DOES ALL MALE WITH ASPERGER'S DESIRE SEX?

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11 Apr 2011, 10:17 am

billsmithglendale - Wow. Way to be a bully. Bethie is just describing a different point of view and you stomp all over her just because she's young and doesn't have a master's degree. I thought this was a support forum but apparently not. :roll:

undefineable
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11 Apr 2011, 2:33 pm

biostructure wrote:

undefineable wrote:

slowmutant wrote:

Some people are naturally sexual beings, while others aren't.

Well I'd certainly have been a more 'sexual being' if I'd felt more connected to ppl in the 1st place :lol:

You sound, well, sexually "feminine" when you say this. For me, this is absolutely not true. I often feel that my sexual interest for many people takes the place of a desire for connection, that I primarily connect to people as bodies that can do interesting things and give off interesting energy (as well as fluids hehe). Heck, I even see my OWN body through that "lens" a lot of the time, even though I'm not attracted to guys, much less myself.

Well you quoted me from over 2 years ago, and tbh I think a lot of my 'not being a sexual being' has to be down to the SSRI antidepressant (seroxat) meds I've been on for the last 12 years, and a bloody good thing that is too. Btw, there's a difference, which I appreciate, between sexual interest in people and actually wanting to (or being emotionally capable of) having sexual relations with people.

Bethie
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11 Apr 2011, 3:30 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:

You obviously need speak less, insult less, and think more -- but I see you are 22, so you are forgiven. Wait twelve more years, get a masters under your belt, and then dare to tell someone with more age and experience that -- idiot.

If you're happy with your asexuality/sexual aversion disorder/whatever excuse you want to make for not being a normal organism, go ahead. The fact is that you are either going to be bred out of the population, or if your gene really is intended for population control (meaning some are turned off of sex for the benefit of the population, e.g. you) -- great, more sex and intimacy for the animals who actually want to use our entire bodies. I don't really care myself if you are in that pool of people -- just stay out of the way.

Since you didn't address any of my points, I'll take it that you agree with them. Surely you'll also agree my age and your education have nothing to do with your ignorance on the subject of asexuality. I see your Masters did nothing by way of teaching you manners.

Asexuality isn't Sexual Aversion Disorder. It would appear you didn't do your research, after all. I need no "excuses" for my sexual orientation, and whether I can be happy with it or not- it is what I am, so I might as well be. Your (wrongly) choosing to use "normal organism" interchangably with experiencing sexual attraction is in ignorance of the statistical variation that can be observed in other species besides our own. I'm not "going to be bred out of the population"- I'm going to live a long life, raise children, and die happy, unlike people who need to lash out bitterly at others for being different. And no, my being asexual doesn't result in "more sex and intimacy" for anyone else, though I wouldn't care if it did. It's truly sad asexuality upsets you so much.

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Last edited by Bethie on 11 Apr 2011, 3:37 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Bethie
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11 Apr 2011, 3:35 pm

Erisad wrote:

A lot of people heavily invest their sense of security and ego in a particular worldview,
and when it's challenged by people who do not experience the world the same way- gay, asexual, Autistic, what have you, they lash out.

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11 Apr 2011, 3:39 pm

Bethie wrote:

Erisad wrote:

Or in the case of billsmithglendale they have a gay crisis.

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11 Apr 2011, 9:08 pm

Bethie wrote:

Erisad wrote:

I guess so. This is the same reason why I don't debate anything religious, political, etc. with my family. They're from a different era and will not understand, as I have tried to share my point of view many times only to have it shut down. :/

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12 Apr 2011, 3:36 pm

undefineable wrote:

Btw, there's a difference, which I appreciate, between sexual interest in people and actually wanting to (or being emotionally capable of) having sexual relations with people.

I think that right there confirms what I said about you being somewhat "feminine", in that this distinction is even instinctively salient to you.

With me, if I'm sexually interested in someone, I'm interested, and would almost definitely accept an offer from that person. For me, sex at its core is a body-to-body experience, with my mind also being involved. Any involvement of my partner's mind, or of either of our emotions, is optional.

I do realize there are some issues with this. I tend very strongly toward a kind of hyperdominance that is not based on physical overpowering of any kind, but on a kind of projection, where the other person's body and possibly part of her emotions are subsumed under my own "fantasy" or mental narrative. I'm (consciously) aware that this has the potential to lead to narcissism and/or objectification, but knowing this doesn't change the underlying tendency, and it certainly doesn't result in any less of a desire for sex.

I feel some males never sort out this issue, but on the other hand some never have it in the first place. Women seem a lot more likely to become asexual when their sexual feelings run up against emotional difficulties.

undefineable
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12 Apr 2011, 5:01 pm

biostructure wrote:

undefineable wrote:

Btw, there's a difference, which I appreciate, between sexual interest in people and actually wanting to (or being emotionally capable of) having sexual relations with people.

Mind = Emotions plus other mental processes??! I don't mind being seen as feminine btw - I rather suspect that most girls would tend to see you as a 'perv' if they cottoned on to the nature of your sexuality. There is a big difference, though, between being sensually 'turned on' - as all men apart from asexuals are from puberty on - and imagining/ remembering how you'd 'give it' to some1 and what it would feel like - I suspect I'm not the only male autist who does more of the former and less of the latter. And accepting offers doesn't mean one can follow through - I'm not even talking about impotence; just being put off (due to one's autism) by the whole hypercomplicatedly relational nature of the situation that would arise. In any case, women don't often go up to a guy and say 'would you like to have sex with me?' as opposed to, say, 'do you want to come back to my flat with me?' Does anyone else know where I'm coming from?

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12 Apr 2011, 9:06 pm

undefineable wrote:

Mind = Emotions plus other mental processes??!

I guess I'd refer to the mental sphere of thought as separate from emotion, though the two are tightly linked.

undefineable wrote:

I don't mind being seen as feminine btw - I rather suspect that most girls would tend to see you as a 'perv' if they cottoned on to the nature of your sexuality.

Feminine was meant not as an insult, but as a classification. I do sometimes think I am a perv, and mostly proud of it hehe.

undefineable wrote:

There is a big difference, though, between being sensually 'turned on' - as all men apart from asexuals are from puberty on - and imagining/ remembering how you'd 'give it' to some1 and what it would feel like - I suspect I'm not the only male autist who does more of the former and less of the latter.[]/quote]

My sexual attraction leans mostly toward a desire to look at and feel a person's body, and so that's what most of my fantasies consist of. I don't that often imagine what it would feel like to have sex with a woman, as that is not the central focus of sexuality for me.

undefineable wrote:

And accepting offers doesn't mean one can follow through - I'm not even talking about impotence; just being put off (due to one's autism) by the whole hypercomplicatedly relational nature of the situation that would arise. In any case, women don't often go up to a guy and say 'would you like to have sex with me?' as opposed to, say, 'do you want to come back to my flat with me?' Does anyone else know where I'm coming from?

Yes, but it sounded like the relational aspect detracted from your sexual interest and feelings, which is different from saying the woman might turn you down or change her mind. For someone like me, the interest in her body or even in her personality precedes any tendency to think of the relational aspect, even though I'm aware of that latter aspect when it's brought to my attention.

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12 Apr 2011, 10:12 pm

biostructure wrote:

With me, if I'm sexually interested in someone, I'm interested, and would almost definitely accept an offer from that person. For me, sex at its core is a body-to-body experience, with my mind also being involved. Any involvement of my partner's mind, or of either of our emotions, is optional.

I do realize there are some issues with this. I tend very strongly toward a kind of hyperdominance that is not based on physical overpowering of any kind, but on a kind of projection, where the other person's body and possibly part of her emotions are subsumed under my own "fantasy" or mental narrative. I'm (consciously) aware that this has the potential to lead to narcissism and/or objectification, but knowing this doesn't change the underlying tendency, and it certainly doesn't result in any less of a desire for sex.

Absolutely dead on in describing how I feel, minus the "hyperdominance" description.

ASD men either think like this or set themselves up for getting hurt.

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Bethie
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15 Apr 2011, 3:22 am

biostructure wrote:

I tend very strongly toward a kind of hyperdominance that is not based on physical overpowering of any kind, but on a kind of projection, where the other person's body and possibly part of her emotions are subsumed under my own "fantasy" or mental narrative. I'm (consciously) aware that this has the potential to lead to narcissism and/or objectification, but knowing this doesn't change the underlying tendency, and it certainly doesn't result in any less of a desire for sex.

You sound extraordinarily adept at self-analyzation. That's very rare.

Starlight-Supernova
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15 Apr 2011, 4:59 am

I have no idea if AS guys find it admirable to have sex.

Then again, if they didn't...would that mean they don't think similar to NTs?

I have a few ADHD friends who go on and on about it...although I'm pretty private about those matters. (not that I've gotten anywhere in relationships)

Even if AS guys desired it, so what? They probably need the courage to ask a girl out in the first place in order to have that desire even more.

It all depends on personality really....if they grew up hearing about it all the time they are more likely to want it and see how it compares...just like someone who is NT.

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15 Apr 2011, 10:50 am

Well I don't really think about it.
I'm actually a very private person too...
I don't want a relationship like that until after marriage.
This is just how I am raised (:

All my friends love talking about it though, I use to go through depression because people always assumed I was gay or something because I wouldn't talk about girls all the time, but it seemed... Silly.

My best friend still thinks that I'm honestly gay to this day.
He always talks about what he has done with his girl friends and I don't even want to hear it.

I always write Poetry based on love and friendship. I'm very in touch with my emotions.
Not all guys want that, from my experience a lot of girls only want that as well .
I just think it depends on the area and who you meet, in my current area all the teenagers I know only want that.
It drives me insane... It makes me think that none of them even know the true meaning of love.

They all go by looks. That's all they care about.

Actually, I'll copy and paste something from my blog

"Looks don't matter, and they shouldn't. I like a girl and I don't care what she looks like, I'll always love her for her. She can be overweight, have wrinkles, have only 1 arm, be in a wheel chair, or paralyzed, I'd still love her no matter what ."

Maybe someday I'll post my poems up on these forums ^^

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15 Apr 2011, 1:31 pm

EgyptianCat wrote:

.
I just think it depends on the area and who you meet, in my current area all the teenagers I know only want that.
It drives me insane... It makes me think that none of them even know the true meaning of love.

They all go by looks. That's all they care about.

Actually, I'll copy and paste something from my blog

"Looks don't matter, and they shouldn't. I like a girl and I don't care what she looks like, I'll always love her for her. She can be overweight, have wrinkles, have only 1 arm, be in a wheel chair, or paralyzed, I'd still love her no matter what

."

Maybe someday I'll post my poems up on these forums ^^

Wow...you are similar to me. Although I only to poetry to girls I like...I've not been called Gay but I know a few girls may have thought that despite me actually having a relationship with two girls in school (both didn't last).

I fell out with a friend because he acted different with a girl....his comeback was "At least I'm not a virgin", which was harsh...and immature...and he regrets it now...although i forgave him about it.

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15 Apr 2011, 3:12 pm

Starlight-Supernova wrote:

Yeah, but that's just the way the world is sadly :/.

One of my close friends said something similar, he said that he views any males that haven't been in a relationship or haven't had a s*xual relationship is a loser. That actually really cut me deep that he thought that way.

In my area relationships happen every week, month with a girl or a boy. The reason why I don't want to go out with a girl (Especially in my area) is because they're all just so immature... Well, most of them anyways.
They all go by looks, I don't like this and don't wish to be used like a object. I'm a human being with feelings.

But that's why I'm glad that I'm leaving this area, the area I'm going to seems to be more mature. I might be able to have proper conversations with people there (:

SPKx
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15 Apr 2011, 3:37 pm

When I was younger, I didn't care too much sex and I was prepared to wait until marriage.

Now that I am 29 and still a virgin, I kind of want to get laid sooner rather than later. That said, I am still not a big fan of casual sex and I would wait until I am in a proper relationship (whenever that happens).

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