Question for the Aspie males that want girlfriends.

Post Reply New Topic

I agree with this post in its entirety. Nobody is saying that I'm hopeless and I know that. I'm just trying to give the other guys here some motivation. Good word, therange, good word.

That's stupid. And a good way to ruin their chances. I wish I knew who they were so all the females on this site could avoid them.

This thread implies that guys should pretend to be interested in cars, sports, etc, and alter their appearance to look like some mega-hunk--and that "being yourself" is a load of crap.

And guys who refuse to pretend to be the above are just doomed to singledom indefinitely, and are just whiny, insecure losers.

I am deeply offended by this thread.

Where did I say any of that?

I'm saying, if you want to be picky, which you are Tim, women have lots of options. Who are they going to choose, a not-so-good looking guy who complains all the time and on top of it is socially awkward, or a guy who regardless of how good looking he is, tries and cares about his appearance (works out, dresses well, etc.) is fun to be around, and likes at least some of the same things she likes? It's common sense, really.

The reason you're single, Tim, isn't because you can't get a girlfriend. It's because you have a laundry list of expectations, and if the woman you wanted even existed, she'd be able to have her choice of a guy she wanted.

Why is it fair for you to have standards of the opposite sex that you don't hold yourself to? Just because you probably don't have a criminal record or would never physically abuse a woman doesn't mean you're automatically entitled to your dream woman. It takes work, not years of complaining on a message board.

You have to love yourself before you can love another.

not really, due to my social habits an how i treat women i dont have to pretend to be anything other that sexually attracted for a few hours then move on.

the real question is: how many girls will be willing to date someone who mains MK? Spam dsmash and you will get a gf.

/smash


I have actually never dated an AS female. NT's are fine if you can get them to understand and accept your quirks. If AS girls are anything like me, they don't socialize much, so how am I supposed to meet them?

Yes, indeed. (Since when did cars and sports, and #$^ even fit into this thread?! )

I happen to agree completly with this perspective -> "If you don't keep looking, and moveing on from your rejections, and all you do is just get mad, feel sorry for yourself... even to the point of tearing others down, who happen to be the opposite sex, don't expect chicks to throw themselves onto you. If you don't have it right now, OH WELL."

What else I think Therange said "If you get a women, then what? Will it be a mental awakening, as if you saw God or something? Is it really going to be that life changing? Seriously?"

I also agree with how insulting it is to be dated only to watch him be like this "Oh I wish I had this or that.. boo hoo." It's incredibly insulting, and no girl in her right mind is going to think "Wow. You look lonly with that stupid girl, maybe I should give you a nudge.", because she knows, in some part of her little mind, she will get the same thing.

Last time I checked, Girls like to be noticed, and loved. Not taken in one minute, and spat on the next! How would that treatment make some men feel? Not good I take it?

Last edited by LiendaBalla on 20 Feb 2010, 10:29 pm, edited 18 times in total.

You're grossly misinterpreting, and apparently imagining.
a) Show us where it's been implied we should act interested in things we're not interested in? I'm fairly certain you cannot.
b) While one thing is true - You help yourself by helping your physical appearance(its simply an immutable fact of life) - it does not imply that you must be something you're not. A physically attractive you bares the same personality as the just-woke-up-in-the-morning you. No one has ever, in this thread, supported pretending to be something you are not.

Perhaps you should re-iterate your standpoint if we've misunderstood? Because you came to your conclusion somehow, and your above statements don't reflect a logical path to your conclusion. In other words, your post doesn't make any sense at all. If you can bring forward a sensible argument , then we will respectfully treat it as such.

This is the point of the entire thread. Every other idea espoused is a logical extension of this over-arching concept.
Just don't take it literally, as it's a figurative quote.

firstly, there are NT girls who despise men who care about cars, sports, etc. I have an NT girl friend who is annoyed that her male classmates talk about sports, games and girls. She is shy and is going to study engineering. I suspect that you get along well with engineering women. The sort of girl you are looking for - I presume NT as there are very few female Aspies - would be shy, the nice sort, possibly doing engineering or an academic degree. She might even be artistic. The drawback is that they may not play videogames, but you can have intelligent conversations with them and they will try to understand. I'm female so I do know something about this.

So basically you guys are saying that one has to be a narcissist to get anywhere in this world?

Once again, you're grossly misinterpreting. There's a big difference between having confidence and self-love and being a narcissist. Btw Toad, have you spoken with your parents about therapy yet?

And now the problem here is that the concept and boundary of narcissism is abstract. The threshold of what constitutes healthy self-love, and it's boundaries beside narcissism, are difficult to concretely define. So although Toad is clearly far-flung outside of mainstream thought regarding what's healthy, illustrating the mainstream definitions, which people look forward to in others, will be problematic.
Honestly, I'm just not up to that task, so I too am just gonna hope you get counseling, Toad.

On the bright side, other folks will read this thread, and hopefully it will help them find a better balance conducive to being healthier, happier, to finding companionship easier, and allows them to stay true to themselves in the process.

I think we're just enabling Toad by giving him more attention.

Guess so.
And there's been insufficiently few compelling points elaborated to conflict with the main idea....

/thread.

Arrgh too little time...and I still haven't answered Sound's questions.

I don't know about "enabling", but I doubt it is very applicable advice. I question why people think they can help him by their views alone. He has a lot of issues such as image, possibly anxiety and depression. From a CBT point of view many of the suggestions are a poor choice as they don't break down the problem into achievable goals for him. It is too focused on the endgame, which is something that reinforces his sense of failure. Good example is hale_bopp's suggestion to work in a bar. This is not likely to work out right now.

It is not unusual for those that fear rejection and failure to pre-empt it, therefore at least in their view they have some control over the outcome, and they are not waiting for the “bad” experiences to happen. People can plan their future intricately in their head, but logically speaking it is unlikely to turn out as planned. It is a skill to unlearn or block negative feeling. I use techniques every day, but it took time to get the hang of it. I tend to see experiences in a different light nowadays. You can discard experiences if you like; you can treat them as something you just go through. It is not the same as natural resilience which some, like Prof. Robert Winston, believe has a genetic predisposition, but is a conscious adjustment that works. There are some things that I just don’t let go of, but do I know how ridiculous it is especially if the people involved I’m never going to see ever again.

The days of doing things because that is what I think I ought to be doing are long gone; I just do the things necessary for what I’m interested, and ignore everything else.