Qualities you DON'T want in a guy/girl?

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it's true that there is discrimination of shorter men, but it is not confined to how women feel about men; it exists with how men feel about other men. shorter men are less likely to be considered as intelligent, attractive, accomplished, etc. in terms of work and other realms as well. it is not a judgement that just women make - it is an unfair judgement our entire society makes about shorter men.

i would like to see this change - my father and both grandfathers were short by western standards (5'5", 5'0", and 5'6"), and their height did not mean they were less worthy men.

notably, height is a hereditary characteristic. this means that modern short men have inherited height genes that have been passed down from millions of successful pairings - shortness is reproduced because short men find mates too. if short men were selected against, short men would be much rarer. men of reduced stature are not necessarily doomed to loneliness.

people seem to have different, or stricter, or more exclusive criteria when dating online though.

I guess I'm guilty of being picky to.

[*] Randomly spitting outdoors in front of, or at people.
[*] A public litter bug. For example, tossing used and unpaid for candy bar wrapper on the grocery store floor. (The person I saw do this last, went to the restroom just after tossing it to the floor. -.- The restrooms have trash cans.) It makes me wander where else they toss their garbage like a slob.
[*] Wearing one's pants below the buttox.
[*] Blowing snot missiles in a public parking lot without tissue, and letting it go splat on the concrete.
[*] Deliberately useing a wall instead of the proper objects. Need a TOILET?!
[*] If he keeps gently petting me with his fingers after I tell him "don't do that please" for the 13th time in a row.
[*] Saying they want a monogamous relationship, yet trying to sleep with two other people.

Your missing my point, money is required to be independent, without that you can't buy food, cleaning items, pay bills. Therefore it requires a job with either full time and/or a decent wage. Unless of course someone gets loads of benefits to which it then becomes debatable whether of not they should be living on their own in the first place (but that's a seperate debate so lets not go there) So even when you say money isn't a factor, it still is just in an indirect manner which then becomes a sub-conscience influence. This will be my last post on the issue otherwise we will just keep going around in circles.

There also seems to be an assumption on here that someone can't be independent if they still live with their parents. What if they buy and cook their own food, clean up after themselves and pay their even share of the bills. That's no different to someone being at University and sharing a house with friends, the only difference being one isn't considered to be independence and the other is. Hardly fair now is it? Also has anyone bothered to stop and think maybe some people see living on their own as a pointless exercise and would rather have company (be it with parents or housemates) until they meet the right person to share their lives with? Obviously not.

Another thing that's bothered me slightly is the number of people who won't consider anyone who has children from a previous relationship. No doubt some of you would have no hesitation in accusing someone of being shallow and self-centered if they rejected one of your friends who happens to be a single parent. Yet another double standard. which some people might want to take a good hard look at themselves for.

yes *some* money is required to live independently, but the assistance i was referring to are such things as welfare. here in canada we also have subsidized housing in many cities. both of these things allow a person of lower income to live independently. a person definitely does not have to be rich, or even working, to live away from his or her parents.

as to the living with a roomie as opposed to living with parents, if a person were choosing between the 2 options... why select the option of living with parents? living with parents will not allow the majority of people an independent existence. sure, there would be some exceptions, for example a person who rents a basement suite from their parents, but would not most people still be living with parents as part of a nuclear family? i don't think very many people would treat mom like a college dorm roommate. there would still be the nuclear family dynamics in place, and honestly, at the age of 38, if i were seeking a life partner i would hope that most people my age would have moved on from that.

exceptions of course for anyone who is living at home temporarily, or who is caring for an ill or aging parent, or who cannot care for themselves. but if you want to seem like an independent adult to the opposite sex, it is probably a good idea to move out of the family home.

More than 5 years younger than me

More than 5 years older than me

What would you do if you got thrown out of your parents house?
There are benefits people can get when they don't have much money. Some people look after two kids in their own rented place on minimum wage or a benefit. I think most people stay with their parents because its just too easy and they can't be bothered. (Which is the case if you ARE capable of looking after yourself)

It was certainly the case with me before I moved out of Mum and dads and moved towns.

hyperlexia(n): yes, you make some good points. There are lots of studies and books on height in men, of which I want to read more. I might suggest that our current dating system, still very young by historic standards, screws up some of the things that allowed shorter men to attract or partner with women in the past.

I think we can neatly summarize (and prevent extra posts) by saying that we all want a partner whose religious, political, and other values are compatible with ours if not shared, and most of us want a partner who's about the same age as we are. As an urbanite and urbanist, I couldn't have a relationship with someone who insists on living in car-dominated suburbs. A progressive and a conservative probably won't get along if politics are important to them. A devoutly religious person and an atheist probably wouldn't work. A person who refuses to have kids and one who insists on it.

These aren't about pickiness; they're values and personal choices that sometimes conflict with each other. I can't say what I'm physically attracted to in a woman, but doesn't it go without saying that a romantic relationship with no attraction won't work?

The black women I've dated have been among the best. Why anyone would rule out a whole group of people beforehand just for their color is beyond me. You're missing out. I care whether a girl is pretty, but I couldn't care less what color she is. It makes no difference. It's like refusing to go out with someone because they were born in August or are left-handed.

Genetic diversity is a strength and asset. Lots of people think biracial and multiracial people are more attractive on average. The hottest girl I know is half Mexican and half German.

These benefits vary greatly by country. New Zealand and Canada offer FAR more than the US. The only thing a poor single adult man in the US can pretty much rely on getting is food stamps on the order of $150/mo. Health care, housing, transportation, child care, and income can all be extremely difficult to get. Right now there are 5 times as many unemployed workers in the US as available jobs, and working 40 hours a week for 52 weeks at minimum wage leaves most people below the official poverty line. And the official poverty line grossly underestimates actual poverty, just like our unemployment rate.

Compiles lists of my faults...

Again you seemed to have misunderstood me. What I'm saying is just because someone doesn't live 'independently' it doesn't mean they are incapable of doing so. Also claiming they are just lazy and can't bothered if they capable of living by themselves but choose not to is just an excuse, it's never as simple as that. I don't live with my parents, but I don't see the logic in someone living on their own for the sake of it, if they are scraping to get by every week and can't enjoy life. Where is the fun in that?

I bet the poor parents are thinking "wheres the fun in that too" - grow up, its not about simply having fun, adult life and what it takes to function is not about fun like it was when you were a kid.

Its not about having more money at home, its about growing up and moving into an adult world - the real world. No-one wants to date a kid.

If people have a problem with the fact I wouldn't date someone in their 30s who lives with parents, then I don't care. They can date them instead.

Whether you're capable of functioning alone or not it beside the point, point is, you don't.
Just like someone with a medical degree is not going to get a high salary if they work in a coffee shop, simply because they are "capable".

IMO, that is a load of bollocks. I'll ask some of my US friends to see what they say.

I hope you realise how patronising you sound with those comments. Just because someone doesn't live 'independently' it doesn't mean they are still a kid. Also what if the parents want them to stick around, a lot of parents have trouble letting go when their offspring decide to fly the nest, maybe some young adults feel guilt tripped into not leaving until they have met the right person to start a family of there own. Ideally no one should still be living with their parents after they turn 30 but the world doesn't work like that. Also a fair number of European cultures (Spain being a good example) will have 3 or 4 generations of a family live together under the same roof because of hertiage, tradition and values that had been passed down through the decades. Are the adults in those households not 'independent'? Of course they are, but just in a different way. So to assume anyone who doesn't live 'independently' is just immature and incapable of looking after themselves is just lazy and ignorant.

You just want someone who has everything going for them and has no baggage/commitments so they can put all of their time and energy towards you. Kind of ironic that you had selfish listed as a quality you didn't want in a potential boyfriend.

You're entitled to your own opinion, but not your own facts. Sorry. I spent several years working in Washington, DC on these policies.

All of my mom's sisters waited till they were married to move out of their parents. My mom and her brother were the only ones who moved out before they met someone. Of course my uncle was trying to find a job while he was still living at home and couldn't get one so my mom and dad invited him to come live with us to look for a job there so he came out and was with us for a while and then he decided to look out of town for a job and when he finally found one, he moved out and he lived with a family for a year who rented out a room to him. Then he moved out and lived with his co worker. Then he decided to get a house so he wasn't stuck in his room with all his stuff. He was 32 when he got his first house and my parents helped him with a down payment.

So living with parents is no different than living in another home where people there rent out a room to someone. You still don't get much freedom when you rent a room because you may not be able to invite people over. Sometimes people want to move out but they don't have the money. It's safer to live at home than with room mates who will eat your food and steal from you and disturb you by being too loud or a slob. I never wanted room mates due to that fear.

Some people don't even move out until they make enough money with their job or until they get one after finishing school. Heck my husband lived with his family when I met him but I saw how he worked and he did pay them rent and then he decided he wanted to move out and live with me when I was looking for an apartment. So some people don't even move out until they find someone because they can finally afford it because bills are split when they live together. But now he makes more money with his job and can afford all the bills now with his paychecks. Me working is just extra money to save and have more money to spend on fun for the both of us rather than having aproxx $150 left over.

I lived with my aunt and uncle for seven months before I found an apartment. Now my cousin has moved back in with them because she is out of a job. She had lived on her own before and she does have a boyfriend whom lives in North Dakota or South Dakota. I don't remember which state and they visit. He didn't always live with his parents either and had to move back in with them. Sometimes people have to move back in because of the economy and when my in laws got disabled, they lost their home because they lost their jobs so they had to live with their daughter and then they moved out and got their own apartment and had to move back in with her just to help her out with the payments. I also notice the house is cleaner now because the mother in law cleans. So it was the opposite for them because they moved in with one of their adult kids and the fact their job loss was medical related.