Cyber spying/stalking, am I obsessed and a creep

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feelings do change that fast, unfortunately. for me, it switches off like a light. we could be in the middle of watching a movie, and i'm just not interested anymore. from that moment onward, i don't see that person in a loving or romantic light anymore.

something like that happened to me when I watched Garzey's Wing, but when it was over normality returned

That's just weird

is it? or do "normal" people just let their relationships drag on and on even after the feelings switch off? i've watched so many relationships die a slow painful death, where the two occupants were clearly not in love anymore, but neither person seemed to be aware that the love was very much gone. or if they were aware they soldiered on anyways. as an observer i find that painful to see.

i can't pretend that i have feeling for someone, even for a day, but i think that many other people can and do allow themselves to pretend that feelings still exist. perhaps being in such a relationship serves some purpose or fulfills some need for them, or maybe they think that their feelings will change back again, but i refuse to be involved with someone if my heart is not fully engaged.

But surely you have a transitional time when things aren't so good? You can't go from loving someone intensely to not wanting to be with them any more in a just a moment. That is just incomprehensible to me. Fickle and alien.

transitional time? what for? to prolong the suffering of both parties? i must say that the very concept seems deceptive and false.

Eh? We're talking about how your feelings for somebody changes. I'm baffled how you claim to change on a whim. What don't you get about that? Why would it be deceptive or false to find yourself going through a rough patch with someone? I've been there and we've managed to pull back from the brink and repair the relationship. Neither party was deceptive, ok?

a rough patch is quite different from no longer having feelings for someone. i've been married for 16 years, so i know how to get through a rough patch, obviously.

i believe it is deceptive to lose romantic feelings for someone entirely and yet continue in a relationship with them. i am baffled by anyone that would do so, as the relationship wouild be based on a lie. perhaps they are deceiving themselves as well - i do not know as i do not engage in that kind of deception.

I know that!!




I never disagreed with that either.

Although we speak the same language it appears neither of us understands what the other is talking about.

i would agree with that.

I've been thinking about what you said. I think your husband of 16 years is very lucky not to have had one of your "movie" moments

well, we had lots of struggles before we got married, but i never stopped loving him. it was always different with him, which i knew would be true with somebody. it wasn't like that with any other person. it just never switched off with him. we had difficulties relating to each other at first, but the romantic love never went anywhere.

I have to wonder if there is a true reason for the switch going off, even if the reason is deep, dark, scary, and probably something that you do not want to deal with or even acknowledge. It could be emotional baggage buried in the unconscious mind that hasn't been dealt with. That's what I believe happened in the case with me.

Besides, the person I'm dealing with is not you. She said that she didn't stop liking me, or being attracted to me. There were just too many things going on in her life and she needed to get away. Unfortunately for me, she decided to lump me into all this stuff she was trying run away from. Kinda like throwing the baby out with the bath water.

Speaking of switches, does it work both ways? Can they be turned both on and off?

And relationships are not like the movies. One is not just an observer. You get to participate. If watching a movie and you loose interest, the best you can do is wait it out and hope it gets better (or fast forward it). But relationships you are a participant. If it gets boring, there are tons of things you can do to make it better. Unfortunately, too many people believe that they are only observers even in their own relationships. if it gets boring or difficult (or scary), they either miserably wait it out hoping that it gets better or get up and walk out.

Just some thoughts on my part.

i guess it may be challenging to understand something like what i was talking about if you don't experience it yourself. your speculations are interesting as to why the switch turns "off, but it's not really relevant if you haven't ever experience that feeling. you can't possibly know how or why it happens.

to be honest, i can't understand why people drag a relationship on and on and on when they are clearly no longer in love. that is far weirder to me.

and no, the switch is never, ever turned back "on" again. not possible in my case.

i think you are confused about my comment regarding the movies. what i meant is that my feelings could change at any time, including when i am watching the movies (random example). it has nothing to do with being an active particpant or observer in a relationship. obviously i am aware of how to make a relationship work, and i am not just sitting back and watching anything.

anyway... she gave you reasons why it was over (i bolded them). i don't really get what else you want to hear from her as she has done everything that any person so far on this thread requested - she gave you an explanation...

I'm glad you're pointing out that this is your case. You almost say that this this the way it is with everyone and always. But people are breaking up and getting back together all the time. A friend of mine recently re-married his ex-wife. Somehow the switch must have been turned back on with her (because I don't know the whole story, but I'm pretty sure he initiated them getting back together).

In my case it's fairly naive to say that it's as simple as one switch. There seemed to be multiple factors that occurred over time. But there has been time, and there has been space. She was able to get away and I never tried to stop her. I was the good martyr here, never complaining about her leading me on, misrepresenting herself when entering the relationship, and then not keeping her word. But in our society she doesn't owe me nothing because a unexplained mystery switch went off that must mean it's the will of God and the universe and I, TheWeirdPig, should never mess with the will of God and the universe. And the will of God and the universe supersedes her needing to be honest, keep her word, or have integrity.

Ok, I'm starting to become a bit sarcastic here. I really don't believe that some switch went off due to God's will or the cosmos aligning themselves in any certain order. I think that some of her unresolved emotional baggage came to the forefront and she believed remaining in the relationship would cause her to deal with it, and that was just too scary for her so she ran away. I think she was so scared that honesty and integrity and responsibility were the furthest thing from her mind. Besides, I think that she believes herself to be so unlikable that she believed I really wouldn't be hurt by her exit.

Here's the thing. As long as there are people feeding her ideas that switches go on and off for unexplained reasons, she's going to continue to believe that. She will continue to run away from dealing with her baggage. And as Catholic as she is, I can even believe she may even think that not having a relationship with me is God's will even though there is part of her that really likes me.

Of course being the skeptic that I am, I need to question my own theory. Maybe this really is the will of God, or the cosmos aligning themselves.

Because they're responsible enough to figure out the reasons for falling out of love. Maybe because they're responsible enough to see that there are reasons other than being in love to have relationships.

But of course, I am weird. Hence the moniker TheWeirdPig.