Do looks even matter for Aspies?

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19 Mar 2012, 5:40 pm

i think everyone has ways in which they are shallow, but identifying those areas and seeking to fix them can reverse that tendency. not one of us is perfect.

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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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19 Mar 2012, 6:59 pm

mds_02 wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

It's not shallow.

Thinking someone's a better person than they are, just because I think they're hot? Sounds like the very definition of shallow to me.

I think the fact that I recognize that tendency, and try to work against it, saves me from being a shallow person. But I do definitely have some shallow traits.

You can think what you like, that's not what I meant. You're either attracted to someone on a physical level or you're not, it's an essential part of any sexual or romantic relationship. If you think otherwise, you're kidding yourself.

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19 Mar 2012, 7:10 pm

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

mds_02 wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

It's not shallow.

I agree that it is essential to a romantic relationship. For me, although physical attraction is not the most important thing, it does come first. Attraction is what makes me pursue a woman in the first place, it is other personality traits that decide whether I will create/maintain a relationship once I've got her attention.

However, that tendency to misjudge people due to my attraction to them is taking it too far.

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19 Mar 2012, 9:45 pm

Judging others by how they look would be the same as deciding to date someone based on whether they're NT or not. You can't get to know someone just by looking at them. It is shallow and it becomes prejudice.

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20 Mar 2012, 12:05 am

Boxman108 wrote:

yes. interestingly, the more people get to know each other, the more or less attractive they appear based on personality traits.

in this study, it was found that personality had a strong influence on how attractive a person was considered to be:
http://www.sciencedaily.com/releases/20 ... 145852.htm

in another study (lost the link), a random group of people rated each other before and after getting to know each other extensively doing a group task. i believe a female who was rated as a 3/10 before the group work was rated as a 7/10 afterward because she has a nice personality. and the converse happened with another female.

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ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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20 Mar 2012, 4:08 am

I'm not saying it's the sole reason for deciding to 'date' someone, what I am saying is, it's ridiculous to suggest that physical attraction doesn't play any part at all and that a person is somehow shallow for suggesting that it does.

Last edited by ZX_SpectrumDisorder on 20 Mar 2012, 4:11 am, edited 1 time in total.

Ldub20Owl316
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20 Mar 2012, 4:10 am

Probably not because I've heard so many say that I'm "too good-looking to be single".

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20 Mar 2012, 4:21 am

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

As stated, if you like someone and you like their personality, the attraction for them in your opinion will go up. For instance, if a man is highly desired by several females in a particular social circle, the attraction level for him will go up. It's the same for females really, if a female is popular and outgoing, she is more likely to be considered as attractive or desired.

Of course, presentation can play a role to an extent, people might associate different traits with different physical features but I don't think it's a deal breaker. I have friends that are in good shape, have good ambitions, presentable and they are studying at universities, yet they still aren't the greatest at getting women. The presentation of charisma, humour, attention, social relevance and reciprocity are more important factors than looks when it comes to the general population.

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20 Mar 2012, 4:31 am

Boxman108 wrote:

Are you saying that you don't take looks into account when looking for a partner?

I mean, judging someone to be a good or bad person based on their looks is certainly a bad idea. I admit to an unconscious tendency to think well of people who don't deserve it, based on attraction. Which is not at all the same as treating poorly, or thinking less of, those I am not attracted to.

But surely, when selecting a mate, physical attraction must play some part?

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20 Mar 2012, 4:36 am

If he or she's 630lbs, with a cleft palette, orthopedic shoes and an eye patch, he/she can have all the personality and charisma in the world and it's still negated. Your utopia doesn't exist.

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20 Mar 2012, 5:50 am

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

If he or she's 630lbs, with a cleft palette, orthopedic shoes and an eye patch, he/she can have all the personality and charisma in the world and it's still negated. Your utopia doesn't exist.

At a minimum the 630lbs and orthopedic shoes would be part-in-parcel.

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20 Mar 2012, 7:47 am

Looks, and other characteristics such as dominance get you through the door for biological reasons. Once through the door, personality starts to work more.

I guess anyway.

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20 Mar 2012, 8:00 am

idk if looks matter but i can tell thread dates dont

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20 Mar 2012, 10:31 am

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

If he or she's 630lbs, with a cleft palette, orthopedic shoes and an eye patch, he/she can have all the personality and charisma in the world and it's still negated. Your utopia doesn't exist.

Stephen Hawking is not famed for his looks yet he is constantly married and even had affairs.

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20 Mar 2012, 11:07 am

The-Raven wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

If he or she's 630lbs, with a cleft palette, orthopedic shoes and an eye patch, he/she can have all the personality and charisma in the world and it's still negated. Your utopia doesn't exist.

Stephen Hawking is not famed for his looks yet he is constantly married and even had affairs.

because hes one of the most well known people on the western hemisphere. There comes a point where popularity will beat out looks.

ZX_SpectrumDisorder
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20 Mar 2012, 11:08 am

The-Raven wrote:

ZX_SpectrumDisorder wrote:

If he or she's 630lbs, with a cleft palette, orthopedic shoes and an eye patch, he/she can have all the personality and charisma in the world and it's still negated. Your utopia doesn't exist.

Stephen Hawking is not famed for his looks yet he is constantly married and even had affairs.

There are exceptions, of course. Murderers on death row receive love letters and marriage proposals, too.

Last edited by ZX_SpectrumDisorder on 20 Mar 2012, 11:43 am, edited 1 time in total.

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