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No prospect of future GF = Get a prostitute instead?

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Moog
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19 Jul 2011, 8:27 am

Who_Am_I wrote:
Moog wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
To clarify:

I think that the notion that relationships are always a waste of time is misguided.

I think that the idea that all women can provide is sex is completely f***ing idiotic.

What I don't think, though, is that if someone dislikes the unpredictability of relationships and has found a way to circumvent that, and that way works for them, that this automatically makes them a bad person. Would you rather that RICKY5 lied to women and pretended to care for them just to get sex?


No. I just think some people here have some very wacky reasons for seeing prostitutes. Also the notion that love or relationships are completely worthless being bandied about as a de facto truth is rather worrying, and wrong.

I've no real problem with prostitution per se. It's not for me though.

Probably better to see a series of sex workers than to damage another person.

But better yet would be to work towards being less damaged, and being able to give and receive love, and see it for the positive thing that it can be.


I agree with you on all those points.


I realise you were talking to hyper, but I felt like answering the question too. I'm sure she'll be happy to give her own take too :)


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Erisad
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19 Jul 2011, 8:27 am

Moog wrote:
But better yet would be to work towards being less damaged, and being able to give and receive love, and see it for the positive thing that it can be.


Right. :)



Who_Am_I
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19 Jul 2011, 8:30 am

Moog wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
Moog wrote:
Who_Am_I wrote:
To clarify:

I think that the notion that relationships are always a waste of time is misguided.

I think that the idea that all women can provide is sex is completely f***ing idiotic.

What I don't think, though, is that if someone dislikes the unpredictability of relationships and has found a way to circumvent that, and that way works for them, that this automatically makes them a bad person. Would you rather that RICKY5 lied to women and pretended to care for them just to get sex?


No. I just think some people here have some very wacky reasons for seeing prostitutes. Also the notion that love or relationships are completely worthless being bandied about as a de facto truth is rather worrying, and wrong.

I've no real problem with prostitution per se. It's not for me though.

Probably better to see a series of sex workers than to damage another person.

But better yet would be to work towards being less damaged, and being able to give and receive love, and see it for the positive thing that it can be.


I agree with you on all those points.


I realise you were talking to hyper, but I felt like answering the question too. I'm sure she'll be happy to give her own take too :)


I insist that my arguments are only answered by those who I address them too! :P

(For the literal, that was a joke.)


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19 Jul 2011, 9:19 am

Moog wrote:
Also the notion that love or relationships are completely worthless being bandied about as a de facto truth is rather worrying, and wrong.


There are fundamental neurological differences between your everyday male aspie and your every day male neurotypical, and one being the level of Oxytocin in the brain. This chemical is responsible for the "bonding feeling" that largely underlies "love", and it tends to be diminished in aspies, which leads to lessened socialization, a decreased emphasis on the importance of "the relationship" and feelings of love in general. Is this a problem? To an average neurotypical, I'm sure it would. On the global scale, who cares? It's understandable natural variation. Implying that this fundamental perceptual difference is a result of "damage" is misleading and if it were, it's certainly irreparable. (Attitudes can change, however.)

And, here's the link discussing the link between erectile dysfunction and prolonged virginity. http://abcnews.go.com/Health/Sex/story? ... 047&page=1



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19 Jul 2011, 9:37 am

swbluto wrote:
Moog wrote:
Also the notion that love or relationships are completely worthless being bandied about as a de facto truth is rather worrying, and wrong.


There are fundamental neurological differences between your everyday male aspie and your every day male neurotypical, and one being the level of Oxytocin in the brain. This chemical is responsible for the "bonding feeling" that largely underlies "love", and it tends to be diminished in aspies, which leads to lessened socialization, a decreased emphasis on the importance of "the relationship" and feelings of love in general. Is this a problem? To an average neurotypical, I'm sure it would. On the global scale, who cares? It's understandable natural variation. Implying that this fundamental perceptual difference is a result of "damage" is misleading and if it were, it's certainly irreparable. (Attitudes can change, however.)


That's interesting, but then, some aspies do get into relationships, and enjoy them, and get a lot out of them.

Autism being a spectrum, is the difference in levels of Oxytocin? Some aspies having more than other aspies?

I really feel that there is a flavour of aversion to relationships from some members here that is far stronger than a simple indifference bought on by a lack of Oxytocin. A chemical difference compounded by a psychological difference.

Psychological damage is repairable.


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mv
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19 Jul 2011, 9:40 am

Moog wrote:
Psychological damage is repairable.


SOME psychological damage is repairable. Some is not. In my opinion.



emlion
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19 Jul 2011, 9:41 am

mv wrote:
Moog wrote:
Psychological damage is repairable.


SOME psychological damage is repairable. Some is not. In my opinion.


Definitely this.



Moog
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19 Jul 2011, 9:50 am

emlion wrote:
mv wrote:
Moog wrote:
Psychological damage is repairable.


SOME psychological damage is repairable. Some is not. In my opinion.


Definitely this.


Definitely this is your opinion too?

I wouldn't say that I have any knowledge of the true extent to which a person can heal. My feeling is more optimistic than both of yours.


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emlion
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19 Jul 2011, 9:53 am

Moog wrote:
emlion wrote:
mv wrote:
Moog wrote:
Psychological damage is repairable.


SOME psychological damage is repairable. Some is not. In my opinion.


Definitely this.


Definitely this is your opinion too?

I wouldn't say that I have any knowledge of the true extent to which a person can heal. My feeling is more optimistic than both of yours.


Yes, bad wording. Sorry. :P Definitely in my experience was more accurate, I was lazy typing. :lol:

Its nice you think people can be repaired though. :D



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19 Jul 2011, 9:54 am

emlion wrote:
Moog wrote:
emlion wrote:
mv wrote:
Moog wrote:
Psychological damage is repairable.


SOME psychological damage is repairable. Some is not. In my opinion.


Definitely this.


Definitely this is your opinion too?

I wouldn't say that I have any knowledge of the true extent to which a person can heal. My feeling is more optimistic than both of yours.


Yes, bad wording. Sorry. :P Definitely in my experience was more accurate, I was lazy typing. :lol:

Its nice you think people can be repaired though. :D


I did a bloody good 'fixer upper' on me.

I think it's sad that you think your own experience is so fixed. You're only 21 or so, aren't you?


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emlion
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19 Jul 2011, 9:55 am

Moog wrote:

I did a bloody good 'fixer upper' on me.

I think it's sad that you think your own experience is so fixed. You're only 21 or so, aren't you?


I can repair some, a lot. But some experiences are so strong they change people...I wouldn't say they're overly 'bad', but they're totally fixed. They're who I am now.



Moog
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19 Jul 2011, 9:59 am

emlion wrote:
Moog wrote:
emlion wrote:
Moog wrote:
emlion wrote:
mv wrote:
Moog wrote:
Psychological damage is repairable.


SOME psychological damage is repairable. Some is not. In my opinion.


Definitely this.


Definitely this is your opinion too?

I wouldn't say that I have any knowledge of the true extent to which a person can heal. My feeling is more optimistic than both of yours.


Yes, bad wording. Sorry. :P Definitely in my experience was more accurate, I was lazy typing. :lol:

Its nice you think people can be repaired though. :D


I did a bloody good 'fixer upper' on me.

I think it's sad that you think your own experience is so fixed. You're only 21 or so, aren't you?


I can repair some, a lot. But some experiences are so strong they change people...I wouldn't say they're overly 'bad', but they're totally fixed. They're who I am now.


They have shaped how you are, but no, nothing is fixed. Impermanence is the way of everything.

Your sentence even seems to contradict itself. In one breath, you say you were changed, and therefore mutable, in the next you say you are now 'totally fixed'?

You give too much credit to the power of powerful negative experiences, I feel.


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emlion
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19 Jul 2011, 10:01 am

Moog wrote:
emlion wrote:
Moog wrote:
emlion wrote:
Moog wrote:
emlion wrote:
mv wrote:
Moog wrote:
Psychological damage is repairable.


SOME psychological damage is repairable. Some is not. In my opinion.


Definitely this.


Definitely this is your opinion too?

I wouldn't say that I have any knowledge of the true extent to which a person can heal. My feeling is more optimistic than both of yours.


Yes, bad wording. Sorry. :P Definitely in my experience was more accurate, I was lazy typing. :lol:

Its nice you think people can be repaired though. :D


I did a bloody good 'fixer upper' on me.

I think it's sad that you think your own experience is so fixed. You're only 21 or so, aren't you?


I can repair some, a lot. But some experiences are so strong they change people...I wouldn't say they're overly 'bad', but they're totally fixed. They're who I am now.


They have shaped how you are, but no, nothing is fixed. Impermanence is the way of everything.

Your sentence even seems to contradict itself. In one breath, you say you were changed, and therefore mutable, in the next you say you are now 'totally fixed'?


Jeeez, I am writing badly today. I meant the experiences are totally fixed, not that Iam totally fixed.
Anyway. This is uncomfortable for me and off-topic. :|
Sorry.



Moog
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19 Jul 2011, 10:04 am

emlion wrote:
Moog wrote:
emlion wrote:
Moog wrote:
emlion wrote:
Moog wrote:
emlion wrote:
mv wrote:
Moog wrote:
Psychological damage is repairable.


SOME psychological damage is repairable. Some is not. In my opinion.


Definitely this.


Definitely this is your opinion too?

I wouldn't say that I have any knowledge of the true extent to which a person can heal. My feeling is more optimistic than both of yours.


Yes, bad wording. Sorry. :P Definitely in my experience was more accurate, I was lazy typing. :lol:

Its nice you think people can be repaired though. :D


I did a bloody good 'fixer upper' on me.

I think it's sad that you think your own experience is so fixed. You're only 21 or so, aren't you?


I can repair some, a lot. But some experiences are so strong they change people...I wouldn't say they're overly 'bad', but they're totally fixed. They're who I am now.


They have shaped how you are, but no, nothing is fixed. Impermanence is the way of everything.

Your sentence even seems to contradict itself. In one breath, you say you were changed, and therefore mutable, in the next you say you are now 'totally fixed'?


Jeeez, I am writing badly today. I meant the experiences are totally fixed, not that Iam totally fixed.
Anyway. This is uncomfortable for me and off-topic. :|
Sorry.


My bad, maybe I misread you. Sorry you are feeling uncomfortable. This stuff usually is. I think that's why people prefer not to go down this route. Maybe when you're more ready.


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mv
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19 Jul 2011, 10:05 am

I've seen people permanently damaged by childhood neglect and abuse. Yes, they can sort of "treat" it, but personality disorders (for example) are rather permanent. Even with "treatment" (DBT, CBT, etc.) it's a constant monitoring process so you're not really living as "you". I know, Moog, that you are optimistic about repair, and I know hyperlexian (whose opinion I respect from all I've read here, she's very generous with her advice) thinks that the human brain is plastic throughout life, but that has not been my (anecdotal) experience. Even when people want to learn and grow and change, it's not always possible.

There are forms of depression that also do not respond to any known treatment. Anxiety, too.

I'm not sure we've yet discovered the right treatment for the more complex issues. So maybe you're right, Moog, things are "fixable", we just don't have the path yet.



emlion
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19 Jul 2011, 10:07 am

Moog wrote:
emlion wrote:
Jeeez, I am writing badly today. I meant the experiences are totally fixed, not that Iam totally fixed.
Anyway. This is uncomfortable for me and off-topic. :|
Sorry.


My bad, maybe I misread you. Sorry you are feeling uncomfortable. This stuff usually is. I think that's why people prefer not to go down this route. Maybe when you're more ready.


I'm a mess of writing and thoughts today. >.<
Yeah, one day at a time, I think...(:

Back to bashing prostitutes and ... men.. and whatever this thread is about, right? :wink: