deltafunction wrote:
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Love addicts commonly and repeatedly form an addictive relationship with emotionally unavailable Avoidant partners[citation needed]. The Avoidant partner is compulsively counter-dependent – they fear being engulfed/drowned/smothered by their love addict partner. Love addicts enter relationships with emotionally closed-off individuals who will let nothing and no one in, which makes intimate relationships impossible. Behind their emotional walls, hides low self-esteem and feel if they become truly known (display emotional intimacy) - no one would ever love, accept, and value who they are. Avoidants are attracted to people who have difficulty thinking for themselves, having healthy emotional boundaries, or taking care of themselves in healthy manners- the love addict.
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Love addicts and Avoidants form relationships that inevitably lead to unhealthy patterns of dependency, distance, chaos, and often abuse. Nevertheless, however unsatisfactory the relationship, 'love addicts hang on and on, because it is what they know'.[18] Familiarity is the central engine of their relationship. Each is attracted to the other specifically because of the familiar traits that the other exhibits, and although painful, come from childhood.
Yep. That's my thing, though I've not figured out the psychobabble terms for it (and wow, psychobabble is in my Linux spell check) yeah, makes sense. For me personally, I'm quite emotionally closed off, so yeah. I do attract girls like that a bit, but I'm scared off at sharing any emotional intimacy, and sorta exposing my "true self" that is quite vulnerable, so I don't. So my dating problems are less that women all hate me, or I'm a "nice guy" or whatever, it's just I don't like exposing myself emotionally. And religiously, I'm not supposed to be promiscuous, so that avenue is closed, too. So I just don't date. It doesn't help I'm TERRIBLE at picking up on girl's flirting with me, and as some have read on this board, I've blundered hugely when girls have tried to flirt with me, ie, "So do you know anything fun to do around here?" "Oh no, I don't do anything fun." I figure eventually with time, either a girl will be persistent as all hell and eventually crack me open, or I'll overcome myself. But until then, yeah...
But, I repeat, my love/dating problems aren't because all women are terrible and dumb, though some are, maybe even the majority (though the majority of most things are dumb and bad anyway) and many of the points brought up by these "hater" guys here are quite valid.
Maybe the whole "An intellectual is someone who's found something more interesting than sex." is true afterall. Or I just need to get laid. Who knows.
19 Jun 2012, 7:15 pm
