Im in love with someone who has Aspergers

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hahahaha good i didn't! lol i was so busy (and sick of seeing my job! lol) that i couldn't even have done it if i wanted too....lol i probably come off on this thread as all types of obessive but im most DEFINITELY not...lol i've been out of the dating game for a while so i can't even remember what was acceptable and what wasn't....

sighhhh....i should invite him out.... but just as he might be desperately afraid that i'm leading him on only to break his heart i'm desperately afraid of rejection in any and every sense of the word.... especially to go through all of this and find out that i entirely misread him...i really am that much of a wimp....

lol i'm very psychoanalytical too.... i'm always dissecting people and figuring out all of their desires, feelings, and emotions.... i think you could totally go into psychotherapy....definitely! lol btw, great advice! thank you!

really? that uncomfortable? awww how could you think that no one wants to touch you when you intiate? i'm a very physical person even if that means patting someone on the back it makes me feel closer to the person that i'm talking to- especially when i like someone... i definitely would need a connection with someone especially to intiate otherwise it can mix up feeling and intentions and can lead to a large amount of undue stress for both parties... at the time it felt appropriate- no one was around so it wouldn't be embarrassing for either of us, and i had told him earlier in the conversation that i didn't want to stop because i like talking to him...

i notice that i like to avoid people at times to because sometimes you feel "obligated" to act a certain way and sometimes who even wants to deal with that so i completely understand what you mean...i think you might be right when you say he wanted to hug me...i think he might've thought it would've been awkward had he done it then we had only met earlier in the day so he wanted to play it cool? you know whats cute? when he shook my hand after he helped me find something and thanked me again for helping him earlier, my mom was there to pick me up and she saw him shaking my hand and saw me trying to not look like i liked him (lol i'm the youngest in my family and my parents ALWAYS find a way to embarrass me without fail! lol....) but he was so cute and i wanted to give him more of my attention so i kept smiling and shaking...lol! hahahaha it is a little odd (hahaha and i remember that seinfeld episode- in fact most of what you said in the paragraph i laughed out loud!) but i think its so adorable
and i liked to have contact with him!

usually if i get rejected outright, i need a LONG while to heal up... and i'll be emotionally and mentally bruised for a while to come... probably because i don't like many people very often so it hurts that much more for me... maybe he does feel like he
has to show me because he can't tell me... even though im possibly the most easy going person ever and i wouldn't flat out reject anyone like that but he doesn't know that! lol.... its funny because something he said during a conversation stuck out to me like a sore thumb.... that it feels better to be older because you're more secure...i think when he said that i really admired him.... security at any age is hard to find especially within yourself but i like that he's not entirely secure around me.... i'm strange but its nice to see that someone you like isn't perfect...especially when you're the farthest thing from perfect!

i entirely agree with what you said about the fact there is a difference in feeling and acting.... i think sometimes he may come off different from how he feels...one day i asked if he wanted to go for a walk after lunch and he said okay....then before we were to go on our walk, he changed his mind and said no thanks i think i'd rather stay here...and apologized profusely and walked away quickly... i was pretty upset later (i actually cried when i got off from work) and i think he felt bad later because he was more nervous or might've wanted to act differently but was shy...i think you have a better idea of my situation than i do! everything you're saying sounds dead-on! i don't think you can try only as hard as you know how to try when you like someone because it does take so much effort but if the person really likes you, they'll pick up on some cues and it will push things forward in my opinion..

i definitely recognize that when he looks at me and he talks to me- like when he randomnly comes over to me and compliments me on something that it does take a lot of effort on his part... i appreciate any sign he can give me... and its well-noted in my head the care that he's putting into the signals hes giving me... i'm not so much like the typical NT female... i don't make a man poor his heart out to me only to play games with his mind... i feel sorry for those out there who have to emotionally batter someone just to see how much they are wanted... maybe i should ask him what he's thinking more often... im very interested in what he says and the way he thinks so it would certainly be appreciated...

i think you're very right when you say theres no other cards to throw on the table at this point...its been established that there just might be something so i think its up to somebody to make the ultimate move... i should just tell him...if i wait, it's just postponing whats going to happen eventually....lol maybe tomorrow is best....i think once i get my answer regardless i can move forward..its just about pushing yourself to the edge thats the hardest step before taking the leap...

thank you SOOOO much for all your awesome advice and comments!
its all so very appreciated!!
phew my response was too long!

So, what happened???

soooo... nothing happened....sighhhh hahahaha.... i'm so damn dissapointed... today he got stationed in another section away from me... and i wanted to have more contact- he asked me how i was once... i kind of saw him listening in on a random conversation i was having with another person like he wanted to chime in or was thinking something that i was reading on his face... and i winked at him once and he smiled really big...

i think things are going to deteriorate if i don't do something next time i see him... i think were at the highest point of our communication- but i'm afraid to take that final step... but whats making me more nervous is that it never seems like we have enough time for me to honestly intiate contact in a way that might not look obvious to others ( i don't want to bring him any unnecessary heat and i especially dont want to have our bosses catch wind of any of this because i've seen things like this turn ugly really quick) and that would not pressure him to make a decision but where we can connect first...

i'm not entirely sure how to acheive this- maybe if we end up having lunch together again at the same time might be best... but i really think its all about timing even though i REALLY REALLY REALLY wanted to do it today... somehow i think fate is setting me up for a particular time so who even knows...

i should really stop being such a jackass though...

you should tell the man dangnabit.

Bloody Hell, you like this guy and you've done nothing?

Oye vey. When I first started reading this, I didn't realize that your "crush" was this serious.

Caramel, the guy likes you and if you DON"T DO SOMETHING FAST, he's gonna slip away from you even faster then a child escaping from a burning house.

Fate? That's where I come in. I'll tell you this, invite him over to your house. obviously fate/karma/orwhover wants you two together. The wheels are set in motion and you are the brake that is being obstinate and not moving.

It's gonna be obvious sooner or later, and if I were you, I'd tell him, not at work mind you, but tell him soon. You're scared because of the fact that you like him, that's gotta be the dumbest thing ever. Extremly ever. Love is the greatest thign in the word.

Rant done now.

I have to agree. The time is right. If you don't pounce soon he will never be yours. Do your hardest to find a time that is right and then go for it. No doubts. No worrying about what he thinks. He quite obviously likes you, so shut up and go for it.

If me and Gamester are right, can we have a kiss?

And I thought people with AS were supposed to be obsessive......

I know, i know, i know.... i'm pathethic as all hell.... i think i've done small things but nothing near as crucial as asking him out yet.... this is why i never end up but with deadbeats, liars, cheaters, and jackasses liking me- because i'm afraid to take the risk but all the damn deadbeats in the world will...

it was serious! hahaha and so is my fear.... do you really, honestly, truthfully think that if i don't do something fast he'll slip away? maybe because he'll think i'm leading him on? or maybe because he'll be confused? i now realize he does like me but what if he still rejects me? i think you all give NT's too much credit.. we've got more social shortcomings than you could believe and more fears too... because people can be so cruel when they reject you- NT or not and it effing hurts.... i don't want to embarass myself or him or make us both extremely uncomfortable....

lol.... i don't think inviting him to my house will do anything but stress us both out... we both live with our parents (although he's older than me) i think perhaps a neutral place? maybe? i hope you're right about fate/karma/or whoever... i think its obvious now... lol in fact the only place i can tell him is at work but here are the approaches i came up with that i could use to tell him- i know you gamester and tequila especially are HONEST (which i do appreciate, might i add) so if you could i'd love it for you to tell me which was best (i know my status in likening me to a 5 year old in kindergarten, but here goes):

-tell him that i like talking to him and that we never have enough time to spend together- so maybe he'd like to go out and spend some time together?

-lay it all out there that i like him and that i would like to go out with him

-that maybe we should go out together sometime (without mentioning that i like him at the time)

-ask him if he likes me like that and then depending on his answer, tell him i like him back and that i'd like to spend some time with him

-get into a conversation with him and link that conversation somehow to an activity and invite him (we talk about movies so then invite him to come see a movie with me)

I am scared because i like him and as humans were never entirely sure that our affections are being returned... thats what makes me fearful... and i know its dumb- and for that i'm sorry lol but i'm not as fearless as you... and i'm plenty more uncertain than you would think...love is the greatest thing in the world.... and i would love to experience it with him- loving isn't necessarily the hardest part- - the hardest part is letting go of the fear... the rest is easy....

(ALTHOUGH TOTALLY UNRELATED BUT RELATED IN A WAY) I got my nipples pierced a few weeks and the hardest part was letting go... it wasn't getting it done but letting go of my conventions and breaking myself in enough that i could experience it... and now i'm as happy as can be... i think its just the way i think of things.... once i do it, i'll be relieved- so much so that i might actually get some sleep!

lol im thinking so too... letting go is hard for me though... ooohhh! i hate thinking like that if i don't go after him so that he'll never be mine.... i think timing is a big problem too (and i'm not making excuses!) but i think because its hard to find a minute to spend with him because our breaks are often times not a tthe same time but also because when his shift is over he's out the door quick as anything and i don't have time to run down and find him because the area i work i'm massively busy....

but i have to find a time soon... i need to just do it really quick without thinking... and then it'll be out before i have a chance to think it over enough to stop myself! hahahahaha i hope he obviously likes me... because i'm obviously afraid he doesnt! if you're right and my asking him out gets me a yes from him i'll give you both a kiss! hehehehe i appreciate you and gamesters brutal (but so necessary) criticism... i need to wake up and get active... asap....

hahahaha i am obsessive- to the end that i obsess over being rejected, denied, and perhaps in some way broken into pieces by any answer he has to give me... thats my only obsession ever... of course if he told me to get lost... i'd be gone in a second, no question at all... i don't believe in obsessing over those who don't even want to be obsessed by you...

If me and Gamester are right, can we have a kiss? woah....leave me out thankyou very much.


A neutral place? Caramel darling. I'm running out of options here trying to help you, and at this point getting paid for my services I soon may be doing.

Obviously your heart and mind are in two seperate places, your mind doesn and your heart does. in other words, a bloody hell of a condundrum....OYE VEY!

You need to stop running from the dark and start embracing the light.

If you don't act soon enough, you will lose the only chance you may have ever had. I'm sure that even if this one weren't to work, there would be others............but NONE LIKE HIM DANGNABIT!

so get to it....soon. please.

OK, maybe not him then. In that case, could I have a longer one then? ROFL - j/k.

I (again) back up what Gamester says - either s**t or get off the pot, in other words.

charging? lol what gives!
..alright, alright i'll leave you out of that one!
i think perhaps i should just face him and stop making excuses....for myself. lol if fate is enacting itself through you that would probably make sense because somebody really wants me to do this- otherwise i wouldn't be on this site here getting advice from you lovely people! so i know what i have to do- thank goodness he won't be there to day as i can try getting my things together for tomorrow....lol count on tomorrow if he'd allow me to get him alone for a few minutes!

sure hahahaha
you both maybe wouldn't think this was so hard to attempt but recjection is a b***h... and although, as it stands, my chance is 50/50 then i'd say i really don't have much to lose but mind okay so then tomorrow it is...

okay, first the standard disclaimers (all aspies are different, i don't know either of you, i can really only speak for myself, blah blah blah...) but here's what i think:

1) if you think he likes you, he almost certainly does. it's hard for him to communicate it to you, but he's *trying* to. that's a big hint!

2) you shouldn't necessarily take no for an answer. i mean, if you ask him out and he doesn't accept, then that's all you failed to do (make him comfortable enough (or whatever) to accept). aspies don't like 'playing games' in relationships so if he liked you in the first place (and see point 1 for that) he's not gonna stop liking you because you did or said something in the wrong way (gosh that is so silly!) in fact, he'll probably just think you're the normal person and HE screwed up, as always... (what, me, projecting!?)

in my first week in high school a girl came over to my house after school to ask me if i wanted to come over and study, and i did, and the next day she was all flirty and she asked me if we could do that again some time and i said sure. i guess she was inviting me to come over again but i didn't get that then and didn't go, and she never talked to me again..

hope you can at least get what i mean, despite my, um... shall we say 'confused,' writing style...

Caramel, darling.

DON"T BLOODY WORRY ABOUT THE BLOODY REJECTION!

besides, even if he says no, there is still the fact that you two will remain............friends...I guess.