Ok Cupid

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...with a taco on the side?

I think I need to switch to something more "serious" like eHarmony or something... [shrug]

Meh... it's hardly worth spending any amount of money... $20/mo or whatever will pay for a night of beer & chicken wings with the guys... time far better spent!

If you're not getting at least 50 messages a day asking for casual sex, you definitely are doing it wrong.

Guys, you are much better off at any dating site that bans or filters members who message other members for casual sex. Women are more likely to read their messages (correct me if I'm wrong, women) if they don't have to sift through 101 "wanna f**k?" letters.

Haha, I don't think that's quite true. Sure, it's an option, but you don't have to use it that way if you don't want to, and there are plenty of people looking for long-term relationships. The people propositioning others for sex sure are forward, though.

Yeah, I'm quite happy with the way it works for me. I hardly ever get propositioned. Actually, maybe never. And I've used that site on and off for maaany years.

I think there is something wrong with that matching system. I read on women's profiles that they claim to be independent and when we have some sort of dialogue they seem independent. They pay for their own, they want their space, yet personality page shows her as less independent to the point that it dominates the scale. This is from someone that answered 500 questions. Or they are are telling me it, but I need to read between the lines.

It depends on how you answer the questions. Remember, the questions are rated differently depending on the importance level you assign that question. I was able to improve my matches greatly just by tweaking those things, and I think I've answered over 500 questions.

Okay what has happened to this site lately? 9 out of the last 10 messages I have received have been just "Hi how are you going?" or something similar. *sigh*

What their profiles are for?

Look I know that their ways aren't effective according to many articles, but let me tell you something, for you and all the females who are extensive online-dating users: In real life, this how humans introduce themselves ie. "Hi, I am Sam!", "Hi, are you new here? I am Sam"...etc ; now if the girl finds Sam attractive physically she starts to extend the conversation and ponder the guy further.

In real life, guys don't go tell a girl in real life something like "Hi, I have noticed that you were listening to jazz on your ipod, jazz is one of my great interests!" - or "Hi, I have noticed you play pool well, maybe we can play sometimes together" - that's a bit creepy you know. I know that on okcupid, guys are supposed to do something like that, to mention something about the girl's profile in the first message but in real life, this isn't natural.

Discovering things in common come later during the conversations; what those guys are doing is just what they do in real life; and they should do normally in a real life courtship, thing is that most of them aren't aware of the differences between the real life courtship and the BS unnatural courtship of online-dating .


Besides, don't be so abnormally picky by whining and disqualifying guys just because they said "hi, I am X" or "Hi, how are you doing?" - first they don't owe you a longer intro message than that, remember many females don't respond to most messages even to the good and profile-relevant ones for whatever reason; so many of them lost spirit in writing intro relevant longer messages - in fact I bet that many of them would talk something about the profile in the second message if they get a reply to their first, even a very short one; but most would be hesitant to waste time in doing so in the intro message knowing that there's a high probability of never being considered.

Second what if the sender's long profile shows that he's 90% compatible with your taste/interests/goals, would you just miss out that opportunity just because he said "hi how are you doing?"?

Males, applaud me.

Females, save your tomatoes for later.

Okay I will phrase this in terms of "guys" and "girls" if you like, even though the messages weren't all from guys so I wasn't separating genders like you have.

I real life, it is fairly obvious that a guy is focusing his attention on you, and not 50 other girls at the same time. Online, this is not so clear. So, if in real life, the guy at the bar went up to a microphone and called out in a general manner "Hi, how are you?!" while pointing at me and various other girls in the room, I would not pursue a conversation with him. And in online dating, that's the way it looks if you send a cut & paste message.

I'm pretty experienced with filtering out time-wasters etc., and I have found that if I do bother to reply to such messages, it never turns out well. What do I say anyway, "Hi, fine thanks, how are you?"? That's an awfully slow method of communicating. In real life, there is an instant reply, so it's okay to say one line at a time. When there's a day or more in between messages, you would want to add a bit more substance, would you not? I have IM turned off, so these are not instant messages, they are like emails.

I always send thought-out messages. Or on the odd occasion that I send a lame one, I don't expect a reply.

^ what if his match score is 99%?

Those bi/homo girls are doing what most straight guys have to do: to inatiate.

I am talking abt my world though, the hetero world.

Last edited by The_Face_of_Boo on 08 Feb 2013, 7:51 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Someone with a match score that high would not send a "hi how r u" message. Guys that similar to me don't do that. I think I have already spoken to all of my 99%ers.

Gosh!

If I get a message saying something generic like 'Hi, how are you?' from a person I like the look of, with a literate profile, I don't care or even bother to consider whether they've sent it to 50 other women as well - the fact they've sent it to me means I'm in with a chance so I go with it! lol

It's just a starting off point anyway - it's where things go from that starting point that matters in my opinion, not how impressive a person's opening gambit is

People who do over the top first messages are often a bit weird and often up themselves in my experience. I prefer a down to earth humerous message to an impressive one

I once replied to a person who sent me the message 'nice tits' - not because he'd felled me with his charm but because I found it funny and he was relatively nice looking. We bantered back and forth for a short while and nothing came of it as I wasn't that
badly in need of an ego boost but it was an amusing way to pass the time

I bet you'd have ignored him as far too crude and unimaginative

Sometimes crude people can also be interesting and witty though

Yeah I'd have ignored that guy, but only because I'd not see him as long term dating potential, with an opening line like that. Every single time I've thought "what the hell, I'll give this one a go" when I otherwise wouldn't, they have turned out to be far from what I'm after.

I don't have the same expectations of people as you. If I find them entertaining, interesting and relatively ok looking I'll probably continue the communication - that's my basic criteria. I don't factor in whether we will even meet or have a relationship - I just look for people who I can get along with and enjoy talking to initially and see where it goes from there.
If you click with the person you usually get together soon after. I won't need to have a series of dates to suss them out; I'll more or less know that we're compatible beforehand.

^ Yes that's definitely a different approach to mine. Most people who I find overly interesting and entertaining are not people I could tolerate in a relationship. The people I'm most attracted to tend to be the ones I have rather, err, calm(?) conversations with, not those I would describe as "entertaining". So I could have plenty of fun, playful, entertaining convos on Okc if I chose, but they would rarely lead anywhere.

Last edited by yellowtamarin on 08 Feb 2013, 9:00 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I'm boring so I want entertainment! lol