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uwmonkdm
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10 Apr 2013, 3:01 pm

MjrMajorMajor wrote:
uwmonkdm wrote:
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
uwmonkdm wrote:



My sexual problems are due to dealing with this. I'm unable to be spontaneous and I'm overly careful, because I had to be for years... I don't know what 'normal' is anymore.
Whatever other issues you seem to think I have, are not due to this.
With that said, I am not blaming them, I am blaming myself for trying to make something work when I knew it was messing me up; therefore I have decided not to enter into that situation again.

I didn't put a stamp on all rape victims, the word "most" does not equate to "all"..


I think this is very understandable. When presented in the original list(s), this and a few other bullet points seem to translate into dismissive and callous offhand comments, which isn't true.


I'm a highly educated person, I don't make decisions lightly. I'm not some ret*d rape culture pushing redneck.
I'm glad one person gets it.
I'm still sick of all the arguing on this site though, I have better things to do. I've only been posting a few times a day and I'm still getting stressed out that I have to explain myself down to every last little detail or I might be labelled as some BS, or warned I might be banned for using the F word. Sigh.


I hear ya, and maybe it's good to take a breather. I think you've been a positive to the forum personally, but we do trend toward the nitpicky and pendantic. :wink: Maybe visit WP again when you're feeling less stressed? :)


Yes, I've noticed.... I may come back, but I'm certainly taking a break.
I may have met a girl anyway, even though I'm not ready for something right now it's certainly worth exploring. It's a little awkward that she has the same name and she's from the same country as my ex-fiance though.. I swear it wasn't done on purpose :?



Lilya
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10 Apr 2013, 4:11 pm

uwmonkdm wrote:
I'm a highly educated person, I don't make decisions lightly. I'm not some ret*d rape culture pushing redneck.
I'm glad one person gets it.
I'm still sick of all the arguing on this site though, I have better things to do. I've only been posting a few times a day and I'm still getting stressed out that I have to explain myself down to every last little detail or I might be labelled as some BS, or warned I might be banned for using the F word. Sigh.


You do seem to get into arguments easily. You might want to reconsider your manners and language at times, if you have a habit of getting stressed or warned.

Psychology is best learned IRL than books by the way. There is a lot of good reading, but it's still everyday phenomena it's based on.

I don't know those girls you've been involved with and I don't know how you handled those situations. I don't think you're "evil", but you seem to have a handful of problems.


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Cafeaulait
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10 Apr 2013, 4:28 pm

Lilya wrote:
uwmonkdm wrote:
I'm a highly educated person, I don't make decisions lightly. I'm not some ret*d rape culture pushing redneck.
I'm glad one person gets it.
I'm still sick of all the arguing on this site though, I have better things to do. I've only been posting a few times a day and I'm still getting stressed out that I have to explain myself down to every last little detail or I might be labelled as some BS, or warned I might be banned for using the F word. Sigh.


You do seem to get into arguments easily. You might want to reconsider your manners and language at times, if you have a habit of getting stressed or warned.

Psychology is best learned IRL than books by the way. There is a lot of good reading, but it's still everyday phenomena it's based on.

I don't know those girls you've been involved with and I don't know how you handled those situations. I don't think you're "evil", but you seem to have a handful of problems.


Totally true. I learned the most by giving presentations and interactions in workgroups.



uwmonkdm
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10 Apr 2013, 6:17 pm

Lilya wrote:
Psychology is best learned IRL than books by the way.

you seem to have a handful of problems.


I'm not talking about your BS pop-psychology. That kind of thinking is the exact problem these days. Advances in Psychology come from the people who have read the books, then used that knowledge in real life. Skipping the first step results in people like you who think they know how to diagnose people with "problems" and writing garbage books that the masses consume like candy; proceeding to quote those books as "psychology", and here we are.

I'm coming off as an abrasive as*hole because I fully intend to. You're being presumptuous and making comments about me as if you have any clue who I am. You know a small part of my relationship and sexual history, and you know how I react to passive-aggressive personal attacks. Clearly that means you can deduce everything about me with your amazing knowledge of "real life" Psychology.

I don't appreciate people telling me "you have problems", "you have mental issues" etc.. when there is nothing wrong with me other than I disagree with your utopian view of patient recovery in western psychology; a topic I'm infinitely more educated in than you are.
The fact that you believe all women get sexually assaulted or whatever in some way is enough for me to question your mental condition. Sounds like trauma-induced psychosis; paranoia and an anxious neurosis towards men.

Back to reading Jacques Lacan for me.



Lilya
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11 Apr 2013, 4:34 am

uwmonkdm wrote:
Lilya wrote:
Psychology is best learned IRL than books by the way.

you seem to have a handful of problems.


I'm not talking about your BS pop-psychology. That kind of thinking is the exact problem these days. Advances in Psychology come from the people who have read the books, then used that knowledge in real life. Skipping the first step results in people like you who think they know how to diagnose people with "problems" and writing garbage books that the masses consume like candy; proceeding to quote those books as "psychology", and here we are.

I'm coming off as an abrasive as*hole because I fully intend to. You're being presumptuous and making comments about me as if you have any clue who I am. You know a small part of my relationship and sexual history, and you know how I react to passive-aggressive personal attacks. Clearly that means you can deduce everything about me with your amazing knowledge of "real life" Psychology.

I don't appreciate people telling me "you have problems", "you have mental issues" etc.. when there is nothing wrong with me other than I disagree with your utopian view of patient recovery in western psychology; a topic I'm infinitely more educated in than you are.
The fact that you believe all women get sexually assaulted or whatever in some way is enough for me to question your mental condition. Sounds like trauma-induced psychosis; paranoia and an anxious neurosis towards men.

Back to reading Jacques Lacan for me.


See what I mean?


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Greb
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11 Apr 2013, 6:45 am

uwmonkdm wrote:
Lilya wrote:
Psychology is best learned IRL than books by the way.

you seem to have a handful of problems.


I'm not talking about your BS pop-psychology. That kind of thinking is the exact problem these days. Advances in Psychology come from the people who have read the books, then used that knowledge in real life. Skipping the first step results in people like you who think they know how to diagnose people with "problems" and writing garbage books that the masses consume like candy; proceeding to quote those books as "psychology", and here we are.

I'm coming off as an abrasive as*hole because I fully intend to. You're being presumptuous and making comments about me as if you have any clue who I am. You know a small part of my relationship and sexual history, and you know how I react to passive-aggressive personal attacks. Clearly that means you can deduce everything about me with your amazing knowledge of "real life" Psychology.

I don't appreciate people telling me "you have problems", "you have mental issues" etc.. when there is nothing wrong with me other than I disagree with your utopian view of patient recovery in western psychology; a topic I'm infinitely more educated in than you are.
The fact that you believe all women get sexually assaulted or whatever in some way is enough for me to question your mental condition. Sounds like trauma-induced psychosis; paranoia and an anxious neurosis towards men.

Back to reading Jacques Lacan for me.


But it seems like you have mental issues. It seems that you have been 'used' and you has not been able to overcome it.

It's not an attack. I'm very aware that this 'support a woman that has been a victim' can be a politicaly correct but irrealistic suggestion. Reality is that many (not all, but many) women that have been victims of rape, mistreat, betrayal and so, when they find a guy that support them... they make this guy pay the bills. In the deep end, it's a kind revenge: I have been hurt, now I'm gonna hurt. I know it very well, since I use to be very naive in relationships and I have paid quite a few 'bills' (indeed, many). Up to a point that right now I remain single, and even if some girl has showed some interest, I feel too reluctant to intimate again.

What you're doing now is to look for a way to justify your feelings, to explain them as a logical option, and that is exactly what you exs did: they justified themselves in order to feel well with their behaviour. They hurted you and they never felt guilty because it. It's likely that even the opposite.

And now, you're becoming your ex.


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Cafeaulait
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11 Apr 2013, 4:04 pm

uwmonkdm wrote:
MjrMajorMajor wrote:
uwmonkdm wrote:



My sexual problems are due to dealing with this. I'm unable to be spontaneous and I'm overly careful, because I had to be for years... I don't know what 'normal' is anymore.
Whatever other issues you seem to think I have, are not due to this.
With that said, I am not blaming them, I am blaming myself for trying to make something work when I knew it was messing me up; therefore I have decided not to enter into that situation again.

I didn't put a stamp on all rape victims, the word "most" does not equate to "all"..


I think this is very understandable. When presented in the original list(s), this and a few other bullet points seem to translate into dismissive and callous offhand comments, which isn't true.


I'm a highly educated person, I don't make decisions lightly. I'm not some ret*d rape culture pushing redneck.
I'm glad one person gets it.
I'm still sick of all the arguing on this site though, I have better things to do. I've only been posting a few times a day and I'm still getting stressed out that I have to explain myself down to every last little detail or I might be labelled as some BS, or warned I might be banned for using the F word. Sigh.


i dont understand why you are getting so worked up.
you are not obliged the reply. second, whoever bounces the ball, can expect it to be bounced back



LiamN79
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12 Apr 2013, 3:50 am

Deal breakers-

Religious. (I don't care if you believe in a God, just so long as you don't affiliate with the BS religions.)

Out of shape/fat/lazy.

Only speaks one language.

Prefers TV over books.

Prefers fiction over nonfiction.

Thinks America is a Democracy (it's a Republic, know the difference!).

Goes along to get along.

Doesn't question authority.

Likes team sports.

Enjoys celebrity gossip.

Doesn't like guns.

Likes big government.

Tomboys.

Believes in astrology.

Slept with more men than years you've been alive. (I'd never ask, but if you have chances are you've got something I don't want)

Poor hygiene.



blue_bean
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12 Apr 2013, 4:49 am

LiamN79 wrote:
Deal breakers-

Religious. (I don't care if you believe in a God, just so long as you don't affiliate with the BS religions.)

Out of shape/fat/lazy.

Only speaks one language.

Prefers TV over books.

Prefers fiction over nonfiction.

Thinks America is a Democracy (it's a Republic, know the difference!).

Goes along to get along.

Doesn't question authority.

Likes team sports.

Enjoys celebrity gossip.

Doesn't like guns.

Likes big government.

Tomboys.

Believes in astrology.

Slept with more men than years you've been alive. (I'd never ask, but if you have chances are you've got something I don't want)

Poor hygiene.


Omg! All these years of not attracting much attention could be because I don't pretentiously speak fluent french and play tennis??



LiamN79
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12 Apr 2013, 5:05 am

blue_bean wrote:

Omg! All these years of not attracting much attention could be because I don't pretentiously speak fluent french and play tennis??


I don't like tennis, nor do I speak French.

It is because you don't box, and speak Latin. ;)



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12 Apr 2013, 5:15 am

LiamN79 wrote:
Deal breakers-

Religious. (I don't care if you believe in a God, just so long as you don't affiliate with the BS religions.)

Out of shape/fat/lazy.

Only speaks one language.

Prefers TV over books.

Prefers fiction over nonfiction.

Thinks America is a Democracy (it's a Republic, know the difference!).

Goes along to get along.

Doesn't question authority.

Likes team sports.

Enjoys celebrity gossip.

Doesn't like guns.

Likes big government.

Tomboys.

Believes in astrology.

Slept with more men than years you've been alive. (I'd never ask, but if you have chances are you've got something I don't want)

Poor hygiene.


And some people say that aspergers are not good with metaphors :mrgreen:


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uwmonkdm
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12 Apr 2013, 5:27 am

LiamN79 wrote:
Deal breakers-

Religious. (I don't care if you believe in a God, just so long as you don't affiliate with the BS religions.)

Out of shape/fat/lazy.

Only speaks one language.

Prefers TV over books.

Prefers fiction over nonfiction.

Thinks America is a Democracy (it's a Republic, know the difference!).

Goes along to get along.

Doesn't question authority.

Likes team sports.

Enjoys celebrity gossip.

Doesn't like guns.

Likes big government.

Tomboys.

Believes in astrology.

Slept with more men than years you've been alive. (I'd never ask, but if you have chances are you've got something I don't want)

Poor hygiene.


You want a woman who likes guns, but isn't a tomboy? Good luck, lol.



LiamN79
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12 Apr 2013, 5:31 am

uwmonkdm wrote:

You want a woman who likes guns, but isn't a tomboy? Good luck, lol.


Thanks, but none needed though since I'm in America. ;)



Schneekugel
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12 Apr 2013, 5:46 am

LiamN79 wrote:
Deal breakers-

Religious. (I don't care if you believe in a God, just so long as you don't affiliate with the BS religions.)

Out of shape/fat/lazy.

Only speaks one language.

Prefers TV over books.

Prefers fiction over nonfiction.

Thinks America is a Democracy (it's a Republic, know the difference!).

Goes along to get along.

Doesn't question authority.

Likes team sports.

Enjoys celebrity gossip.

Doesn't like guns.

Likes big government.

Tomboys.

Believes in astrology.

Slept with more men than years you've been alive. (I'd never ask, but if you have chances are you've got something I don't want)

Poor hygiene.


Generally I understand and in most I would agree for my partner.

Simply because of me being nosy, why "team sport"? So I dont do any myself, but cant see the misadvantage of someone doing teamsport as normal hobby?

The other thing that I think it can be hard is the combination of a woman, that isnt into television and social gossip and is interested in scientific articles, but shall be no tomboy. As I understand, for US citizen a tomboy is a woman, that simply doesnt follow the picture of "feminity" as it is shown by advertisements, social media and social women groups, and that doesnt follow social habbits, if they have no scientific sense or in the opposite are even a misadvantage from a scientific view . So you want a woman that does behave according to social rules that are presented by medias and advertisements and nespapers as cosmopolitan or shows as "Sex and the City", and that follows social habbits, even when scientific articles shows them to be nonsense, but she shall not be interested in advertisements, social medias as television and instead be interested in scientific nonfictional articles. I think this is a combination that cant work.

So if a woman doesnt watch television commercials or read nonsense newspaper, telling her that the end of the world will come tomorrow if she doesnt shave her leghair, and knows that this is complete nonsense because of her being interested in nonfictional scientific articles, why should she decide to shave her leghair to be not "tomboy" style? Or wear idiotic shoes, that are complete senseless from a scientific sight, because instead of improving her to walk, what is the sense of buying a shoe, they are disabling and crippling her. And additional they are leading to massive deformations of feet bones, spinal columns and the included muscles and body-"tapes" and -"craves" and lead to massive problems when you are older? So I already have a partner but except for these part I wouldnt fit into your list. The problem I personally see for finding a woman like that is, that because of me fitting at 90% of your deal breakers, I am what you would call a tomboy. I mean from which nonfictional article should I have the need of painting my fingers with poisonous chemicals, that additionally poison the environment in the process of production? Or go to work to earn money to waste it afterwards by buying me shoes, that are a completely failure, because instead of improving me to walk after buying them, I instead walk worser? Or add a combination of oil, chemicals and colour particles at my face? It simply never made sense to me, because of me ignoring social chit chat, ignoring typical woman medias like cosmopolitan or else nonsense, and rarely watching television so rarely watching advertisements, telling me that there would be a sense to buy shoes, that worsen my abilities to walk? Not to mention shaving eyebrows to repaint them 2 cm above the spot they originally have been? I mean woman doing so, seem not to be much outside, because their is a sense to eyebrows, they are protecting your eyes from rain and sweat by forcing liquids to follow the line of the eyebrow, so that liquids flow down your face beside your eyebrows? There simply is no sense to such things, if you dont let nonsense media tell you 2 hours a day, that it would be otherwise.

So I am not fluent english speaking, so if I simply have a wrong definition of the word "tomboy" I am sorry. I really do not mean any of this as offense, but I am simply curious, also from a personal view. So as example I rarely have any female friends, because there are very view woman that are not into "typical female behavement as presented by social medias", and woman more interested in books and scientific are very hard to find for me. So the few females that share their interest for hobbies and interests with me, that are not the typical woman stuff, are because of this also more tomboy style. So I really would like to have at least one more "typical" female contacts, because it sometimes causes trouble that I almost have only male friends (so as example I really would appreciate some help for festivities and so on sometimes, where I am expected to look more "typical female"), but because of all "typical females" that are not tomboy style, having no common interests with me, it simply doesnt work.



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12 Apr 2013, 6:59 pm

Tomboy is a deal-maker for this guy <<


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LiamN79
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12 Apr 2013, 7:07 pm

MDD123 wrote:
Tomboy is a deal-maker for this guy <<


If you don't already live in the south, move to Arkansas. There are plenty of tomboys there. In fact, the majority of their hobbies are watching football, muddin', huntin' 4 wheelin', and fishin'. And that's how they spell and say it too.