Where do smart men hang out?

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there are other options..like...you don't allow yourself to be beaten..at all

Pray tell, how? Were this an option it would've solved the problem of my life a long time ago. I am not even physically weak, the opposite, but I am clumsy and socially inept and seem to have some kind of congenital psychological inferiority or timidity that comes from some kind of aspie introversion), and that seems less a choice than a genetic prison in which to make a series of unpalatable choices. (Strangely I don't think I've ever really expressed this sense with this degree of honesty before)

I am not you, so I can't tell you how. But being honest with yourself is definitely the first step. Being aware of what it is you want for yourself is next.

I can be unclumsy and I can be socially adept, but it comes at such a massive price that I am not willing to pay it.

Nobody leads a life without compromise.

No that's quite true. I doubt there really is a choice to be made, at least on the clumsiness side, which does seem pretty much hardwired neurology on my part, what little of it is understood. But the choice is I suppose, to deal with it in stoic detachment or to hide away. Perhaps I just don't see the point of a self-immolation. The issue of choice is interesting. I have been told recently that I have made a certain decision which is an 'easy choice' which somehow cheats me of making a 'better' harder choice. But I don't know - the easy choice is often the one least afflicted with delusional self-importance. A relationship for example is probably something I want from a mixture of some kind of idealised image of a mental connection with someone and sex, and in some respects I wonder if it is even a good way to go about achieving either.

I don't know. My exes used to make fun of me and get angry with me for my clumsiness. "What is wrong with you? Why do you have to be so clumsy all the time?" - like I do it on purpose.

One time, when I was a child, I was playing under the table upon which my mother had placed all the freshly washed wedding crockery to dry - it was after a party. I stood up, forgetting that I was under the table and the whole thing crashed on the floor leaving only a sauce boat and one plate unbroken. My Mother didn't even yell at me at this point, she just sat down and cried. This is just one tiny example of many many more. At some point, I had to decide not to hate myself but also, I realised, people were better off if I wasn't near them. At least those people who cared about the stuff like fine china and what other people thought of them.

Whatever the choice you made, you made it. And relationships are not difficult to come by really. Peace of mind is.

Eh, perhaps subconsciously I have chosen that which manifest itself in my stubbornness to conform to certain standard ways of behaving, or interestes and dressing (i.e. wearing brands and so on) which supposedly would get me a girlfriend. And given meaning to my life by working towards a project to be a polymath of sorts by simply accumulating vast amounts of knowledge over interpersonal relations.

But, yeah, the clumsiness issue is an interesting one. I just internalised the anger directed against me by my parents, mainly because of my habit of losing things, into a kind of self-loathing. Some of this is where my distrust of the world comes from, the rest from my time at school.