Do you find love when you stop looking? Why?

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This is the truth:

I'm 5 foot 5, (now) 195 lbs, not a model-looking guy by any means. The most that could be said about me is that I "look like Robin Williams."

I don't believe in "fairy tales," either--but when I stopped actively looking for dates, women started coming to me because they felt trust in me. While I was looking for dates, I gave off "the vibe of desperation " (per Olive Oil). Women became REALLY turned off by me. They swatted me around like so many gnats.

Basically, the best thing to do is to treat ladies like friends. Don't talk about romance or about dating statistics or whatnot--until you've had a few "get-togethers."

It's true that Lyndon Johnson (an American president) was able to propose marriage on his first date to Lady Bird--but he was a huge, 6 foot 3 guy with a roaring personality. I'm neither 6 foot 3, nor "roaring." I'm just sort of meek little me. I have to take the patient approach.

I agree with this. Take an interest in them. Talk. Let them get to know you.

It's not that women necessarily want to be chased - maybe some do, some don't - but we're brought up to think that guys are supposed to make all the moves. If a guy lacks confidence, and/or doesn't show really clear and obvious interest, then we start doubting things and lose confidence ourselves.

Then if you talk to a friend about the situation, hoping they will be encouraging and boost your own confidence a little, odds are they are going to do the opposite. Especially if it is a jealous friend (male or female) who wants to interfere and bust things up. They will be vicious. Either they will say the guy is an as*hole, cares nothing about you, is "not that into you" etc. Or else they will put him down as being weak or immature.

And they will put you down for being a female who is interested in or in love with a guy who isn't blatantly pursuing you. I can't emphasize enough how nasty people can be about it. It is one of the most stigmatizing things you can experience as a female. And if it ever happens once, it can mess your head up for a long time.

Excuse please my generalisations,but I do think if one is the sort of quiet person who sits back and waits, you are more likely to find a more gregarious sort of women who makes a pass at you, but maybe you want a quiet sort of person like yourself, one who is also waiting for love to find them, whilst luck a circumstances play a part, it is highly likely that both sides will be sitting there waiting anad doing nothing and love will pass them both by.
It certainly happened for me like that, I had fast women after me but they where not my type, my type were probably thinking I wasnt interested because I didnt make a move.

That's YOUR issue. That's the INDIVIDUAL women's issue. Not the guy's!



That's YOUR issue. That's the INDIVIDUAL woman's issue -- she's got a brain, it is up to her to decide if her friends are right or if they simply don't have HER best interests at heart.

If the boyfriend's a good guy who happens not to be a blatant pursuer and the girl's cool with it, then tuning out the "friends" is always an available option. (With the caveat that if your generally supportive friends all loathe ONE boyfriend, there probably is something amiss with him).



This specific scenario requires the girl to put up with friends and family who put her down for being with a guy "not blatantly pursuing her". I don't, haven't and wouldn't. The alternatives are telling the person putting down the partner to zip it and walking away when they don't.

Have I disliked other people's significant others? Yes, of course. Have I ever said anything to them about it? Yes, ONCE, if they're somebody I'm really close to. After that I zip it.

(I told dear friend that she wasn't her usual cheerful self with her Fiancé, with whom she'd broken up 500 times. That life was too short to have to replace dishes hurled in anger. Then zipped it. Stood up for her at the wedding 11 years ago. I was wrong. They're together, happy and have thee kids).

For the longest time, I didn't get what probably 80% of my friends saw in their spouses. That they were getting the fuzzy end of the proverbial lollipop. And mostly decided that I liked my friend more than I disliked their spouse and put up with the spouse. In most of the cases, I came around to genuinely liking or at a minimum not loathing the spouse. Age mellows people, including myself.

In the few cases where I still dislike the spouse, I tell the friend who tries to continually b***h about Spouse's [unchanging, perennial] behavior that "it's not new information and how about those [name of local sports team]".



Only if you let it. You chose to let others demean what was presumably a good relationship. You let other people's biased judgements impact your view of yourself. That's 100% YOUR issue.

No, it's partly my problem for not having total unassailable confidence in myself or in a relationship, which is unrealistic to expect of any human being. Partly the guy's problem for being aloof or withdrawn, or not being more open with me about his feelings, or just flat out lying to other people about his feelings.

And partly it is other people having a problem where they want to make assumptions and judgments and butt in with unwelcome opinions, like you're doing right now. You might as well just "zip it" because I'm not remotely interested in hearing what you have to say. Let's see if you really have the ability to do that, lol.




This is a stock phrase used by people when they want to deny responsibility for their own behavior, and push it all over to someone else. *yawn*

Making yourself miserable because dates you like don't live up to other people's standards (despite meeting your own) seems like an excellent way to make yourself miserable.

Getting yourself banned over and over again so you have to keep creating new accounts to troll the board, seems like an excellent way to waste your own time!

Why do some of these aspie girls keep trolling this bored? I never understand why some women get off on putting men down and making them miserable with their words.

I don't think that she was trolling this time.

Hopefully soon a mod will ban their IP so they can't create any more accounts.

she seems to have made 3 new ones all at once today. thats a new tactic.



shes a NT woman who hates aspie men.




no she usually starts of trying to pretend shes not her, so she is nice but she can't hid it for long as she just wants so much to reach out and attack us.

Who else will point out that you're sufficiently repulsive that pretty much all women avoid you? That spending 99% of your time alone in a room is probably causing your problems?

Ladies and gentlemen, I am just gonna state the obvious: we have a doppelganger in our midst. As a WP member who respects creative integrity and intellectual property, I am disgusted at how much you have copied a troll. From the flamebaiting, to the creation of multiple accounts. Do you not have any value or respect for originality? It's cheesy, it's disgusting. I personally find it absolutely atrocious. I am embarassed to be sitting here in front of my computer even dignifying you with an answer of my opinion.

Last edited by Catlover5 on 30 Aug 2015, 9:07 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Well yes, but I don't really care about her, just about things she says. When she says wrong things I don't have a problem telling her. It's not that since she often trolls people everything she says is automatically wrong. If a friend tries to sabotage a girl's crush for his/her own selfish interest or slutshames her for actively pursuing a guy, they are not good friends and if the girl listens to them it's her fault.
I bet you agree with her too in this case.

Perhaps it's more that he avoids women, than the other way around. He needs to go out more and to make friends and stuff. I think that by telling him that he's so repulsive you will accomplish nothing but making him stay in his room even more.