My girlfriend told me I am greedy and selfish, am I?

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Have you talked with your parents or another family member about this stuff? What do they have to say? Believe me, family members are *very* insightful and their input is highly valuable. They know you in ways other people do not and can help you see things that are in your blind spot.

Oh okay, I thought you meant not ready in general maybe, or something.

I haven't talked about it hardly to anyone, because I feel that I shouldn't talk about my gf behind her back to people I know. I mean on an online forum I feel it's better because no one knows her, but my family and friends all know her, so I feel maybe I should keep our business between us, when it comes to our loved ones maybe?

I don't think you need to talk to your friends about it, UNLESS you have an extremely close best friend. I would recommend you talk to your family. Even if you say something like "I'm thinking about asking her to marry me. What do you think? Do you have any reservations about it?" Leave it open-ended. If they ask if YOU have any reservations, then you could tell them what you are concerned about. I'd only involved CLOSE family - parents and siblings. This is not something that has to be blabbed about to anyone. Just the closest of the closest people to you.

Before my sister met her husband, she was with a guy I did NOT like. I didn't trust him. I couldn't really put my finger on it, but I had bad vibes. My parents were trying to be more supportive even though they also had reservations. (I was definitely vocal about not liking the guy.) When she finally was getting married to her husband, the other guy came up in conversation and it was then that I learned that her best friend was ALSO telling her to ditch that other guy. She didn't like him either! Her family AND her best friend could see that there was something wrong there. It took her 3 years to listen to us, but she finally ditched the other guy. Later, she found out he had been cheating on her. Soon afterwards, she met her now-husband and he is a great guy (got approval from all the family and friends.)

This is just one reason I suggest you find out from those closest to you who can see the situation and who your girlfriend is IRL. We can only give advice on things we cannot really see. We do not know you, we do not know her. Tell your family you want their honest assessment. There is wisdom in many counselors.

Okay thanks. I guess I feel it's wrong to talk about a gf problem to others behind her back in a sense. But if not, then I could do it.

Well my best friend is the guy who says I do not buy her movie tickets or drinks enough, that I mentioned before, so I don't know if he will have anything negative to say about her, but I can ask him on the situation.

I did talk to a couple of other friends just tonight about it, and they said that they kind of feel that she may be a bit problematic with money compared to me, and they feel that something is off... like they have a feeling I should be cautious.

But they said they felt that way back when the problem was worse, and lately it has been much better.

Okay thanks, but when I see that video, I guess I feel hypocritical since my gf is poor.

Well I talked about asking for a pre-nup with my friends and they said it was kind of harsh. One of them suggested if I get married, and say in the future I should get divorced, just give all the money to my mother, since I have a really good relationship with her, and then she can give it back to me as a gift, after the divorce. It's much more appropriate than asking for a pre-nup.

What do you think?

I think it'll be better to push for the pre-nup so you don't have to worry about her getting your business or home in the event of a divorce. I don't think it's harsh but rather realistic thing to ask to protect yourself just in case. She'd be willing to sign it & give the marriage a chance if she really loved you instead of telling you no & that if you'd really loved her you'd get married by the date she insists on without a pre-nup. It sounds like manipulation to me.

Yeah I guess, cause even if I own my house with my money in a separate account as of now, I can't just give that to my Mom in a marriage, right?

I think any lawyers involved in a divorce are going to chase down any money you "give" to your mother.

What we think doesn't matter. You need consult a lawyer or similar professional who knows the divorce law where you live.
The chances of finding an expert on this forum are pretty small if you calculate the odds.

I can do that. But so far lawyers I have spoken when it comes to other things such as business related matters, I often find their advice to be contradictory. So I would expect divorce laws to be no different. But I will try.

As for my gf, I told her that after all I have done for her, I deserve a pre-nup for a marriage. Was telling her that too harsh or self-righteous or untrustworthy at all?

Tell her you've lost your job and you've spent most of your money for some family's treatment.

Watch her how she'll suddenly stop loving you.

I think it's understandable to us why you said that. It sounds like you have done alot for her & she should be appreciative of that & trust that you would seriously try to make a marriage work with her.

Yeah I guess I just find it hard to believe that she doesn't love me, since she does all these things for me. She makes me lunches for work, and little things like that, and I don't even ask her to, but she insists.

And she's had no problem paying for her own things for the last few months and seems to have learned something. And the thought of her not marrying me caused her to cry for several days, and she couldn't even keep any food down.

So it's for me to believe that she doesn't care, since she makes such a big deal out of the relationship.

She probably DOES love you, and she also wants to control how you spend your money. Those things are not mutually exclusive.

You aren't selfish. You are just different.

I too often show love by planning, saving, strategizing and achieving fun moments while being cheap.

For example, I hope my fiance won't mind that I got him lessons so he can make extra money, instead of buying a traditional birthday gift! He loves being pampered with gifts. It's so expensive I figured I could pay for him to learn how to make what he spends so much money on. Love and practicality. Killing those two birds with one stone is like heaven to me!

Maybe it's the same for you?

Either way, if you do not give in, she will secretly detach from you and start seeking other people to give her what she needs.

When a spouse says they really need something and they mention it over and over again, you have to trust that it's VERY important and that with time you will gradually lose love. . So to her, when you find your own way of doing things instead of just giving her what she wants, it's like you forgot how to spoil her. If she gets too bored, someone else can swoop in and compromise your relationship.