Feeling undatable

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sly279
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16 Feb 2016, 11:36 pm

Sabreclaw wrote:

slw1990 wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

Do you ever get a chance to talk to them? You should try just making casual conversation if you get a chance. Figure out something you have in common with them and talk about that maybe.

Yes, I've talked to some of them and they ask questions about my life sometimes. It just sounds like they are much more interested in talking to other people, but are more distant towards me and that probably means that they aren't interested.

Try asking out men on this site then. You'll probably find lots of them to be accommodating - the undatable folks will probably consider it a blessing from the lord and eat each other alive for a chance at your hand in marriage. Everyone gets a happy ending.

Except she likely sees us as not good enough too, like most the women on here. And if aspie women can't even like us it's hopeless that any nt women ever will.

AsahiPto17
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17 Feb 2016, 3:29 am

@sly279, I think that you are too pessimistic about women, like every post I see from you have that same tone. Lots of people, no matter how "desirable" seem to find love. Lots of aspies find love too, with NTs or other aspies. I really don't believe aspies are undesirable, just a little different.

@sabreclaw you actually make men here sound pretty desperate/annoying though...

Something more on topic I guess, is that I find that my biggest "undatable" aspect that I know of is that no one would ever really have the chance to date me because I just kind of keep away from people :/ Nor do I really get how to meet girls irl who I'd be interested in without going way out of my current comfort zone. Even on the internet I don't really meet people I'd really be interested in that often, and looking back on people I've 'liked' I don't really know what I saw in them. Though I feel like I've learned about how things work a bit with relationships and danger signs and such, so I feel a bit more confidant about how I can navigate things now vs then...

Stargazer43
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17 Feb 2016, 6:06 am

slw1990 wrote:

wowiexist wrote:

Do you ever get a chance to talk to them? You should try just making casual conversation if you get a chance. Figure out something you have in common with them and talk about that maybe.

Typically that just means that they don't know you that well yet. I used to think the same thing myself, but then I realized that people's interactions towards you are typically directly dependent on how well they know and trust you. Try to get to know them as well as you can - what their hobbies are, whether they have families, how long they've been there, etc. A lot of the time, even the jerks at work will soften up if you actually get to know them - I think that it's easier for them to be mean to someone that they don't know anything about.

sly279
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17 Feb 2016, 2:01 pm

AsahiPto17 wrote:

It's anot aspergers that makes use undateable , but the stuff aspergers causes.
Low income or no jobs, no car/driver license, generally lives with roommates or family. Those are u I verbally undesired by women regardless of if their nt or not. Aspies are way more likely to be in such situations then nt. Finding work requires one to be really social and interact with people to get hired, then to climb the cooperate ladder. Even getting s min wage job is quite a task. Then of course lots of aspies can't handle a 8 hour day 40 hour work week such jobs require. Though to climb the ladder usually means even longer days. Most my friends work 12-18 hour days. Owning a car is rather hard to do on s low income. Getting a license without a car to learn in and test in is impossible. Affording a place alone is too, hence roommates.

I'm not sure why it matters to women, two people on min wage could rent a place together. Own a single car, and love quite happily. Or they could take the bus and save money. But that want the thing society says they need, big house, lots of money, 4 kids, middle class American Dream that is slowly dying everyday with the economy. The difference between rich and poor population is growing. I think that's why middle class people are so quick to attack poor people, they so afraid that any day they could be the poor people, but that's another issue.

I tried to be positive and try to be hopeful, but tin the face of such negativity from women it's really hard to be. Poor family's growing up seemed more happy then the middle class families I saw. I don't see what's wrong with living in a shared apartment with your SO, even if had a kid you don't need more then 2 bedrooms. I still have some hope and positivity but it's dying and I don't think I'll have any by time I'm 30 in 2 years.

Peacesells
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17 Feb 2016, 3:37 pm

Sly don't extend your situation to most people with Asperger's. I see here plenty of people with decent jobs and with relationships. I think people like us might be a monority even among Aspergians.

sly279
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17 Feb 2016, 4:45 pm

Peacesells wrote:

Sly don't extend your situation to most people with Asperger's. I see here plenty of people with decent jobs and with relationships. I think people like us might be a monority even among Aspergians.

I see few people here with middle class jobs and that's assuming.
I see lots of people either working min wage or on disability.

Aristophanes
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17 Feb 2016, 4:54 pm

sly279 wrote:

Peacesells wrote:

Sly don't extend your situation to most people with Asperger's. I see here plenty of people with decent jobs and with relationships. I think people like us might be a monority even among Aspergians.

I see few people here with middle class jobs and that's assuming.
I see lots of people either working min wage or on disability.

People see what they want to see.

now I feel sage-like...

edit: added quote since it's a new page.

wilburforce
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17 Feb 2016, 5:01 pm

Sly, why do you need to make every thread about you and your problems? If you don't have any advice or support for the OP, maybe post your complaints about your own lack of a dating life elsewhere. Derailing OPs thread to make it about you is not cool, and also boring because you say the same s**t over and over again about women.

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sly279
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17 Feb 2016, 5:26 pm

My post was to demonstrate there's worse things then simply feeling undateable, she's. It undateable, there's tons of guys here and likely thousands of guys where she lives who'd date her in seconds. This is just a case of the guys she into and deems worthy aren't into her. That's not undateable. I'd hoped to demonstrate that she's not undateable and maybe she'd feel somewhat better. People choose to rep,y back and question my posts, I'm. It going to ignore them.

There's no advice the op will take. If she wants to get a relationship as suggested by other people she should pick from and date one of the hundreds of single men here.

I didn't derail it,mi posted others chose to derail it they could have ignored my post like the op has.

If there was a giant ammount of single women here I'd be messaging a few and taking advantage of a huge supply of single and wanting to date women. There isn't but there is a huge amount of single and wanting to date men for women to take advantage of. As in get dates not use or hurt. Also from what've I've seen they are often the type of kind and caring men women here say they desire.

Aside from that advice to here would be the same that many men get here: stop going after guys who are too good for you. That as a guy I know how hurtful to hear that is. How do you know who's too good for you?

What advice or attempt to help the op have you done?
So I've done more by default of just offing any advice.

She's a beautiful woman with cool interests, she seems quite kind(something not so common with women anymore) she'd probably have lot of responses on dating sites, after excluding the sex only messages. I have a feeling though she wants a higher class guy, probably handsome , athletic and middle class. Only reason I can see she'd feel undateable, there's way more. On middle class or fatter guys in this not so great nation, 2/3 Americans are obese and the middle class is such a slim part of the population and shrinking.

Well done on further derailing her thread by the way, if you'd posted nothing choosing not to attack me I'd had no reason to further post on this thread. I have every right to post in any thread and try to help if I choose.

AsahiPto17
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17 Feb 2016, 5:41 pm

homework > forum squabbles, so I'm keeping this short.

@sly I remember you on irc like a year ago going on and on an on about how women are greedy and selfish and such. Maybe if you have such an opinion of them that's why you have bad luck, people can pick on on negative feelings like that. Not to mention the whole subconscious mechanisms that are affected by such outlooks, causing you to do or not do certain things that would affect your like in one way or another, i.e., you could just be pushing women away on some level because you dislike them. And why does the OP have to take the advise here on who to date or not date? It just seems like you're getting frustrated with her because you are frustrated with all women. Instead of berating women just try to make some female friends or something... If the locals in your area are really so bad just move, or talk to people online, without getting so worked up.

sly279
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17 Feb 2016, 6:00 pm

AsahiPto17 wrote:

Wp irc? Only been on it once in 2013
I don't dislike women, I do dislike the superficial ones who say I'm not a real man because I don't have a great paying job, car and own house.

The op doesn't, I never said they had to take advice.

I'm not berating her or women.
I have no need for female friends, I have very little in common with most women therefore nothing to do with them. Friends are people to do things with. I'm too poor to move and doing so would harm my family. People on line even here have been just as bad. I really don't think it's a local thing but a west civilization thing.

How is me being nice, kind, playful a dns wet and them telling me I'm not a real man because I make 9.50 and hour my fault?
Maybe a mod can separate all the responses after my intiatia post into another thread. I meant it as a encouragement and it's only spread as people just had to attack it.

wilburforce
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17 Feb 2016, 6:43 pm

sly279 wrote:

You are not contributing anything positive to this thread or helping anyone.

I am a single woman who is pretty poor, and I would not date you: it has nothing to do with your financial situation and everything to do with your horrible attitude and perpetual negativity in general, but especially your negativity towards women. But I'm sure you will interpret that as me not wanting to date you because you don't have money, because you can't seem to see the world (especially women) any other way and refuse to acknowledge reality. You sound like a downer who is obviously deeply depressed and filled with self-loathing who refuses to get any sort of help or try anything different. Why would any woman who is not also horribly depressed and negative want to date someone like that? Maybe you should confine your dating searches to women who hate themselves and feel their lives are pointless and already over--it's the only way you will find compatibility unless you change your attitude.

AsahiPto17
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17 Feb 2016, 6:50 pm

sly279 wrote:

AsahiPto17 wrote:

I never said WP irc...

I'm not attacking you, I'm disagreeing with you and your mindset, is that not allowed? Attacking would be much more harsh.

Quote:

I have no need for female friends, I have very little in common with most women therefore nothing to do with them.

That's your problem there, you need to find women you have things in common with. What do you expect, someone to just be like "I will carry your child and live with you" like a robot without having any kind of rapport or friendship or anything in common, why would you even want a relationship like that? If you don't keep trying what good is complaining about it on the internet going to do, other than being a depressing influence on others who already feel hopeless or negative enough?

My personal idea of a good relationship is a deep, strong friendship with romantic attraction mixed in. I don't like calling myself poor, but I'm certainly not affluent right now, but I plan I starting businesses and such to change that. I wouldn't want to be in a relationship with someone who puts too much weight in how much money I have anyway. I would want someone to like me for who I am, not what I have, because that doesn't matter in the grand scheme of things.

Stop blaming the world for your own shortcomings, and stop projecting them on others.

Last edited by AsahiPto17 on 17 Feb 2016, 6:53 pm, edited 1 time in total.

slw1990
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17 Feb 2016, 6:53 pm

Sly: I'm not upset with your replies and think that you've been supportive. When I like a guy I don't think it really has much to do with their status. Maybe liking certain guys has to do with rigid thinking due to being autistic or something, idk. Guys rarely show interest in me IRL though. A lot of people in general just seem uncomfortable and creeped out by me, especially guys. I often feel targeted by others. I've felt rejected and have been pushed away by others several times. The only relationship that I've ever been in was a long distance one with a guy who didn't really seem that interested and along with that and my trust issues with them didn't work out and that's why I feel this way.

sly279
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17 Feb 2016, 7:16 pm

slw1990 wrote:

Sly: I'm not upset with your replies and think that you've been supportive. When I like a guy I don't think it really has much to do with their status. Maybe liking certain guys has to do with rigid thinking due to being autistic or something, idk. Guys rarely show interest in me IRL though. A lot of people in general just seem uncomfortable and creeped out by me, especially guys. I often feel targeted by others. I've felt rejected and have been pushed away by others several times and the only relationship that I've ever been in was a long distance one with a guy who didn't really seem that interested and that's why I feel this way.

I mean to be supportive but I do tend to spiral when others reply. Sorry :/

What type of guys do you like?
I tend to like many kinds of women, I don't seem to have a rigid thinking. I do like playful personalities more though. I also find clumsiness to be cute. Perhaps why I get crushes on anime characters as bunch have those and other personalities I find cute and attractive.

I still think part of that is simply because you're beautiful. It's intimidating to a lot of guys, nothing to do with your personality or anything you do. We too afraid to ask you out because you seem too good for us or likely in a relationship. Asking a girl out who turns out to have a boyfriend already is a big fear. I wish people in relationships wore a relationship ring. To ad promise rings never caught on.

I really don't see how you'd creep out anyone unless you follow them around town or something hiding behind bushes like some anime Girls do.

Do you have a dating site profile? It might help. Thoug you do need to me careful. I prefer to talk to someone for a while before making a date, then meet somewhere public. This goes for either gender. I think it'd widen your possible guys, they'd get to talk and know you before meeting , which to me helps bond.

For the record I'd date you. I dont know if it's go to a relationship, as that depends on how we'd match up , which I think is what dating is for.
Hugs

sly279
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17 Feb 2016, 7:29 pm

AsahiPto17 wrote:

sly279 wrote:

AsahiPto17 wrote:

I never said WP irc...

I'm not attacking you, I'm disagreeing with you and your mindset, is that not allowed? Attacking would be much more harsh.

Quote:

I have no need for female friends, I have very little in common with most women therefore nothing to do with them.

Most relationships I've seen are people with a deep romantic attraction and little common. Guy goes shooting, lady goes to tennis . They may like some similar shows and movies but even then lady's tend to like drama and their guys action. They all seem to have a bunch of superset hobbies and groups, but attend family and public outings together. There's a few relationships where they share lots of hobbies and whip I'd love to have that, vide game playing, target shooting pro gun, supports welfare, a joys history, camping, walks, women are few. There's not a lot of women into the games I play. Finding one who's into that in guns less still. Most women into guns or games were introduced to them by their bfs. They deemed such activities not feminine never giving them a shot. Most gamers are married to women who hate games and wish they wouldn't played, I constantly hear them complaining in the background, or guys shaving their girl says they have to get off. So I've come to accept ther I likely won't find s girl into the things I am, limiting myself to them would be completely dooming myself. Most women seem to follow gender roles, the go shopping at the mall, hang out with other women, paint their nails, buy makeup galore. Trust me most guys would love a gamer, outdoor gun girl, most guys wife's aren't that girl thoug, so most guys settle, because there not a lot of thos girls. As to how they started the relationship i dont know. I'd guess mutual sexual attraction 0.o many have been in relationships for years up to 40 years married. So clearly not having a lot in common does work.

I dont know if I actually want kids anymore. I did. I find them cute. But until they age 4 their also very disgusting. I like the idea of teaching my kids shooting, campin, hiking, and playing with them. I dont know if I could make it though the first few years thoug, but I guess my grandpa did, but he had a very strong wife.

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