Is it unfair of me to ask my gf for a prenup in this case?

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I don't understand. Nobody here is able to tell if she is manipulative because they don't you two well enough. Only you can decide that. If you don't go to her birthday, she will interpret it in terms of revenge/retaliation, and not self-respect. Also, if you decide not to go because you think she is manipulative, you might just as well be fair and break up with her instead because that is where that will lead.



If she argues without listening (which wife usually does when she is upset), there is no use in talking to her at that point. I'll wait until she has calmed down and starts to listen again. Might not be how your gf is, but if she is like that, be smart about it.

Gee, you need to stop trying to figure out who's fault things are. You don't need to find somebody to blame. What counts is that you are able to get over your disputes, not who's fault it is.

it probably was a mistake not to tell her you were seeing a lawyer. that doesn't justify her insulting you. it justifies her being upset. she should have said she is upset and left it at that. sounds like you BOTH could use lessons in learning to fight fair. it's your fault she was upset, but her fault for responding with an insult. you are NEVER responsible for having been abused.

the thing where she saw a movie with another friend is no big deal. the friend that said it is may be the over-jealous type. two people in love can have separate interests, friends, and activities.

it sounds like you two don't have lots of arguments over money. i think the relationship is basically good.

I only find that really weird. I never make any promises to myself, but I have a number of things I want to handle in reasonable ways. If I fail with one of those, the world is not coming to an end because of it.



She is right. You are making a too big deal out of it.

Okay thanks. I don't mean to say that the world is coming to end, I just really feel bad at myself for making a promise to myself and not keeping it. I feel my I go against my integrity and dignity by doing so.

As for whether or not we get along with money. We have been getting along really well for almost a year, until this prenup issue. We were not getting along with problems with money before. She had a friend who she says was influencing her badly and she dumped that friend, and then things were a lot better between us. I didn't tell her to dump the friend or anything, she just did it on her own, saying her friend was a bad influence on our relationship. I didn't know she was, until she told me. The fights we had before I talked about on this forum before in another thread before. Here it is:

viewtopic.php?t=297473

So far as getting along with money, we had some disagreements last year, but things were fine now till the prenup disagreement came up.

so you're more of a saver, and she's more of a spender. this is the only important issue of this whole situation. if you don't mind compromising on this from time to time, i think you have a good relationship. if this is a deal-breaker, breaking up sooner rather than later would be good.

Well she is often bothered by the compromising it seems from that last thread, would I be right?

i didn't see that about her. you, however, seem unsure of yourself and resultingly all too willing to see negative in others.

Okay thanks. What did you see about her then, that maybe I don't?

you would both benefit from pre-marriage counseling, especially to learn what is good communication in an argument.

She won't go with me to any though when I asked. She says I need to grow a pair, get married, and forget this whole thing.

go by yourself and teach her by example. she needs to learn not to get aggressive when she's upset and to take responsibility for her unkind words. you need to learn not to make things worse than they are. it would also help you sort out your feelings better than looking for answers here.

Clearly you have communication problems. Sort them out before marrying!!

I don't want to get involved in the "who's fault it is" debate, but as someone happily married for a long time I strongly advise you to postpone the marriage and find a way for both of you to work on your issues and see if a compromise can be reached or not. I can't stress this strongly enough: you need to do this BEFORE you get married. Believe me, if the two of you are really good together you'll find a way, being pressured to get married when you have doubts and recurrent significant problems usually leads to disaster. Love and romance are wonderful but marriage as a long term partnership also requires a common strategy regarding finances. It's not about being materialistic, but about being on the same page regarding the major issues that will affect your future, and you and your spouse need to be allies for the rest of your life.

If I were you I would try to have a serious and calm discussion with her (as in both of you preparing beforehand and not make angry, knee-jerk comments about each other or your balls), explaining that you love her, want to built a life with her and are willing to look for a compromise, and you would like her to show the same willingness and commitment by seeing a councillor or exploring this impasse together without either of you adopting a "my way or the highway" attitude.

This.

I can't get over how she just left you behind and went with your BEST FRIEND (a guy) to the movies and had him pay for it. Is that what she's going to do when your money runs out is leave you for the next guy - in this case YOUR BEST FRIEND?! How can you keep seeing these signs and ignore them? Jeez Louise! This is why I'm not a shrink. If I was getting engaged, do you know where my priority would be? With my Hunny!

i see ZERO problem with her having gone to a movie with someone else. i would do it now and i'm in a good marriage. ironpony was invited and decided not to go. i had no problem with my husband today being one of two people, the other female, in a writer's group meeting for three hours. he is trustworthy.