Still haven't found a girlfriend

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I'm bisexual and agree with.Ecomatt.

Ive had bad experiences with 'lesbian' girls who turned out to be bisexual and end up dating a male after all.

These people with 'fluid' sexualities need to pick a label and stick with it.

Otherwise you may.only confuse and hurt others.

"I love you. I've helped you realize your lesbian? (2 months later),now your straight again. What?!"

I'd be much happier if a bisexual girl who rejects me just admits she's not interested in me or if she would have dated me but strongly prefers women and wants a girlfriend at the time just tell me that then say 'lesbian'.

Look, I understand other bisexual peppe go through phases just like I do.

Sometimes I only feel attraction to women, sometimes men, sometes I prefer one over the other then it switches again

But i would only start calling myself 'gay' or straight if I didn't feel an attraction to one sex for, say 10 years+.

The 'lesbian' girl who rejected me had her last boyfriend only about 5 months beforehand and said she only recently stopped feeling anything for.men at the time.

This isn't the first thing something like this has happened for me.

I don't think he's said anything offensive.

I didn't have a good night last night well i did until New Year fireworks but then My Mum and Stepdad hugged and kissed, My stepbrother and his girlfriend did the same. I felt so left out and trapped and wanted someone for me to do the same.

We all played a movie game which is a big step for me but again i will left out because my stepbrothers girlfriend was telling us about a movie she saw with my stepbro and again i was thinking i wish i could take a girl to the movies

Okay the reason a lot of gay folks have had "straight" sex is because "straight" sex is for the most part the, for lack of a better word, norm. So while growing up, their parents and families assumed and treated this child as if they were straight and would have straight outcomes (dating, marriage, etc.) And this child grew up with this idea of "norm" in their heads, even though a lot of them starting feeling NOT norm at a relatively early age.

So a lot of people try to FORCE themselves to be norm just to fit in. You'd be surprised at how many gay folks there are living the life of a straight person. They get married and have kids, even though they're gay. And no - it doesn't mean they're bisexual. It means they're gay and living a lie just so they can fit in, for whatever reason - usually it's religion.

My best friend growing up was a black Christian man who revealed he was gay in his middle 20s. He said he had been hiding it for years because his community was not at all friendly to homosexuality. He went so far as to get engaged with a woman before he came to his senses and broke it off, although he never quite came to completely accept himself and was always quite depressed and fell into chronic alcoholism. It's pretty awful what religion does to people.

You need a new attitude. You need to switch off this part of your thinking. Being down and depressed over lack of something will only lead to more bitterness and negativity. The kind of girl you want will be highly sensitive to that negativity. I can't explain it, it's like they can smell it in your pheremones or something. If they get so much as a hint of that, they will run away from you as far as the east is from the west. Don't do it. Concentrate on the positives instead. Hey, you talked to a girl (or two?) at the movies. That counts for a lot more than I expected from you at this point! Kudos, and great job. Now do it again!

Small victories. Don't worry about the big stuff.

Stepbrother's gf, huh? I smell potential...

What you need is practice.

First, a note on what NOT to do. Back in my lonelier days, I picked up a few techniques that got me close to IAR girls. I was a master at negging long before I ever heard of PUAs. It's a slimy technique. Basically, you look for something a girl is insecure about, or just flat out invent something to evoke or draw out insecurity. When she has to face these apparent flaws, it builds up feelings of inadequacy. You subtly tear her down from within and hope she doesn't see through it. You then follow this up with a lot of validation and affirmation, causing a maelstrom of confusing emotions and sexual tension when you set yourself up as the knight in shining armor. It's a remarkably effective technique.

I was never good at the subtle part, so I'd just go straight for the obvious..."you're upset with your bf? He's such a cool guy! What's wrong? I had no idea, you seem like such a great couple. I never knew you were so unhappy. Well, obviously he's a jerk. If you were my gf, I'd never treat you that way." It works more times than people like to admit.

So why devote so much bandwidth to what NOT to do? Well, in my experience, negging is a good way to have fun with an attractive girl already IAR and looking for either some relief or a good excuse to end the relationship. If being the alpha dog is your thing, go for it. It's great for an ONS. Bad for LTR. I never had such intentions back then and was very clear about that. So in retrospect I wonder if those girls were really just using me instead of the other way around.

It's also useful to understand WHY negging is so effective. Mainly it's because of what all (yes, ALL) girls want. Same as what all people want: to feel important. See, everyone is insecure and has a button to push. Negging challenges our securities and self-importance. We'll seek out anyone who will affirm and validate. Anyone who both fuels our insecurities and yet affirms/validates weilds power over us like our own personal Rasputin. Relationships like that are very weak and not meant to last long-term.

Now, as to what you SHOULD do: Again, focus on the positives and order your entire lifestyle on positivity. A lot of girls get huffy when you compliment them. Compliment them anyway, and only hold back your kind words when you are told they are not welcome. Be aware some girls may try to humiliate you. Ignore that and avoid them--they are too full of their own poisonous negativity to be worth your time. It's nothing personal--they are miserable people who only want to spread misery. Don't play their little games.

Find out what a girl likes and ask about it. Ask more questions, try to get her to chase rabbits, and be a good listener. Always tell her how cool that is, that you learned something you didn't know before, etc., etc. Stay positive. Always affirm, always validate, always empathize. You don't have to say much. She'll do all the talking, so just focus on those uncomfortable pauses when you seize on something she said and ask her to tell you more. Practice the golden rule: In order to be fascinating, you must first BE fascinated. Do more for others than for yourself. This has been true for thousands of years and isn't looking likely to change.

Now, for your homework: Attempt to "steal" your step-brother's gf. No, not LITERALLY. Pretend. Engage her in an appropriate conversation, whatever SHE likes. Ask questions, follow up. Act interested, hang on her every word. Your goal is not really to "steal" or manipulate. This is someone you are somewhat comfortable around, someone who won't find you threatening. Use her to practice positivity and the golden rule in making conversation. Just see what happens. You may not get very far, it may not work as well as I think it might, but give it a try.

And keep us up-to-date on your progress.

Arguing over a definition isn't hate-speech territory, nor is it getting close. Settle down.

Is it perhaps that you want people to fit into categories? You know like black and white.

The problem is that life is a grey area and no where is that more true than in the dating world.

I've had an experience with a girl but am completely straight

Well I Suppose we all did have a nice meal and all of us talked about tv programs, christmas, the new year tonight. Where could i find the right girl though because it is not as easy as walking up saying hi you look nice, fancy going on a date.

I'm not the one with a problem. Take it up with the WP PC police. All I did was point out that a certain religious text took a certain stance on a certain sensitive topic. I was not promoting a hateful view, just simply stating a fact. For my efforts I got read the TOS and an official warnings.

For a website concerned with neurodiversity, there's an ugly tendency towards sameness.

Having said that, the good on WP far outweighs the bad. The few gripes I actually do have are hardly worth mentioning. I've got no beef with anyone. The uneven censorship against me in PPR caught me by surprise. My former enemies are mostly long gone and I haven't run afoul of mods since that incident with [censored: discussing banned members violates TOS]. WP is a strange place, but is IS WP after all.

Is that a joke? Because if not, this is hilarious considering the subject matter.

Well, it CAN be that easy, but you really need to PRACTICE with girls you already have on hand. Like your step-brother's gf. Just get her talking about herself and don't let her shut up. That is all. You can branch out later as your comfort level increases. And be patient. This kind of thing will take a lot of time.

As to where... Well, you can meet girls on the bus rides, I'm sure, and more likely on campus while you have breaks. For anything less obvious, I've got nothing until you become more independent. You need to learn to drive, and see if you can borrow a car or arrange something with a coworker. Save up about £4k and buy a beater. Find out what a flat will run you a month plus utils, save up enough money to cover 6 months of expenses. Move into your own place, start looking for the local hangouts. Proceed from there.

My experience in the UK was limited to London, Bath, Brighton, and that was only for a week. I'm afraid you have to do your own homework. The simplest answer is you meet girls any place you meet people. Admittedly this isn't very helpful, but until you solve your independence problem, that's the best I can do.

Hang in there and keep doing what you're doing. It's working!

I "self-censor" these days because I know what's coming. If this were a REAL mod edit, I'd have been pm'ed an official warning. I know the drill! It's a joke, obviously, but only half a joke. The proper etiquette regarding banned members seems like the unspoken rule about pregnant girls where I went to school. Nobody talked about them. They just "vanished" one day and it was like they never existed. I think there should at least be a memorial thread for banned members, but no. We just ignore them out of existence.

You're frustrated because human behaviour doesn't rigidly follow some dictionary definitions because your thinking is so Aspie black & white that you don't see the simple fact that there's a grey area - for virtually everything - but especially for something so complex as human sexuality. People don't behave exactly like some wordsmith decided to define them via strictly defined terminology. Just because people do something that's outside the little box you've decided to put them in with a label doesn't mean they don't identify with that label. It's really pretty simple.

Did you read my.post?

Words communicate meaning, idea and identity.

But sure, I'll tell everyone I'm straigjt one day then gay the.next

Nevermind that female acquaintance who developedfeelings for.me, shed be confused frustrated and heartbroken if I constantly switch between straight, gay, asexual, bisexual, and back to straight again all in one month etc.

A 'lesbian' girl i went on a few dates on turned out bisexual, a bisexial guy i developed feelings for told me he realized he was straight, and last I heard he thinks he's bisexual again along with being gender queer. An asexual girl i crushed on has a boyfriend now and in a YouTube video (she's a popular YouTuber) flirted withnher boyfriend subtly suggesting sex.

She broke another guys heart over the fact she was asexual. She said she was a non romantic and non sexual asexual.

You've already done this, but I believe fluid people.need to pick a label ad stick with it for the consideration of others, even if that label is 'confused' about their gender or sexuality.

I would only consider mysef straight.if I stopped feeling attracted to men for a few years and if a guy wants to date me I'll just say I'm not interested, not call myself one thing then do the opposite.

That is often called 'lying' in most other contexts.

There's also
the legal matter that comes into play. The medical system keeps sexuality on record for medical reasons,in most countries you must still put male or female on your ID, at least atm.

How am I supposed to take fluid people seriously if they don't even take themselves seriously? Sometimes treat gender identity as a joke. Just go on tumblr to see how ridiculous gender identification has become.

https://ageofshitlords.com/list-of-all- ... rs-so-far/

A lot of transgender people get annoyed if you use the wrong pronoun but if you go mentally from man to woman to bigender to agender to woman to man in the span of a week I'll just call.you 'confused at the moment' and consider you as you biological sex until you make up your mind.

What you're not seeming to grasp here is that "fluid" IS the label that some people identify with because they're in constant sexual/gender flux. No one is obligated to select one rigid label and force themselves to stick to behaviours within it for the convenience of your understanding.

It is not just for my convenience, it is for the convenience for the world.

The medical system, legal system, your job, etc

Everyone categorizes, not just me and Eco matt.

The opposite can be said, gender fluid people can't always expect the world to accommodate itself to them for their own convenience.

If they really are that fluid and free spirited to the point they can be one gender one week and the opposite another, then I don't know what to tell you.

That's the kind of indecisiveness that isn't healthy for your wellbeing.

Deciding you are gender fluid is like deciding you feel both positive and negative emotions.

It is not an identity in itself, it is a mindset and state of being.

If you change genders all the time, then why not just identify under your biological sex for the convenience Of not just me, but every other 7 billion people who need a simple, non complicated answer to this question: what is your gender?

Saying "I change gender all the time, it depends on my mood at the time" doesn't answer the question and gives not enough information.

At the very least, pick a pronoun ad stick with it. I sure hope most gender fluid people don't change their pronoun.

If you're a man one week and a woman another, then pick they instead of switching between he and she.