It is possible to simply not have what women want?

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My problem is I don't like the idea of that, of being the kind of guy a woman 'realized' she wanted to be with.

I don't have to be her dream guy, but I much prefer the idea of being a guy she moderately likes the idea of already, before she even met me, instead of "he's the kind of guy I never could have seen myself with! He's got bad teeth and is a NEET and unambitious! But I love him!"

It feels kind of insulting to me, I know you and the other women who ended up with a boyfriend they didn't expect don't mean to insult him or put him down, but I'm sure you can still see sort of what I'm talking about.

What about a gender-bent version?

"I eat healthy and lift weights, I'm confident and charismatic, have a 6-figure career, and a flashy car, and I ended up with a woman I never thought I would have! She's kind of ugly and overweight and boring, never went to college and works at Mcdonald's and is awkward but I love her and she's amazing!"

I actually see a lot of women say they thought their boyfriend was 'kinda ugly' at first and didn't like his bad teeth or baldness or slight chubbiness whatever, but once they 'got to know his character' they became attracted to his body physically.

Can't there just be one girl that from the get-go thinks I'm at the very least decent looking? To think in her head "Ooh, he dresses pretty good, and I like his face, and he looks like he lifts weights and takes care of himself. " instead of "Urmm, he's kind of ugly, but he's a little cute I guess? I don't know. :/"

It almost implies to me that the person they're with has a lot of bad things about them they do not like but they still love them anyway purely because of the fact they love them.

Almost like 'settling' but a little different.

I hope I never have to do that to a girl, either. I'd want to like her looks and personality from the get-go. This was true for both girlfriends I had. At the very least I thought they were 'okay' rather than 'kinda ugly/weird'.



One the one hand, I think it's perfectly reasonable for a person to raise their standards the more they improve themselves as a person, on the other, I also think it's very reasonable to still be willing to give a chance to people of lower 'success' level than you, especially since it's likely they are in a position you USE to be in.

Let's say your looks and personality were, combined, make you a 5/10. You would date people a 3-6.

So you improve yourself and become a 7. I think it would benefit most people and give them the biggest dating pool if, instead of only dating 7-9 people, they still give 5 or 6's a chance.

They've raised their standards and would now prefer a 7, someone at the same 'level' as them, but would still date a little lower.

For example, let's say I was a woman who, after graduating high school, lived with my parents for 2 years and in that time did not study or work a job.

So let's say I got a job, just something simple like Mcdonald's, and then moved out, got a car and can now drive.

In my experiences a woman like this probably wouldn't give a guy her age still living at home, can't drive, no job and not studying a chance, even if he has a good personality and she is attracted to his looks.

That's what I mean.

I get tired of young males who still live at home, not working, not studying, etc. are called 'entitled' and don't want to put in the effort in dating.

Some, if not many of them, have disabilities and are trying to improve their life the best ways they know how to and can, but many N.T. women might consider him a dealbreaker because he can't live alone, work yet, etc.

Even if I became more successful, I wouldn't raise my standards too much. I'd still date a girl exactly in the same position as I am because I've been there.

I can understand though say if I became rich I wouldn't date a poor girl like me, but I'm talking about the middle class and lower-middle class mainly.

I think this is the sort of empathy most people lack.

Think of it people's standards as minimum standards, preference/ideal, and maximum.

When people improve themselves they tend to raise their standards, but they raise their minimum/cutoff point a little too much.

Last edited by Outrider on 01 Dec 2016, 11:28 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sly is considered a creep because people are afraid of those who are not in the least bit creepy.

They feel he is "hiding something."

for the most part, IMHO, "creep" = fear of the different.

Indeed....

IMHO people who reflexively turn away from the different are living circumscribed gray lives.

It's bullcr-p.

The majority of anthropologists, biologists, etc. agree and have found through decades of research that there is universal traits of humanity found in all cultures, times and places.

Humans share 99.99% of DNA with other human beings.

We aren't as different as we think, if anything I'd say we're MORE similar than we think we are.

If people are so different, how do movies ever become popular?

Why is Soccer the most popular sport in the world?

Of course a minority will have different views, but there is generally a majority opinion on anything.

Some activities are universally enjoyed because they are imprinted into our DNA and genetics.

Swimming is a natural past-time our ancestors took part in and is universally popular world-wide today.

Physical activity, art, exploration, nature, design/craft/build, observing things, etc. are all things every human enjoys. They might not like all of them but there's a guarantee they like one of these things.

We probably like TV because even our ancestors might have watched the waves or fish in the river or a small animal crawling etc. out of boredom.

Hell, even tribes did dances for people to watch and I bet even tribes did their own pseudo-plays.

So no, we're not unique.

Also, 'creep' usually = ugly.

The Halo effect means people tend to apply positive traits to physically attractive people, and negative traits to ugly people.

Average looking people fall sort of in the middle here. People's opinions of average people lean towards neutral.

Look at all the people who usually turn out popular and successful, they tend to be tall and good-looking.

They also tend to be confident, extroverted and outgoing, but they became this way because they were treated positively for being good-looking.

Just like ugly looking people coincidentally happen to often be bitter, jaded and negative. I wonder why...

Some people confuse cause and effect.

Bitter people are most often bitter because of bad experiences, their experiences weren't bad because they were bitter.

Why, in the media, are heroes good looking and villains are grotesque?

Last edited by Outrider on 01 Dec 2016, 10:24 pm, edited 1 time in total.

thank you for illustrating this point.

Donald Trump is not a good example of an 'ugly' man being massively successful.

He's 70 years old.

He's over 6ft, looks good for his age, and was at the very least a 6 in his youth, along with being filfthy rich.



If anything, he illustrates my point.

Most US. presidents have been quite tall.

Y'know who else is tall, looks good for his age already, is in great shape for his age, and was quite handsome in his youth

I don't. Mean I'd like a petite woman but meh I'd probably prefer average/chubby woman.
Petite women are just so cute. Tall man and small woman just seems romantic to me.

I don't understand ratings. Like aliee thinking she's not that good looking or the other women that guy sexed werent, she's beautiful and the others probably all too. I'd never consider myself good enough for them or 95% of women . They'll all too pretty for ugly me

That whole rating people from 1-10 has always confused me

Last edited by sly279 on 02 Dec 2016, 12:51 am, edited 1 time in total.

I wish you would consider couching it differently, like the right one just hasn't come along for you yet. i'm twice your age and I realize that i'm past my sell-by date, but you are still young and still have lots of time for you and the right other one to come together. don't despair.

My sell by date was 2013. Last chance I had would been tricking some woman to love me in college where it would seemed like I was going be successful. No such way of doing they now.

I don't meet any woman's requirements. Too much bad about me if they aren't horrified by my failure it's cause I'm ugly if they found me ok looking they won't date me cause I'm a failure and worthless. Or we lack similar interests or cause I'm not a "real man"
Though most do so cause of all of it.

Then there was the one who ejected me cause I never had a gf before or sex.

Really seem to just be the s****ish man in the world. I'd probably have to me an dictator like what's his name in North Korea to get any female attention and then it'd be forced or some assasination attampt.

I'm actually quite envious of men who get tricked and used by women for spying or some other reason.

Like the guy on blacklist who gf was just using him to spy on the FBI operation.

Obama is 7 months younger than me. He's a pretty good athlete....but he looks his age or older. That's an old picture of him.

Sometimes, people's experiences ARE bad because they are bitter.

It might have to do with the severity of AS in each case. The less severe cases might be able to do some of those things.

I thought you lost your v-card a while ago?