To all the bitter men
Jacoby
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Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,284
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14 Jan 2017, 11:05 am
Luhluhluh wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
Not passive aggressive at all.
It really doesn't matter, does it? Because you're the one living your life. If you are choosing to be miserable or misunderstood or whatever then that's your decision. It doesn't affect me or anyone else, for that matter.
Yup, being autistic is a choice, thanks.
14 Jan 2017, 11:16 am
Jacoby wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
SHOULD. Never 'should' on anyone.
Seriously, yes, there are people on this planet that are less. Yes there are people who are ostracized. And yes, there are people who are alone due to circumstances of their birth. Is it right? No. But the fact remains. Yes, there are.
I can't tell someone how to NOT be autistic because I'm not autistic myself so I don't entirely understand the difficulties. I can only tell someone who is autistic what they're doing that is causing them to have difficulties. It's up to them to figure out how to change that behavior.
MY SO (who is HFA) used to be pretty bad socially, although he's gotten better. One of his things is he likes to correct grammar. He will listen to someone and nit pick one or two words that the person has said incorrectly. So rather than hearing and responding appropriately to the message he would only listen to the individual words and wait to talk so he could correct them. And this made him very unpopular with people. I pointed this out to him, that no one gives a crap about anyone's grammar, it's rude and to knock it off. He stopped doing that and he's better overall.
My point is that, is it right that there are some people who have less and are looked down upon? No. But surely you understand that life is not fair and that won't change anytime soon. So it's YOUR JOB to figure out how to best get along and change what you can to better fit in. If that means losing weight, stop eating so much. If that means you need to get a better job, get your butt to university or get some trade training. If that means you need tips on how to behave socially, find a class on speech delivery or something. But over and over what we see on these boards is people complaining about how difficult they have it, but make NO EFFORT to try to change to better fit in, because it's easier to make excuses than to do the work.
You have no idea what effort people put in to change or fit in, that's exactly what I am talking about. It's ignorance and also arrogance to think that your 'advice' is so enlightened that it will fix people. Perhaps that's why so many young men on the spectrum have such issues with feminism, you have it on one hand this checklist of XYZ things you need before you are worthy of a relationship apparently but simultaneously get told that it's terrible wrong to commodify relationships and that it's about "connecting" with other people. So what is it? Does that only apply in one direction?
"ugh, find a class on speech delivery", thanks! Why didn't I think of that!
Most of the advice given here amounts to "stop doing that, it annoys me".
I have a good idea since I've lived it and please listen to me on this but they are right, like I said in my previous post just because we fit a checklist for someone it doesn't mean women are suddenly going to go out with us, it doesn't work like that.
It takes a long time to form friendships at our age even longer to form relationships, yeah there are people who can get a one night stand or whatever but they usually don't last long. People have all had bad experiences by the time they get to be adults and lived a little which is why you have to spend a good amount of time around with chatting or hanging out with someone before you can even be considered friends let alone a relationship which is another level of trust and commitment all together.
Right now I still don't have friends or a relationship but the difference is I'm working on it, I'm going out to meet people, making sure I become a regular and working on myself to lose weight, to learn how to deal with often at times extreme emotions I feel when people actually take the time to talk to me and that, it is honestly about putting the time in to learn and it has taken me years for people now to not think I'm autistic, they don't even think I am and I can enjoy conversations because I've improved myself to that point.
Take a step back, listen to people who know especially those who are not on the spectrum that are trying to help us and try to understand other peoples perspectives like I have done in the past and now.
14 Jan 2017, 11:22 am
Jacoby wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
Not passive aggressive at all.
It really doesn't matter, does it? Because you're the one living your life. If you are choosing to be miserable or misunderstood or whatever then that's your decision. It doesn't affect me or anyone else, for that matter.
Yup, being autistic is a choice, thanks.
But your behavior is. The point you keep missing - or choosing to ignore, rather.
_________________
That which does not kill us makes us stranger.
Jacoby
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Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Age: 33
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14 Jan 2017, 11:32 am
I don't know about you but 'working on it' doesn't make you happier at least it doesn't to me, I'd say I've become a lot more depressed and cynical about things over the last few years than I was before when I would just distract myself with interests and avoid the stressors. It's very hard for me to focus on multiple things at one time, I am a student and I get As but I find it very overwhelming and I end up neglecting everything else. School is not a social experience for me, not at this level at least, maybe next fall will be better if they let me into ASU but that's a giant school and pretty overwhelming in its own regard. Trying as I do makes you more aware of the deficits, being an adult is lifetime grind your energy for it really dwindles so if you don't have anything else going for you it really feels like a Sisyphean task. I guess I am cursed with having an anxiety disorder on top of autism, just too much to deal with.
Jacoby
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Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,284
Location: Permanently banned by power tripping mods lol this forum is trash
14 Jan 2017, 11:32 am
Luhluhluh wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
Not passive aggressive at all.
It really doesn't matter, does it? Because you're the one living your life. If you are choosing to be miserable or misunderstood or whatever then that's your decision. It doesn't affect me or anyone else, for that matter.
Yup, being autistic is a choice, thanks.
But your behavior is. The point you keep missing - or choosing to ignore, rather.
What behavior is that?
14 Jan 2017, 11:40 am
Jacoby wrote:
I don't know about you but 'working on it' doesn't make you happier at least it doesn't to me, I'd say I've become a lot more depressed and cynical about things over the last few years than I was before when I would just distract myself with interests and avoid the stressors. It's very hard for me to focus on multiple things at one time, I am a student and I get As but I find it very overwhelming and I end up neglecting everything else. School is not a social experience for me, not at this level at least, maybe next fall will be better if they let me into ASU but that's a giant school and pretty overwhelming in its own regard. Trying as I do makes you more aware of the deficits, being an adult is lifetime grind your energy for it really dwindles so if you don't have anything else going for you it really feels like a Sisyphean task. I guess I am cursed with having an anxiety disorder on top of autism, just too much to deal with.
Mate honestly I'm not saying it is a sudden change of your mood and it is going to take a while to improve but you need to do this, I still get that overwhelming stress and upset but everyone is dealing with stress as well, not just us and there is ways to help deal with our extreme emotions, we just have to take that step and keep going.
I understand to do with anxiety on top of autism, I've had panic attacks that made me think I was dying and s**t but the difference is I seeked help and more importantly I seeked to help myself, sometimes I have found people including average people they think a anti depressent or anti anxiety is meant to cure it and that isn't what that type of stuff is for, it is for managing it so we can get ourselves back on track and right now I think you are not on that track at the moment and need to help yourself get on that track because trust me it does improve, it does get better and this is from someone whos been in fights my whole life, been alone, struggling with severe depression etc.
Jacoby
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Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,284
Location: Permanently banned by power tripping mods lol this forum is trash
14 Jan 2017, 11:58 am
I do take medications, I don't find them very effective. Benzos are really the only thing that ever relieved anxiety but you're not really suppose to take those long term and they certainly don't like upping the dosage so they just keep me out of withdrawal more than anything and I really should ween myself off but I don't have anything other way to cope with things besides avoidance. I take the anti-depressant more to keep weight off(wellbutrin) than anything else at this point. I 'put in the work' and push myself as much as I can, I have limited means and wasn't that fortunate to have a lot of support growing up. It takes a toll on you, I am not getting happier by doing it, I become more frustrated and depressed thinking that this is the way it's always going to be for decades and that I just have to accept it. There isn't anything you can say to that I guess, I know I carry a lot of bitterness around but it's mostly directed at my upbringing and where I grew up than other people. I don't know if that chip on my shoulder will ever go away, it's fundamentally affected my worldview.
14 Jan 2017, 12:04 pm
Luhluhluh wrote:
white_as_snow wrote:
but do you not find it unfair that women have so high standards? i cant respect that. you females what a guy with great self-esteem, not virgin, 30 friends and no mental problems. it makes no sense for me. its not like you females are perfect either. so stop with this high standards.
Okay fair enough.
But these are not "high standards." These are BASIC simple human characteristics.
1. A decent sense of self-worth
2. The ability to connect and respond to others (may or may not include sexual experience; this may be tied into religious belief or personal beliefs so it can be a variable)
3. Mentally healthy
In no way, shape or form are any of these ASKING TOO MUCH of anyone in a partner. It's not like any one of these is asking for a gold plated sports car or making more than $100,000 a year lol.
I'm sorry if this is harsh, but if you think asking someone as a partner to have a basic healthy personality is 'asking too much' then consider that the problem is not them, it's you, and something you need to work on. End of story.
Also I wonder if many men would want a woman who has none of these characteristics...
14 Jan 2017, 12:16 pm
Jacoby wrote:
I do take medications, I don't find them very effective. Benzos are really the only thing that ever relieved anxiety but you're not really suppose to take those long term and they certainly don't like upping the dosage so they just keep me out of withdrawal more than anything and I really should ween myself off but I don't have anything other way to cope with things besides avoidance. I take the anti-depressant more to keep weight off(wellbutrin) than anything else at this point. I 'put in the work' and push myself as much as I can, I have limited means and wasn't that fortunate to have a lot of support growing up. It takes a toll on you, I am not getting happier by doing it, I become more frustrated and depressed thinking that this is the way it's always going to be for decades and that I just have to accept it. There isn't anything you can say to that I guess, I know I carry a lot of bitterness around but it's mostly directed at my upbringing and where I grew up than other people. I don't know if that chip on my shoulder will ever go away, it's fundamentally affected my worldview.
See I live in England so I cannot help you to do with how to deal with the american system but you should be able to get more support than you have at the moment, even here they are very reluctant to even give someone a diagnosis because of how much support they are going to need after that and it took my mum 6 years I think to get that since she saw it in me early at 5 and got it confirmed at 11. You need to get that increase in dosage or if the tablet is wrong since it is pretty much hit and miss, ask for another tablet you have to state it and pretty much demand it for them to do anything.
Tell us what type of support are you getting at the moment, do you have family? A therapist?
14 Jan 2017, 12:21 pm
DeanFry wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
SHOULD. Never 'should' on anyone.
Seriously, yes, there are people on this planet that are less. Yes there are people who are ostracized. And yes, there are people who are alone due to circumstances of their birth. Is it right? No. But the fact remains. Yes, there are.
I can't tell someone how to NOT be autistic because I'm not autistic myself so I don't entirely understand the difficulties. I can only tell someone who is autistic what they're doing that is causing them to have difficulties. It's up to them to figure out how to change that behavior.
MY SO (who is HFA) used to be pretty bad socially, although he's gotten better. One of his things is he likes to correct grammar. He will listen to someone and nit pick one or two words that the person has said incorrectly. So rather than hearing and responding appropriately to the message he would only listen to the individual words and wait to talk so he could correct them. And this made him very unpopular with people. I pointed this out to him, that no one gives a crap about anyone's grammar, it's rude and to knock it off. He stopped doing that and he's better overall.
My point is that, is it right that there are some people who have less and are looked down upon? No. But surely you understand that life is not fair and that won't change anytime soon. So it's YOUR JOB to figure out how to best get along and change what you can to better fit in. If that means losing weight, stop eating so much. If that means you need to get a better job, get your butt to university or get some trade training. If that means you need tips on how to behave socially, find a class on speech delivery or something. But over and over what we see on these boards is people complaining about how difficult they have it, but make NO EFFORT to try to change to better fit in, because it's easier to make excuses than to do the work.
You have no idea what effort people put in to change or fit in, that's exactly what I am talking about. It's ignorance and also arrogance to think that your 'advice' is so enlightened that it will fix people. Perhaps that's why so many young men on the spectrum have such issues with feminism, you have it on one hand this checklist of XYZ things you need before you are worthy of a relationship apparently but simultaneously get told that it's terrible wrong to commodify relationships and that it's about "connecting" with other people. So what is it? Does that only apply in one direction?
"ugh, find a class on speech delivery", thanks! Why didn't I think of that!
Most of the advice given here amounts to "stop doing that, it annoys me".
I have a good idea since I've lived it and please listen to me on this but they are right, like I said in my previous post just because we fit a checklist for someone it doesn't mean women are suddenly going to go out with us, it doesn't work like that.
It takes a long time to form friendships at our age even longer to form relationships, yeah there are people who can get a one night stand or whatever but they usually don't last long. People have all had bad experiences by the time they get to be adults and lived a little which is why you have to spend a good amount of time around with chatting or hanging out with someone before you can even be considered friends let alone a relationship which is another level of trust and commitment all together.
Right now I still don't have friends or a relationship but the difference is I'm working on it, I'm going out to meet people, making sure I become a regular and working on myself to lose weight, to learn how to deal with often at times extreme emotions I feel when people actually take the time to talk to me and that, it is honestly about putting the time in to learn and it has taken me years for people now to not think I'm autistic, they don't even think I am and I can enjoy conversations because I've improved myself to that point.
Take a step back, listen to people who know especially those who are not on the spectrum that are trying to help us and try to understand other peoples perspectives like I have done in the past and now.
^
Same. I mean I do have friends and a relationship now, but losing weight and becoming better at social interactions is what got me to where I'm at. People would never suspect I'm on the autism spectrum.
_________________
Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor
14 Jan 2017, 12:23 pm
MsV wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
white_as_snow wrote:
but do you not find it unfair that women have so high standards? i cant respect that. you females what a guy with great self-esteem, not virgin, 30 friends and no mental problems. it makes no sense for me. its not like you females are perfect either. so stop with this high standards.
Okay fair enough.
But these are not "high standards." These are BASIC simple human characteristics.
1. A decent sense of self-worth
2. The ability to connect and respond to others (may or may not include sexual experience; this may be tied into religious belief or personal beliefs so it can be a variable)
3. Mentally healthy
In no way, shape or form are any of these ASKING TOO MUCH of anyone in a partner. It's not like any one of these is asking for a gold plated sports car or making more than $100,000 a year lol.
I'm sorry if this is harsh, but if you think asking someone as a partner to have a basic healthy personality is 'asking too much' then consider that the problem is not them, it's you, and something you need to work on. End of story.
Also I wonder if many men would want a woman who has none of these characteristics...
Some abusive ones, I imagine. Easier to control someone who is lacking in all those departments.
_________________
Herein You Will Find Various And Numerous And Innumerable Hexes, Curses, Words In The Old Tongue To Cleave A’Twain Friend, Foe, Family Alike. If You So Choose. Money Hates Me, God Hates Me, My Wife Hates Me, My Own Hands Hate Me. But Thats All Beside The Point. The Point Is That My Time Here On Earth Runs Short. Im Not Dying But You All Are. Im A Glass Of Wine. Nothing Beats A Glass Of Wine. When The Kids Arent Home And Your A Mother Theres A Glass Of Wine There. A Glass Coffee Table And I’m A Glass Of Wine. Stressful Day When The Kids And you're Husband Then Glass Of Wine. Dark Chocolate Indulge. Petty Indulgences. When you're A Glass Of Wine And Let The Body’s Hit The Floor. When Your Glass Of Wine Is Running Short And You Say Heck What Of It. Why Dont I Have Another. Bartender I Am A Glass Of Wine. Bottoms Up And The Devil Laughs. The Bartender Remembers When It Happened. They All Remember When It Happened And If They Knew That You Dont Remember Then They Would Know That Something Is Awry Here Or So They Would Think. Something Would Be Amiss Or Smells Fishy. So Theyre All Relating There Stories Of Where They Were When That Event Happened And The Eyes Move Clockwise About The Room Where We All Share Our Glass Of Wine And Suddenly The Clock Ticks To You And They Ask The Fatal Question That Destroys Your Reputation, The Question You Could Never Answer, The Dead Giveaway: Where Were You When The Bodies Hit The Floor
Jacoby
Veteran
Joined: 10 Dec 2007
Age: 33
Gender: Male
Posts: 14,284
Location: Permanently banned by power tripping mods lol this forum is trash
14 Jan 2017, 12:47 pm
DeanFry wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
I do take medications, I don't find them very effective. Benzos are really the only thing that ever relieved anxiety but you're not really suppose to take those long term and they certainly don't like upping the dosage so they just keep me out of withdrawal more than anything and I really should ween myself off but I don't have anything other way to cope with things besides avoidance. I take the anti-depressant more to keep weight off(wellbutrin) than anything else at this point. I 'put in the work' and push myself as much as I can, I have limited means and wasn't that fortunate to have a lot of support growing up. It takes a toll on you, I am not getting happier by doing it, I become more frustrated and depressed thinking that this is the way it's always going to be for decades and that I just have to accept it. There isn't anything you can say to that I guess, I know I carry a lot of bitterness around but it's mostly directed at my upbringing and where I grew up than other people. I don't know if that chip on my shoulder will ever go away, it's fundamentally affected my worldview.
See I live in England so I cannot help you to do with how to deal with the american system but you should be able to get more support than you have at the moment, even here they are very reluctant to even give someone a diagnosis because of how much support they are going to need after that and it took my mum 6 years I think to get that since she saw it in me early at 5 and got it confirmed at 11. You need to get that increase in dosage or if the tablet is wrong since it is pretty much hit and miss, ask for another tablet you have to state it and pretty much demand it for them to do anything.
Tell us what type of support are you getting at the moment, do you have family? A therapist?
From my diagnosis I've qualified for Voc Rehab and Disability Services at school, VR has been decimated in this state recently thanks to our governor but I got them to pay for 2 semesters of school at least and I've become close with one of the vendors who goes above and beyond her job to help me and I wouldn't be where I am now without her. Disability Services at school does literally nothing, I can get time and a half and private testing I guess but that's of limited use. Therapist and psychiatrist/pill pusher, I like the therapist better but it's more just me relaying my problems whereas the psychiatrist sees me for 5 minutes. As for my family, I am fortunate to be supported by my mom and dad but there is a lot of dysfunction and I have a younger brother who is both disabled and suffering mental illness which has really been playing out recently. They live out in the boonies too, I could not go to school while living in that same house. There is no extended family, no family friends, we are from 1800 miles away and this migration wasn't really completely by choice. I am lucky to have what I have here and had to fight for it basically.
As for the medication, I mostly don't want to just be suddenly cut off which is what I am afraid might happen if I push the issue. They do not like giving these medications out, they would much rather destroy my brain and body with an SSRI or some sort of mood drug which I am too educated to let happen to me. I am always afraid of coming across as having drug seeking behavior, doctors really really dislike it when you refuse a pill because you want another one or if you ask for a higher dosage. Short of a large dose of some benzo which I'd probably quickly become tolerant to I don't think the medications I've been offered really help a ton anyways. I regret not trying the ADHD drug when it was offered by the nurse I saw before this doctor, I would have to stop taking the benzo and I was just too worried about my anxiety. It doesn't even feel mental, like I still physically feel the symptoms of anxiety even disconnected from any thoughts at my worse, I'll wake up like that. I feel like it's ingrained into my personality so I fear that I have limited ability to change.
14 Jan 2017, 2:10 pm
lidsmichelle wrote:
DeanFry wrote:
Jacoby wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
SHOULD. Never 'should' on anyone.
Seriously, yes, there are people on this planet that are less. Yes there are people who are ostracized. And yes, there are people who are alone due to circumstances of their birth. Is it right? No. But the fact remains. Yes, there are.
I can't tell someone how to NOT be autistic because I'm not autistic myself so I don't entirely understand the difficulties. I can only tell someone who is autistic what they're doing that is causing them to have difficulties. It's up to them to figure out how to change that behavior.
MY SO (who is HFA) used to be pretty bad socially, although he's gotten better. One of his things is he likes to correct grammar. He will listen to someone and nit pick one or two words that the person has said incorrectly. So rather than hearing and responding appropriately to the message he would only listen to the individual words and wait to talk so he could correct them. And this made him very unpopular with people. I pointed this out to him, that no one gives a crap about anyone's grammar, it's rude and to knock it off. He stopped doing that and he's better overall.
My point is that, is it right that there are some people who have less and are looked down upon? No. But surely you understand that life is not fair and that won't change anytime soon. So it's YOUR JOB to figure out how to best get along and change what you can to better fit in. If that means losing weight, stop eating so much. If that means you need to get a better job, get your butt to university or get some trade training. If that means you need tips on how to behave socially, find a class on speech delivery or something. But over and over what we see on these boards is people complaining about how difficult they have it, but make NO EFFORT to try to change to better fit in, because it's easier to make excuses than to do the work.
You have no idea what effort people put in to change or fit in, that's exactly what I am talking about. It's ignorance and also arrogance to think that your 'advice' is so enlightened that it will fix people. Perhaps that's why so many young men on the spectrum have such issues with feminism, you have it on one hand this checklist of XYZ things you need before you are worthy of a relationship apparently but simultaneously get told that it's terrible wrong to commodify relationships and that it's about "connecting" with other people. So what is it? Does that only apply in one direction?
"ugh, find a class on speech delivery", thanks! Why didn't I think of that!
Most of the advice given here amounts to "stop doing that, it annoys me".
I have a good idea since I've lived it and please listen to me on this but they are right, like I said in my previous post just because we fit a checklist for someone it doesn't mean women are suddenly going to go out with us, it doesn't work like that.
It takes a long time to form friendships at our age even longer to form relationships, yeah there are people who can get a one night stand or whatever but they usually don't last long. People have all had bad experiences by the time they get to be adults and lived a little which is why you have to spend a good amount of time around with chatting or hanging out with someone before you can even be considered friends let alone a relationship which is another level of trust and commitment all together.
Right now I still don't have friends or a relationship but the difference is I'm working on it, I'm going out to meet people, making sure I become a regular and working on myself to lose weight, to learn how to deal with often at times extreme emotions I feel when people actually take the time to talk to me and that, it is honestly about putting the time in to learn and it has taken me years for people now to not think I'm autistic, they don't even think I am and I can enjoy conversations because I've improved myself to that point.
Take a step back, listen to people who know especially those who are not on the spectrum that are trying to help us and try to understand other peoples perspectives like I have done in the past and now.
^
Same. I mean I do have friends and a relationship now, but losing weight and becoming better at social interactions is what got me to where I'm at. People would never suspect I'm on the autism spectrum.
Idem, minus the relationship (happier single). Took a lot of work though. But it's worth it.
14 Jan 2017, 2:13 pm
lidsmichelle wrote:
MsV wrote:
Luhluhluh wrote:
white_as_snow wrote:
but do you not find it unfair that women have so high standards? i cant respect that. you females what a guy with great self-esteem, not virgin, 30 friends and no mental problems. it makes no sense for me. its not like you females are perfect either. so stop with this high standards.
Okay fair enough.
But these are not "high standards." These are BASIC simple human characteristics.
1. A decent sense of self-worth
2. The ability to connect and respond to others (may or may not include sexual experience; this may be tied into religious belief or personal beliefs so it can be a variable)
3. Mentally healthy
In no way, shape or form are any of these ASKING TOO MUCH of anyone in a partner. It's not like any one of these is asking for a gold plated sports car or making more than $100,000 a year lol.
I'm sorry if this is harsh, but if you think asking someone as a partner to have a basic healthy personality is 'asking too much' then consider that the problem is not them, it's you, and something you need to work on. End of story.
Also I wonder if many men would want a woman who has none of these characteristics...
Some abusive ones, I imagine. Easier to control someone who is lacking in all those departments.
True, however those guys seem awfully drawn to me as well and aside from being naive, insecure about my work at times (perfectionist) and an aspi, I'm doing pretty well ^^. At least in my mind I am
.
14 Jan 2017, 4:37 pm
I personally find it difficult not to be bitter. I'd describe it as feeling hurt because specific people seemed to like me at first, but turned out not to want me. It makes me feel like no one can want me. Like I'm nothing. Not worth loving.
That makes me feel angry, but I'm not sure why. I don't think it's anyone else's fault. I don't think men have standards that are too high. I guess it makes me feel like I am not a very warm person and men are not drawn to me. I think that they don't believe that I can care about them. Maybe I'm angry at myself. Why can't I be different? I don't even know what I would be if I was different?
Maybe I feel like I am good enough underneath the shy exterior that people misunderstand to be aloof and uncaring? Maybe I'm angry that I don't get given a chance to show who I am?
Is that how anyone else feels?
How do you get someone to give you a chance? You can't. And that's where the bitterness comes in. If people want to prejudge you, you can't control that.
All you or I have control over is how we react to it. And the biggest challenge we have is to react in a way that won't make our health or life any worse than it already is.
14 Jan 2017, 5:59 pm
hurtloam wrote:
I personally find it difficult not to be bitter. I'd describe it as feeling hurt because specific people seemed to like me at first, but turned out not to want me. It makes me feel like no one can want me. Like I'm nothing. Not worth loving.
That makes me feel angry, but I'm not sure why. I don't think it's anyone else's fault. I don't think men have standards that are too high. I guess it makes me feel like I am not a very warm person and men are not drawn to me. I think that they don't believe that I can care about them. Maybe I'm angry at myself. Why can't I be different? I don't even know what I would be if I was different?
Maybe I feel like I am good enough underneath the shy exterior that people misunderstand to be aloof and uncaring? Maybe I'm angry that I don't get given a chance to show who I am?
Is that how anyone else feels?
How do you get someone to give you a chance? You can't. And that's where the bitterness comes in. If people want to prejudge you, you can't control that.
All you or I have control over is how we react to it. And the biggest challenge we have is to react in a way that won't make our health or life any worse than it already is.
That makes me feel angry, but I'm not sure why. I don't think it's anyone else's fault. I don't think men have standards that are too high. I guess it makes me feel like I am not a very warm person and men are not drawn to me. I think that they don't believe that I can care about them. Maybe I'm angry at myself. Why can't I be different? I don't even know what I would be if I was different?
Maybe I feel like I am good enough underneath the shy exterior that people misunderstand to be aloof and uncaring? Maybe I'm angry that I don't get given a chance to show who I am?
Is that how anyone else feels?
How do you get someone to give you a chance? You can't. And that's where the bitterness comes in. If people want to prejudge you, you can't control that.
All you or I have control over is how we react to it. And the biggest challenge we have is to react in a way that won't make our health or life any worse than it already is.
I haven't scoured all of your posts. This is based on my personal interactions and what I've seen on threads we both happened to be on. But here's my response.
All I can say is I'm sorry you've been treated unfairly. From what I can tell you're quite eloquent, insightful, caring and thoughtful.
