Slys dating site advice help thread.

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It's getting harder and harder for a man to be successful.

The standards for what makes an 'average' man is higher than it used to be.

Thousands of years ago when humans lived in tribes what did the average man have to do?

Build shelter, canoes, weapons and clothes. Hunt animals, collect food, set traps.

Research by scientists shows our ancestors only 'worked' 15 hours a week - some people in 2017 work that many hours a DAY.

1,000 years ago the average man was a medieval peasant. He would toil all day on the farm.

You had to work hard labor all day, but you didn't need a degree. You didn't need an education at all. The majority of people didn't even know how to read or write or even speak very well back then.

His pay from his landlord was measly but it was enough for him and his family to live off even if sometimes he had to go without dinner here and there and they always ate cheap foods like bread and rice all the time.

50 years ago a college degree was for 'the elite'/upper class.

It was for the rich kids and gave you an advantage in the job market.

Nowadays for most jobs having a college degree is REQUIRED, and getting a degree is MORE expensive than it was 50 years ago.

College degrees were for rich kids 50 years ago and now they are what average, ordinary people NEED to get a job.

Thanks to inflation, everything is more expensive than it used to be and a dollar does not go as far as it use to.

The cost of housing in many places is at an all time high.

The higher functioning aspies here always try to make us feel guilty and as if we are lazy and never trying in life when even N.T.'s are struggling more in today's world than N.T.'s in the past did.

A lot of people I meet my age seem in terrible health and don't even care.

They say they sleep 4 hours a night, spend all day at work or studying, they live on coffee everyday for the caffeine, the obesity rate is rising in America and Australia so everyone is getting fatter and having all the health problems that come with it.

Yeah. Personally I sometimes believe that all women should be made to pay for decades of things being worse off, including specifically for men.

I'm also feeling depressed about this myself sometimes, because it seems to far gone how better off we were that we are not going to ever make it back. It was like a punishment (by God) that I was born into this messed up generation in my ancestor's shadows. You only get to live once. Why can't I go to "heaven" when I die and be able to "grow up" in the good times of America that I missed out on.

No they don't reject you because you complain on a site they never heard of. If I remember correctly someone here told you, you look scared in your photos though. It's been a while since I saw photos of you, but if I remember correctly, I also thought you look unconfident.
Your two reasons you always list for why you get rejected are also true, but the first impression you make on people may actually be that you feel insecure or unconfident.


It's the one advice you think you can actually put into practice, not necessarily the only advice you get a lot. There are men who look a lot worse than you who get girlfriends, yet improving your looks is a good thing.


That's another thing that makes me think you might come across as unconfident or nervous or that your intentions in looking for a relationship are very obvious from the first interaction on, or that they mistake it for a purely sexual interest. Unless you say 'hi' in places where a lot of people are begging for money etc. in which case it'd probably be normal to ignore any stranger and brush them off as quick as possible. Or you juts live in a very rude area.


There was a thread by FishiAu with excellent dating profile advice recently. If he's still around maybe you could ask him for more specific advice for your profile. Obviously he was in a completely different starting position than you, but some of his advice could be applied to pretty much any profile and there's at least a chance that he'd also be able to improve a profile of a person who is very different to himself.

A lot of people here are screwed up themselves, so I really would take them saying you need to lose weight with a grain of salt.

As far as my help, it isn’t my highest priority of late. I have been having a horrible time with family, work and health.

You don’t wany luck on dating sites because you don’t stand out. You’re one of 100s of thousands of normal looking guys. With that many, to make a woman focus on you is next to impossible, unless you stand out. Unfortunately, standing out in such a sausage fest means you have to have some extremely attractive traits to be seen.

I’ve been told I’m ugly, fat, skinny, stupid, weird, ret*d, usless and nothing, gang bullied, beaten, looked down on etc for 32 years. It is not just you. Most people here probably have. It’s no easier for us. I go to a therapist to deal with the trauma, distress and deterioration it’s caused me, because my wellbeing is my responsibility.

If you are talking about saying hi on dating sites, don’t expect a reply. We have talked about this. Noone can be bothered talking to people online they don’t have any interest in, not just stuck up women.

And how exactly should us women be made to "pay" for the hardships of men?

In regards to people being rude:

It’s because no one cares how hard it is to change. Often fat haters are just guys who are offended that looking at overweight people males them un-horny, whereas if you dislike a personality it’s not to do with treating people as sexual objects. I’m not advocating that it’s fair, but it’s why.

In regards to dating:

It’s not worse to reject an overweight person than someone whose personality you don’t like. It’s your right to not date who you don’t like. But the idea behind it is the essence of the person is the same, but you’re rejecting them on something relative: body fat. It’s shallow in the sense that you are not looking at the person within and only considering sexual urges. Personality is not relative. There really isn’t any point looking for attraction, connection and chemistry in soneone who is stuck with an unattractive personality.

Shallow is generally looked down upon.
Girls who are horrible about mens height are the same. They don’t have to be attracted, but it’s still shallow.

Last edited by hale_bopp on 30 Dec 2017, 9:41 am, edited 2 times in total.

Well apparently he believes it's wrong that he's made to pay for the sins of his male ancestors but he thinks it's perfectly ok to make women pay for the sins of their ancestors. I bet he's not even aware of the hypocrisy therein.

Women should be made to pay for men being worse off in the dating game? Serial killer alert. That’s alarming.

Low income men were not oppressed. You can’t be oppressed with dating. That’s absurd, its a human preference that can’t be forced. It’s not an equivalent of real feminism; women getting the vote and having equal rights.

It really sounds more like you’re having a tantrum because girls won’t give you what you want, not human rights.

Some people, eh?

How about learning the art of small talk, or learning to politely interact with everyone and not just the few women you find attractive? In other words, learning to expand your social circle. Nobody expects you to hook up with a 50 year old women. But, she may have a daughter you would want to hook up with.

^ Best advice yet.

Politely socializing with your co-workers may also be an unwritten requirement for getting promoted.

Was this towards me? I do politely talk to everyone well I try most women just ignore me flat out to my face, some few men do too. By large men will respond though and be polite but a lot of women I guess just see me. As so low I’m not even worth 2 seconds of their time to just even say hi back to.

Older people don’t want me booking up with their daughters they also want them to find well off men. Most my simi friends are older people. Mean when women my own age won’t even acknowledge my existence it leaves older women. Like at work all the older women will talk to me but 90% of the women my age ignore me flat out.

My older male friends have daughters but nope. It seems everyone just sees me as undateable too due to my job. Like the few my age who talk to me have single friends but I’m not good enough for them. I’ve had some even tell me I wouldn’t be good enough for their friends or sisters. My sister knows lots of women 18-27 and she won’t set me up either. If you had a daughter would you want her to date a loser or a well off doctor?

There’s no promotions in my future. I can’t work full time. I get small raises every year that’s it. I can’t even get out of my department. I tried transferring to the gun area since I know a lot about guns, but they rejected saying I lack experience, meaning my experience in my department doesn’t transfer even to other departments in the store. So I don’t expect it’ll mean anything for management jobs or other jobs if I lose this one.

It really depresses me. I try to socialize with coworkers but they just ignore all my attempts. And I get to watch them all joke around and chat and make arrangements to hang outside of work. I’m just a loser outcast

Why does your experience not transfer, I mean, I thought you were a sales assistant? How does that not transfer? They might not have had an opening but do they know you're Asperger? Do you think it's might be that they don't want you with the guns? There's a lot of rubbish on the internet about us.

You're depressed because you're depressed. If a woman started dating you this moment, sure you might think some happy thoughts/feel the rush of hormones, but it's extremely likely that you'd still be depressed and would have to work on that. On that note, it'd be better to do it before meeting someone. Clinical depression is unattractive in the dating world. Pretty much no one wants to date someone who's mood is so low it brings them down. Personally, I would never want to date anyone while I was severely depressed because I wouldn't want to subject them to me in that state - it's not fair to them.

Maybe 3-4 years ago you were less depressed than now, but you were still posting very similar depressive posts. The tone of your posts has not changed in the last few years, so that explains why women wouldn't date you then, either, and proves there is no hole in my theory at all. I'm not trying to be an as*hole here, I'm just pointing out the simple fact that the tone of your posts has been clinically-to-severely depressed for as long as I've been on WP & your depressed state of mind is a major constraint to you dating. There are many things you could do to lessen your depression from therapy to reading books on the topic to exercise to meditation to dietary changes or even pharmaceuticals. Only you (and maybe your doctor) can decide which path is right for you to try.

Again, it is a falsity that one requires a gf/partner to not be depressed. There are countless single people who are not depressed. I'm one of them. Also, not being depressed - or even better, being happy - is attractive to others & will help you attract a girl. This has become almost a chicken-egg argument, but I believe I am 100% correct in saying that getting out from under your depression & being a little happier is step one, attracting a gf is step two. It just doesn't & won't work the other way around. Not just for you, for anyone. And that's not just My opinion, it's just a simple fact. I've seen it many times over. Others have experienced it and shared their stories irl and online here. I'd WAY rather an 11+ page thread all about sly's determination to think & feel better, all the things he's tried & trying, requests for recommendations, reports of progress & setbacks etc vs. more of the same frustrations and problems with no news about actions being taken to change your situation for the better.

But you can fix the things that make you less attractive if you work on them instead of vent about them. It may take time, but Rome wasn't built in a day.. even if it takes a few years as I pointed out earlier, so what? Over the last few years of venting you haven't changed much, possibly have gotten worse if you view yourself as depressed now but didn't recognize your own depression a few years ago. Meanwhile, if you start working on yourself in a positive direction, bit by bit a few short years from now you could be a much clearer thinking, happier feeling, sly & have better luck attracting dates. Or just vent and do nothing that will benefit you and you'll get more of the same results - which is silly if you truly want better results for yourself.

As for middle class and all that, sure women want a guy with money, but many would also settle for a happy guy with little money. Who's to say you won't earn more money in the future? 6 years ago I was incapable of working & earned Zero, then a meager $150/mo. I was still depressed then and felt that was my lot in life, but at the same time I was like f**k this I am NOT accepting this as my reality for the rest of my days and was determined to get better. IMO people make/have money because they're happy, and they're happy because they're healthy (not depressed) so the root of all these monetary and social riches is health. Health is wealth. Get healthier, feel better, earn more money. Maybe you'll never earn a lot more money, but so what? A happy guy who earns only a little money is a lot more attractive than a suicidally depressed guy that earns only a little money. Truth.

There's millions on SSI.. and I highly doubt that they are all single. SSI does not mean one cannot ever have a relationship. There's examples on these very forums.

I bet you'll find that women will talk to you more when you're not depressed regardless of whether your income is higher or not. Best way to find out is to battle your depression & become a better feeling sly and see what opportunities present themselves. Chances are you'll feel up to earning more money, too, with a higher sense of self worth.

I can't make you feel anything. Only your thoughts & reactions to my posts/anything can make you feel anything. I haven't posted anything mean. If that's how you're perceiving my posts its your bias towards me or simply just your depression. I'm not trolling. Trust me, I have a lot better things to do than troll your posts. I could just scroll by, but I recognize that you need more help and support than most & so I try to post a little honest feedback that may help you if you decide to let it vs. ignore it. I'm an Aspie, too. I'm certainly not trolling you for being an Aspie. I'm not trolling you at all.

Sure, many people born into poverty stay there, and others in middle class stay there, and others born into rich families become wealthy themselves. But that doesn't mean that no one ever earns their way up. MANY people do. If anything, thanks to the internet being such an equalizer, there are many more ways for poor people to work their way up than ever before. Or even by good old fashioned hard work & saving/investing wisely. People are not made to stay in their same income bracket forever, especially not here in North America. This isn't India. We don't have a blatantly oppressive Caste System that keeps toilet cleaners toilet cleaners by last name & birth. Sure, there's discrimination against Blacks, immigrants etc that makes it harder for some people - but it's not damned near impossible like it is in other parts of the world. We have more opportunity here in North America to earn our way up in income than most of the rest of the world does. Some of us do it bit by bit earning a bit higher wages here and there until we're at a middle class income and just save away, others like my friend Mark build businesses - he's deaf, btw, disabled - and a couple years ago he bought a building & just recently he hired his 10th full time employee. He's not there yet, but he's on his way to being a Millionaire & then multi-Millionaire a few short years later. Half our lives ago he thought he might be stuck in a career sweeping floors because he's deaf. I told him he could do anything he wanted. He got an education in programming and realized he could conduct business online just fine despite his disability. He's just one example of many.

If you truly believe it's your looks and job status holding you back from getting replies from women, what have you done about either the last few years instead of messaging women over and over expecting different results?

Looks: Maybe your photos are bad. I'm not really an "ugly," guy but I don't particularly think I'm hot stuff either. (some people are attracted to me, others aren't, that's life.) But I do know that my pics/selfies, the few of them I take, are pretty s**t and if I really wanted to have a proper dating profile the first thing I'd learn to do is take better pics of myself. There are many tutorials online. Besides better pics, diet, exercise, haircut/grooming, fashion sense/style (even on a very low budget!) - people who want to attract a partner go through extraordinary efforts to look better. Simple fact of life. You could make exercise and a healthy diet a part of your daily life so that bit by bit you're fitter and stronger and better looking. Also, from experience, the fitter you get the better you think & feel, too. It's a win-win. Also, rather than complain that girls just like fitter guys etc it's actually easier to just get fitter yourself. Bit by bit, day by day, a year from now, two, three years on and you'll be much fitter & thus more attractive. A better use of time than complaining about things that no one in the history of human attraction has been able to change. It doesn't even take a lot of time, either. I work a physical job, but I literally only workout for less than 3 minutes a day (although when I'm running that's more like an hour run, but I've only gone twice in the last year) and over the last few years I've gotten very fit for it. Like defined abs fit. Not quite six pack, but if a six pack were my goal I could shed the last few pounds and have one for Summer 100% for sure. I've done more than 200,000 pushups the last few years, and now adding in more squats. It takes a long time to get out of shape, and a long time to get into shape - just gotta decide to make the switch to healthy habits that build you up instead of tear you down.

Job status: If you're not proud of your job title or role right now, don't put it on your profile. Don't disclose it. Come up with little white lies or ways to deflect away from it. "I'm just working a temporary contract right now until a position opens up at a local auto shop where I can continue my apprenticeship." Whatever, something like that. You could also do everything within your power to build yourself up to where you Can get a different job, something you feel better about doing. All of it comes hand in hand with overcoming your depression and feeling better about everything in general. You won't likely be able to magically just get a better job while still feeling awful. I've found that you can't just focus on fixing one thing in your life you don't like. It's more that you have to tackle everything at once - with your focus being on improving your own health, then all of these other things like jobs/money/attractiveness just sort of start to fall into place with minimal effort compared to Trying so hard on each of them and getting nowhere because you are not ready yet.