Women, what attracts you to a man?

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I get where Sly is coming from , he says due to his abilities he cannot do what others do. Fnord calls BS

This much is true -- nobody needs to change themselves into an NT, even if it was possible.Wrong. All my advice is about taking responsibility for one's self, and not blaming others for the failure to do so.What are your alternatives -- do you propose that men should instead hide in their parents' basements, cover themselves in filth, become fat, grunt and scream a lot, and submit a seemingly endless stream "I'm here, date me" posts to every social website they can access?

In other words, are you proposing that autistic men should expect to get girlfriends by doing the very things that make them unattractive and unpopular in the first place?

The only way to attract someone is to be attractive to them. Being a disgusting basement troll and claiming that the world has failed you is no way to attract anyone.

Essentially true.

HOWEVER, if Sly is bedridden or permanently confined to a wheelchair, then I will have to walk back my comments and simply say, "I'm sorry". Some people have disabilities that make them truly disabled, and if that's Sly's case, then I've been insensitive toward him.

That is not to say that everyone who has a disability is disabled -- some of us have devised work-arounds for some of the least insidious aspects of ASDs. We can "get by" and sometimes even "pass" for non-ASD people (for short periods of time.

So, Sly, if you could explain what it is that makes it impossible for you to even try some of the advice that's been posted here, it would help the rest of us understand your situation better.

Agreed.I have some idea, and if someone says that they are non-verbal, phobic, or some other aspect of a lesser-functioning person with autism, then the advice that's been given will probably not work.Say WHAT?! "Love guru"? No, I only over advice that seems to work for most people most of the time. I don't arrange hook-ups or blind dates any more.That's better, thank you!Of course.Not quite, but the alternatives that have been offered (spamming dating sites, telepathy, stalking women who 'ghost' them, et cetera) just don't work.When those others are saying things like "You're pathetic", "You'll never get a girlfriend", "You're worthless", and so forth, THOSE are the things I tell people to ignore. Few things can ruin a person's self-confidence more than constantly being told that they have no value, and especially when they're being said by siblings and parents.... and again and again and again and again ...

I get where you are coming from Fnord and you definitely seem like you want to help but your posting style winds some people up and puts them on the defensive. Is that your fault or the listener - I don't know , but it might be worth considering your posting style if you indeed want to help as many people as you can. There are some people who cannot be helped with your one size fits all advice , I don't have the answers , this is just an observation.

That has been suggested before -- "Be more diplomatic".

I'm sure you can look up the dictionary definition of "Diplomacy" as well as anyone else.

HOWEVER, the true purpose of "Diplomacy" is to prolong a crisis long enough for it to either resolve itself or for the people involved in the crisis to simply stop complaining.

Sure, I can be as diplomatic and conciliatory as anyone ... but this website doesn't need another KraftieKortie.

Hey guys! The picnic went really well, we had a good time and the weather held out which was good. I managed to socialise without feeling or making it sound awkward. All in all a pretty good day. Looking forward to doing something like it again... .

take that back you monster , this website needs more people like KK.

Yeah I expected an answer like that, I know you think your style works. I was just offering advice to create a little less animosity. As long as you feel content butting heads , carry on , we won't see eye to eye but we don't have too.

I'm completely in agreement that blaming others for your failures is no good, but I don't know what "responsibility for one's self" might be.



I think I've been very clear about my views. The first thing NDs need to think about is WHO they want to attract (ND vs NT). Before any advice can be given, there is a need to know what target group the advice is aimed at.

Pics, or it didn't happen.

Just joking!

Congratulations!

Bit of advice: Add variety to your dates. If every date is another picnic in the park, then it might get boring. Try to think of something new and different each time.

Hey thanks! .

Today was more of a day out for Hannah, that's Charlene's daughter. My last date with Charlene was eating out, but I'm thinking about taking her to the cinema on Monday? . I want to watch the new Jack Black movie with her as we're both big fans of his! .

I think the problem is more that people tend to follow advice more/less blindly and superficially and never truly buy into it. It’s easier to understand if you internalize the theory behind why advice works. I have reservations about PUA, but I can’t dispute that it works. PUA’s that get relationships (as opposed to ONS), understand the theory and practice of relevant psychology.

Bea, Fnord, and myself offer advice that is fundamentally the same thing from three different angles. My particular view is theologically/spiritually oriented—basically, EVERY human being is flawed, broken, and vulnerable, and the evil of humanity permeates every decision we make. Best example: Why do Christians get saved? Not because they love God. Because they don’t want to go to Hell. We are trapped in a tug of war between our own selfish nature and a God who desires our authentic love and adoration. Our relationship to heaven hinges on reconciliation of God with man despite that selfish nature. And therefore all human relationships, as a reflection of that internal spiritual war, hinge on the same reconciliaton of man with man, a tug of war between our own selfish desires individually and the selfish desires of others.

I understand that not everyone shares my beliefs, but the struggles of human nature are real and just as evident to unbelievers. My advice is always to be the first to recognize that you are not the only person who values things and people and meet the values of other people that YOU value where they are. Doing so makes you attractive, and because you meet people on their level supplying their needs, people will value you just as much and seek you out the same way they seek out shelter, food, and water.

Bea and Fnord have different ways of looking at this and give advice that would work probably just as well. There’s not a single answer that works best for everyone. Where our advice falls apart is in application. The three of us have several years, maybe even decades, of experience. In our eyes, it seems easy. It IS easy.

We buy into our own advice easily because we’ve seen the results firsthand.

Which is the problem for those we offer advice to. The problem is that by only looking at advice and applying it superficially with the wrong expectations, it’s easy to become discourages when you don’t see results. Our advice is the culmination of HABITS we’ve developed over time. We don’t do what we do consciously. But for me, I had to start out deliberately with new behaviors. It wasn’t authentic or natural. It was awkward to other people. Now it’s routine.

I still catch myself resisting it at times. For example, two days ago I was talking to my wife when my 6-year old just started rambling about his day. My first thought was “oh great, he’s never gonna shut up.” And then I snapped out of it and listened, because he doesn’t really open up that much like that. So when he paused, I said, “Then what happened?” And just kept it going as long as he was in the mood to talk. It wasn’t that I really cared about what he had to say. It’s that HE is important to me, and I wanted him to know that. Being bored and telling him to hush so I could run my mouth at my wife wouldn’t have communicated what I really feel. And I can’t help
thinking one day I’ll want him to talk to me and he won’t.

It’s not easy forming those good habits. And people will instantly notice what you’re doing and it will be weird. Kept up over time, though, people will come to expect it. When that happens, you’ll start getting results. Slow results, but results.

The problem is too many of us get too frustrated after too few attempts. You effect changes in relationships over time with consistent, habitual behavior. A certain type of person can do this effortlessly: the kind of person who values PEOPLE more for who they are than for what they have to offer.

In other words, having this person in your life is more important than making him or her a bf/gf. You leave the option of being more than friends on the table, and if that person expresses interest in more, you go for it. And when things start to unravel, YOU are the first one to scoop this person in your arms, tell her you love her, that you see how unhappy she is, and it’s time to begin the next chapter. You give it an appropriate amount of time, and then you call up what’s-her-name and start all over again.

Whether you adopt my style, or follow Fnord or Bea, or some fusion of all of us, the main thing is be patient and consistent, and keep expectations reasonable.

Making decisions for yourself, and willingness to be accountable for the decisions you make.I think I've been very clear about my views. The first thing NDs need to think about is WHO they want to attract (ND vs NT). Before any advice can be given, there is a need to know what target group the advice is aimed at.[/quote]Perhaps ... but there are some generalities that can be made to cover all target groups. I have never met any woman in any country I've visited who was attracted to men who were overweight, unemployed, ignorant, and boring slobs. As for that list I posted earlier -- the one that included only features mentioned by women on this website -- the more of those features a man displays, the more likely that any women will be attracted to him.

Between the three of us, Angel Rho, Bea Arthur, and myself have over 150 years of experience in dealing with others. We seem to rarely disagree on this subject.

My take is more pragmatic than theirs, and my delivery is that of a "Dutch Uncle".

Sorry to only address this point at the moment but it resonates with me , I'm glad you said you did this as it happens to me and it makes me feel like s**t. I have learnt and am able to listen but I really find myself not caring what people say but i fake it - bad ferret

I'll call you Duncle from now on