Do women simply just dislike Aspie men?

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Hi,

Just been reading the to and fro of the topic and how the replies have been couched in the usual, supportive and encouraging ways,as all these answers have been proffered over the 59 years that I have been observing this dance. As usual I am seeing the good natured, well intended but ultimately nebulous answers always including 'keep practicing'. Additionally, the very lovely and well considered Juliette has very good advice except for one piece not included as they all do, which leads us back to the nebulous aspects of any and every answer to this vexing; and by extension 'horrific' question of how to have the opposite sex find you attractive enough to want to take you from exchange of average to exchange of intimate. I think for me and the many I have known, who still suffer this appalling shortage of intimate interest and for those who could stand it no longer which was the very reason that they took their lives is: How does one practice for success, particularly when one is totally alone and with no tangible tools/persons/instructors etc. and have it come out from that practice, in a manner that is acceptable enough to get one across the line? As one who has done all of the changes and all of the alone practicing that can be achieved in a focussed and exclusive pastime along the lines of what is suggested by the successful other: how can one possibly achieve what is being directed in isolated remote control. I have found this is akin to asking someone to pilot a fully laden airliner through a full take off, flight and finally a successful landing after one or two terse instructions, a quick sketch of a cockpit layout and no time even in a simulator. I personally have done everything instructed or suggested over the decades and as yet none have worked, even though all attempts have been made to change and improve via these instructions and the more I rationalise it and break down what statistically or habitually has gone wrong over the years, the one answer keeps popping up...no face to face instruction and no available schooling for the minute by minute minushia that is hyper critical for smoothing out an interaction, that will then allow it to be an intriguing and thus intimate interaction and not a robotic and off putting narrative. I and the others have found, that all those making these suggestions seem to have overlooked, is that they most likely have had the luxury of honing these intimate and critical verbal and social skills they are suggesting we are missing, due to many un noticed and unconsidered actual events wherein they have had instructive interaction/intervention which has been long enough, involved enough and intimate enough to have particular their skill set made acceptable. One then has to ask how would they have "realistically" faired, given an almost complete lack of 'practice' time..without all the little unconsidered interactions where the miniscule cues and answers were deposited for an eventual fulsome use and where a natural 'feel' for what is occuring can be set in place, in a perpetual environment of a long long line of empty and utilitarian conversation which is all that is allowed; just dedicated to information exchange which is all you are ever afforded? Like the hapless and inexperienced pilot; they would also crash and burn. You can wait your whole life and practice your whole life and tidy and clean and refine your whole life, but in an empty cockpit or in our case room, without an experienced and competent instructor to take you through what has to be learned and to check and offer balance against previous mistakes or hiccups: you are going to crash and burn every single time. The major issue is you need an actual person/persons, male or female, to allow you access to that practice in the first place and people never allow anything past the first 20 seconds because they have a very very short fuse on their own interactive expectations and an utterly intolerant mean. Unless you can tell this guy how he can get lengthy interaction at a tolerant level where his stick and rudder action is corrected BEFORE he hits the deck, then you may be doing what all the other helpers have done for myself and the others like us: spinning us out and giving us no real 'applyable' information before we break up in mid air or run out of emotional fuel or crash by dint of natural causes. In engineering if you are going to give usable and thus valuable information, then it must be able to be applied in such a way that it may also be applied elsewhere to a penultimate, immediate and tangible fashion and that it will allow for demonstration and use, demonstrating and then allowing for physical application...otherwise it is only speculation and solves no physical issues.

Just because the common denominator is the person struggling doesn't mean he/she is doing something wrong, he/she may simply be unlucky, born uncharming/unattractive.

I so believe that genetics determine one's future.

After all, like some other poster said: we are animals.

If you've ever heard the saying "you have to have credit to get credit", the same applies here. Women didn't seem to find me attractive until I finally was married, and then they all seemed interested. Women would even approach me when I was first on a date with her. After my wife passed away, I'm now back where I started with no interest.

Conclusion: You have to have proof of dateability, and unfortunately you have to bring it with you.

I've only met one guy with autism. I didn't like him..not because of his autism. He was really cool but I preferred him as my friend.