Aspie females Getting into Relationships

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I do not agree with you.

I have not seen any difference between the aspie men and aspie women that Ive met as far as interactional style is concerned.

I have not found that aspie men or women are any more successful in relationships than each other. I find it is a false division and secterian to have this petty squable over who has a worse time. I think it highlights a poor attitude to women and perhaps explains some peoples troubles with relationships better than the fact that they are men with AS.

I could not picture myself making a thread berating aspie men for having an easier time dating than myself. I think it such a petty and small minded thing to focus on.

I think we are all human and should have more kindness, love and caring to our potential 'dating quarry' and less resentment and bitterness.

You're very welcome to disagree.

As far as 'style' goes it's nothing I make any claims for, just understanding not expression.
Nor success, AS-NT relations are in general just a disaster, with a fair amount of happy exceptions ofcourse.

I'm not sure where we're going with this but to sum it up I think all I'm saying is that girls *understand* social functions better than men in general and that men suck at being subtle when they flirt so girls notice it more.

Beyond that, hippies rule.

QFF : Quoted for Falsification.

Again and again , and I am feeling like a ret*d by repeating this to you over and over and yet you can't really get it because you seem to live on a different planet , aspie males' issues are different than aspie females issue , males have more trouble in initiating a relationship (and also in maintaining a relationship) while females usually have harder time than males in maintaining a relationship

It's not something that I am inventing just because I am a male. I am not saying because I want to send a message to the world "Oh people, we aspie males have it harder in having relationship, please cry us river world!! ! WAAAAAHHHH WAAAHHH!:cry: " --> it's not like that at all.

I am not seeking pity or empathy from anyone nor I am playing the males' advocates here, they can all whine forever and die alone for all I care.



What I am saying that this phenomena is a fact, a phenomena that many users have greatly noticed , and not just the males here who noticed it.

princesseli is a female user, yet she noticed that phenomena.

anna_banana is a female user, yet she made a thread wondering why and how MOST female aspies marry that young.

and so few other females wondering the same as princesseli

So what do you think about that? They're imagining it too? it's just in my and their heads?


now why most females here deny this? well, I don't why , maybe because they perceive this as sexist or chauvinistic or whatever...







The fact that the male has to use methods of subterfuge and deception to appear a better-than-actual mate is what make it harder on aspie males to compete other males.

Read this one :

More men than women have failed to reproduce in each generation.

Men and women differed in their participation in reproduction, the researchers report. More men than women get squeezed out of the mating game. As a result, twice as many women as men passed their genes to the next generation.


....
http://www.futurepundit.com/archives/002360.html



and here genetic proves:

http://www.eurekalert.org/pub_releases/ ... 091604.php



maku and lotusblossom , you obviously live in a ideal romantic world where every individual has the same change of others in mating : the non-attractive has the same chance of attractive in mating , women have exactly 100% the same difficulties as men (does that also include domestic violence?) , where Asian American men have the same chance as white American men and asian women and where Black American women have the same chance in dating as Black men where fat girls have the same chance as the thin girls and where fat girls have the same chance as fat guys and where poor guys have the same chance as poor girls ..... ETC ETC (your list of idealism doesn't seem to end at all) AND where aspie males have the same exact problems as aspie females in dating.


It's a really nice such a romantic world where everyone has an equal chance in mating , but when you read the stats and when you read our evolutionary history and when you read and listen to people's opinions , you realize that this ideal world does not exist at all.

Last edited by LePetitPrince on 02 Jun 2009, 2:40 pm, edited 1 time in total.

LPP Ive already admited that Im an idealist and Ive never claimed to live in the real world.

however seeing as you are someone who actually turned down my romantic attentions I think you especially silly in claiming to have a harder time dating than AS women.

I think that you go on about how hard dating is as an excuse to yourself as to why your alone, when really its because you do not want a relationship.

Opportunity is there; expectations are the death of many a possibility.


M.

[/quote]

Hear me well: I do not want a relationship now and I certainly don't want an illusion such as e-romantic attention from a lady who lives in another continent and barely knows me.

Debating this matter has absolutely nothing to do with what I want or with what I don't want.

And I think you are especially silly in claiming that you live in an idealist world.

why am I silly in claiming to live in an idealist world?

meh, no worries about not wanting a relationship with me (or anyone) I was just making a point

I managed to catch a gorgeous aspie man who knew better than to fight me off

I am one of those who had no trouble getting into relationships; they would just seem to happen by accident. This was especially so in my twenties when I was more naive and encountered more people. Strangers would often approach me.

The trouble I had was discriminating who would be a good match. I had little concept of such things. I also had great difficulty managing and understanding relationships, and would get taken advantage of.

Also, there are many other variables involved.

1. The extent to which one (male or female) has AS.

2. Whether they're looking for someone they can connect with, or just merely willing to go with the first person who shows them any sort of attention.

3. Geographical location and the circumstances that go with it (i.e. if you're an artsy, urbane person, and you live in, say, North Dakota, you will have issues unless you move or are willing to do a long-distance relationship).

4. Many Aspies, especially female ones, are more vulnerable then their NT counterparts to being taken advantage of once in a relationship.

5. In the case of AS-AS relationships, the possibility of one or both of the people being asexual.

6. People having issues with boundaries or sensory issues.

I agree that I find it easier than my male counterparts to find a relationship. I find this can be because some nt men are superficial and not very good at looking inside. However that doesn't mean its any easier to find a decent partner nomatter what gender. I found my partner completely by accident at a party that both of us considered not attending. I insulted him for the entire night and we left it at that for a month then got back in contact. We were friends for a few years then gave it a go.

He knows I have aspergers and if anyone has any misconceptions of finding someone who will be wonderful and able to deal with all of their problems they are living in fairy land in my opinion. In any relationship its a learning curve but with an NT and an aspie it can be even harder. For example when physical contact is not wanted the partner can feel rejected or when one is upset finding how best to deal with it can be hard for both. I was lucky in a way because my partner had grown up with a friend who had the same as me (aspergers and AD/HD) but the friend was male. (he also has a colleague at work with AS)

He has had to learn to deal with a female aspie and he actually finds that I am more of a challenge to get on with then the male aspies he's known because I'm more emotional and when somethings really upset me my emotions can come out in spurts rather than normal emotions. E.g. a few days ago I felt overwhelmed and was crying a lot and he tried to make me laugh but my emotions got a bit mixed and I ended up laughing then crying then laughing then crying, etc in bursts. We have been together for 3 years on June 30th and now live together.

Although on personal space my cat beats anyone for lack of it, if you sit down he has a tendancy to climb up your chest so he's right in your face and sometimes tries to eat your hair ^^

Sorry tangent but anyway I think Im happy with my NT guy but I think people need to put a realistic take on relationships and the fact that just because your with someone with AS too doesnt mean they will understand you or its going to be all good all of the time. (sorry for stating obvious)

I just ignore the whole "female Aspies have it easier" argument because the posts are usually made by male Aspies who are disgruntled because they can't find anyone to date.

Females do have it easier for the most part though.

Who cares about dating or finding love. Let's get to the basics here...

Females have it easier getting SEXUAL RELATIONSHIPS.

This is the only things humans need, we don't need anything else. We desire sex, and obviously a guy will not decline is a female says "can I have sex with you".

It's total BS. Cultural conditioning has f****d up everyone's mind.

female aspies don't choose... they get chosen...

that's what my aspie girlfriend told me always happend to her... i'm the first man she chose herself...



if this is "normal", it explains why there's a difference.

This is applicable to me. I didn't have the social skills to choose. I have no idea whether this has changed in my 30s; I rarely meet people.

Food.
Water.
Oxygen.
These things are no longer essential for survival?

There's something interesting I found in a book I was reading on AS and HFA:

It's actually far rarer for females with AS to form relations than men with such (this is talking about the highest functioning manifestations of the disorder, of course. Considering how rare it is for men, the statistical chance is probably quite low for females; below 2% or so is probably a fair number).

Take that for what it's worth (it's actually worth quite a bit); "normal" men seem to be just as "picky" over appropriate social and emotional behaviour as their female counterparts.

This is of course if females with AS have the same desire as males, but I don't see why they wouldn't be any different in that respect.