Why I don't think I'm cut out for a relationship.

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I am a bit nervous about the advice you just gave, some of us aspies take things very literally and maybe this advice about the good measure is not a good idea

Apologies are always welcome though

Thank you for your support. Also thanks for judging me without walking a mile in my shoes. I'm trying to make a real effort here and its people like you that make me want to go back into my shell never to try again. I hope you experence a million times more pain in relationships then I have and you will never be happy.

I know part of the reason i think this way is my last couple people I wanted to be in a relationship with, they sent me some mixed signals. Also one was just using me. I am trying to work through it. I did send her an email saying I was looking forward to talking with her online but I did not see her log on. I hoped everything was ok. I have not heard back yet. But I think she works late tonight so may be another day or so.

Someone else said maybe different time zones. Thats not it we are in the same state.

I have no respect for jerks like you. Your behavior is despicable and disgusting. Grow up. My god even aspie don't act this immaturely or this meanly.

I am glad you were nice to her about not showing up online and trying to change your attitude.

If you read my first post when I started this thread you would have seen I was trying to change my attitude when I said I have no idea how to get out of the way I'm thinking. I'm aware of my issues and trying to work on them. But you choose to attack me anyway.

Simple:


Always consider something came up and it kept that person from doing what they said they are going to do or they just maybe forgot. Sure if the same person did it to you all the time always standing you up for dates, then I would just leave that person and not bother with them but not get all worked up about it.

I have had the same issue in the past. Friends would tell me they'd call me and then they don't, and I get obsessive and hurt. I think it is related to self-esteem issues.

I don't think that assuming that something came up is necessarily the right way to go about it. That's fighting against your emotions. Rather, I think it might be easier to go with them and let them take you down a logical path towards sanity.

Something I've noticed is that people tend to make an assumption, and then assume that it is correct. I used to do that all the time, but now I have a different way of operating. I assume pretty much every possibility out there, and that's what you need to start doing, at least partially.

OK, she didn't show up for when she was supposed to. One possibility is that she lied to you, sure, but... wait. She was making dinner (maybe she was planning on eating while she talked to you), and she spilled oil on the burner. OH NOES! Luckily, she managed to put the fire out, but the stress caused her to completely forget everything that she had planned that day. Or maybe there was a lightning storm. Her power went out! Now the chance that she lied to you was 1 in 3 (since we have no way of determining the probability of each incident, we must assume equal probability to each).

I generally try to steer myself away from the death and serious injury area, but it's not always effective.

I'm not saying be exactly like that, but allowing your mind to travel along some of the possible stories involved in not showing up may not be entirely unhealthy at this point. Afterwards, you can work on fixing that problem, but for now, this would be a quick way to help your self-esteem and would provide a halfway point, of sorts, for you to have a healthy way of dealing with these sorts of things.

If she gave you her MSN ID and an approx time then she wants to talk to you. Unexpected things happen or it could have indeed been a time zone issue. 20 mins is not long to wait. I have waited hours for my Aspie friend to show up. Does that mean he lied to me? No, it means he got distracted or something interesting came up. You guys can't have it both ways. I'm now waiting for 13 days for him to show up and I don't even get an email explaining why I haven't seen him. I am hurt and depressed.

Just keep logged into MSN when you are on the computer and she will show up eventually. She might even think your avoiding her now.

Last edited by Butterflair on 17 Jun 2009, 8:03 pm, edited 1 time in total.

I am a female and I don't agree with this quote. I am guessing a hint of sarcasim Picking up sarcasim is one of my downfalls. Anyways- I think a person should be truethful and up front about things. If she forgot then she should communitcate that to him. (Everyone makes mistakes, don't lie about it) If she contacts him a few days later like nothing ever happended I don't think that's right.

It seems for some people who have commented, this sort of behavior doesn't bother them and I think that is fine. But if this behavior bothers the original poster (which it seems it does) this person is probably not for you.

I do believe there is someone for everyone. It just might take a little while to find that someone

You barely even know her and she did say "about" 0830 or whenever it was, so it's no big deal that she didn't get online.

You are missing the point. I know something probibly came up. But I have been used and mislead and lied to by people in the past.

My point of this thread is that i'm not blaming her. I'm saying because those other people have hurt me and mislead me so much, I automacally think she is doing it on purpose and that is not a good way to think. But I don't know to get out of thinking like that.

Okay I have gotten a warning from a moderator here and I don't know if I shall post my PM here or not I sent to my replier in this thread to my post to explain my position. I'm sorry for upsetting anyone with my post.

Ken, if you are truely wanting to listen and change this time, I wish you the best. I didn't know you were willing to listen this time to the advice people were going to give you and were giving you. I'm sorry.


I am not asking anyone to excuse my behavior.

Don't post the PM you got from a mod. that is between you and them.

No, it was my reply to Saguaro when she replied to my post here in this thread. It's my PM, I wrote it, I sent it, I can do what I want with it but if I am talking about a member in my PM (I talked about you about your behavior from the past I have seen here), I am not sure if I shall post it here or not. You're lucky I kept it private because I felt it should be through PM, not here, to avoid a debate.

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I am going to assume that this was an actual woman, and not some loser trying to troll you, or a bot trying to sell you something.

Let me tell you something. A lot of women on dating sites, aren't there to actually meet anyone. For a lot of women, its a game and a way to boost ego. On almost all dating sites, men outnumber the women, and women know this. This makes women that are on the lower end of the scale in a real life setting, higher up in desirability on the internet. These women reject men for sport to make themselves feel better. That, and they can act whatever way they want without any repercussions. Do not take it personally, in fact you have to take what happens on those dating sites with a grain of salt.

About the bots, you have to be careful. There are scammers who make profiles like that, to get you to give them your IM addies. Once you send them a message or add them on your list, they can send you spam for whatever crap they are trying to sell.

Oh OK I thought it you meant the PM between you and the mod..