Treating women as objects: What does this mean?

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Okay, you've asked a subjective question that is very generalized, because in order to answer properly, we have to know more about an individual. But... let me see if I can offer something new here.

How an individual is first 'attracted' to another, and their subsequent treatment of them afterward, is all very personal.

Being attracted to someone's body is not necessarily seeing them as an 'object', unless that is ALL YOU SEE. AND that is ALL YOU WANT.

Example: for myself... I may be initially attracted to a man by something exterior I see, such as he's tall or handsome. Maybe I was attracted to his butt or maybe we just had a nice conversation and I felt a 'spark'. It has to be MORE than just the outwardly appearance for me. It's all about this 'feeling' that spawns inside of me, along with my brain knowing what may be a deal breaker (like he spends weekends camping and I detest camping = not the guy for me). Either the attraction is there or it's not, and it is NEVER based on looks alone. The end result I am hoping for is a long-lasting, "grow-old together, then die together" kind of relationship with that person.

My relationship with others is based on INTIMACY. Now, DO NOT CONFUSE INTIMACY WITH SEX. Sex can be a big part of intimacy but yet it's still only a smart part of the whole of intimacy. You can have people in your life that are only friends, male or female, that you SHARE so much with, that your intimacy level with that person is very high. My fiance and I, as well as all my girlfriends, SHARE so much of ourselves with one another that our intimacy level is very high. We know intimate details of each other lives and personalities, and share new ones continuously keeping our relationships strong. That is why I've maintained long-lasting friendships. My oldest girlfriend BFF and I met over 20 years ago. SHARING thoughts, feelings, ideas, hobbies, etc. is how people continue to GROW together over their many years together, instead of growing apart.

Most women, and some men I know, want and need intimacy in their relationships, and that includes TALKING AND LISTENING (which some do men hate by the way.) If a woman is saying that you treat her like an object, maybe it's because YOU DO NOT SHARE your thoughts or feelings with her. Maybe it's because you do not act interested in her own thoughts or feelings, or act indifferent to her family, job, friends, etc. Or maybe it's because you act really "into her" when you're having sex and then act indifferent to her the rest of the time. THAT, in a nutshell, is an easy description of using or treating someone as an object. The truth is that if you are unable to CONNECT with a woman on an intimate level, then a relationship may not be the best thing for you.

Keep in mind, that as an aspie, intimacy was very difficult for me to grasp. But, I WORKED HARD to achieve it. I had to change myself. I had to open myself up and SHARE with others. I found that they shared with me too, WITHOUT JUDGING ME. Then, I finally got what I wanted... CONNECTION - INTIMACY WITH OTHERS. It took a long time, but I am now "connected" to people in ways that I never felt I could.

Questions one might ask themselves are:

Do I WANT to get married, have kids, grow old together with a partner?

Do I WANT to have a best friend, great sex, sharing of intimacy?

Do I WANT someone who maintains my household - washes my dishes, washes my underwear, mows the yard?

Do I WANT ALL of those things?

Do I WANT NONE of those things?

If you want all of those things, then a long-lasting intimate relationship is what you desire.

If you want none of those things, then maybe celibacy, one-night stands or swinging is what you really want.

Thank you so much for your in-depth response, Lisadie, and welcome to the forum.

Thanks and hope I helped

As far as I can tell, objectifying women can be done by word or action. Objectifying women by word is basically saying something about women as a whole. Making a generalization about women which could be interpreted as treating all of womanhood as an object. For example: there is a song by Dr. Dre with the line "b*****s ain't s**t but hoes and tricks." Not many would argue that isn't a line that objectifies women assuming you imply that he is not talking about dogs.

Objectifying women by action as far as I can tell is acting like a woman is a possession. Examples: a man marries a woman as a "trophy wife" because of her looks for the purpose of being seen with her to prove something to others. Or without marriage, Hugh Hefner comes to mind. Basically parading a woman around like you're six years old and have a new toy that no one else has so you show it to everyone else to make them jealous, expect the toy is a woman and you aren't six, just acting like it.

I agree with pretty much everything everyone has put on this forum so far. I think that it is OK to think about women in a sexual manner, as long as you also understand that women are people, and to get to know them (and recognize them) as people. If ALL you're doing with a woman is thinking about her sexually and not paying attention to her emotions, wants, needs, personality, etc. then something is wrong with you But if you're paying attention to all of the more personal aspects of a woman that you want to be in a relationship with, then you're fine and you have nothing to worry about.

I've said the line mentioned above about being replaceable with hired help. A maid, a cook, a gardener, a nanny... It isn't my personhood so much as my individuality, the part that makes me me, that I feel at those times is being ignored and unappreciated. I feel like any other person who would clean or cook or correct would be just fine with him. It is a very discouraging feeling.

I would add to the above that being objectified to me is showing no empathy or concern for the other. Showing a lack of knowledge or concern for the wants or desires or needs of the other over the wants, desires, or needs of the self.

Most women want and/or need emotional closeness. They get it in different ways. Some like gifts, some like pillow talk, some like being flattered. Whatever their wants or needs are, if the person doesn't take the time to learn them or to meet those wants or needs then the person is seen as selfish, egotistical, cold, and as objectifying the woman for his own gratification. I know women who treat men this way, too, but that's not what we're talking about so I'll stick with men. Most women who are feeling objectified and unimportant and replaceable are not going to take kindly to sexual advances. It doesn't seem that you care much at all who is there (based on the previous experience) and so a hooker would just as easily meet that need. Meaning a woman who then has a sexual relationship when feeling like that feels like she's being used as a prostitute. Most women have a huge problem with this and do not want to feel that way.

I'm not making a value judgment on if you are objectifying women, but if women are complaining about it then what you can do to help them not feel that you are is to show interest in their individuality. Make it clear that you aren't enamored with the role they play in your life, but in them as unique individuals. Send news or online links that might interest them based on what they talk about. Tell her that you love the way her nose comes to such a cute little point. Complement her funky clothes. Offer to go to a restaurant you know she will like. Sit down and attentively listen when she wants to talk about her day and offer comments (not solutions!) like, "That was mean of him!" "You're so patient. I wouldn't have lasted nearly as long." "They're so lucky to have you." "That must have been really boring." Find out her love language, or her wants and needs, and voluntarily offer her what she wants and needs without her needing to ask (being careful to choose a woman whose needs don't exceed your capabilities for fulfilling them). Then she'll feel important as an individual to you and not only for the role she plays and she won't feel objectified or used. In the mean time, she'll be working to meet your wants and needs in the same way. You get what you want and need, plus you get a happy woman. Totally worth the effort.

The reason women tend to view with disgust men who leer at them and stare at their boobs or whatever, is because of biology and ancestral traits. The reason men do not do the same (complain, I mean) if a women leers at him, is also because, largely of this.

In the caveman days, men did not settle down. They went round with their giant balls, trying to knock up every female that came their way. This is because of the masses and masses of testosterone that flowed (and still flows) around men's bodies. Basically the male body is wired to look for in women signs of fertility;
Big boobs (For breastfeeding)
Small waists (Protecting the reproductive organs - less fat less crushing)
And in some cases, large posteriors...although the exact reasoning is unknown.
This is why men leer.

Women, on the other hand were left alone in the cave with the baby. Sure the man will stick around until the baby is old enough to walk, but he is still banging other cavewomen all the while. This is why women look for big strong, protective men with (and this more subconciously) big balls and spatial skills to hunt and to protect her and her baby.

Nowadays, monotony rules. Women love this. It means a big strong man will be around her cave to protect her for always. Men on the other hand, have the wrong end of a very narrow stick. Monotony for them means his species may not survive as only one women is being knocked up.

Back to the OPs point. A woman, with her primal instincts, hate men who look like they will lure her into a bed and then run off. Who will protect her from the cold world? She doesn't have the testes driving her. The man is viewed as disgusting by her and the cold world.

Basically. Stare all you like. But for a few seconds and in the right places.
Have sex all you want. But if you run off, the woman's feelings are likely to get hurt.
And if you are in a relationship, view her as a personality rather than a body. And if she says 'get off, I'm tired', then get the hell off.

Phhhhheeeeew.

That's pretty good advice, I wish I'd known that eariler.

In a single word, dehumanization.
Def.n transitive verb. :to deprive of human qualities, personality, or spirit.

Holy gravedigging.

As soon as women stop treating men as wallets or tools, that's when I'll consider the argument of sexual objectification to have any real value. And don't give me bs about a guy needing to be a provider or the same amount as you. Either way, it has always been a transaction.

Here, virtue requires virtue signaling. People want to know that you value them, and respond well to sincere admiration. Objectifying a person means using their output without either of the above. Sacrificing other options in favor of the well-being of the person and expressing appreciation both happen naturally when people treat others as real people, regular people.

To take an extreme case, consider the pimp. The person depicted in the movie Hustle and Flow exists to a limited extent in reality. However, overwhelmingly more pimps exploit women mercilessly, and treat them as worthless and categorically unworthy of respect. See the documentary Pimps Up Hos Down.

People get into all kinds of situations, so appearances may deceive. If I don't see reasonable sacrifices made and hear accurate praise, then there's a problem. Often, that problem is objectification. See the way some people relate to their parents.

I don't worry about objectifying women because they can't read my mind.