Success at love

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Hi All;

My wife and I met twenty plus years ago when I showed up at her boyfriends front door after quitting two menial jobs and driving my $200.00 car, drunk, from Houston to Ft. Worth. Her boyfriend was a friend of mine, and I showed up at 7:00 AM after driving all night. That night we all went out to the bars and she and I clicked and spent most of the time talking, dancing, etc. That night, after we got back to my friends apartment, he passed out drunk while she and I continued talking. Eventually, we both crawled into bed WITH HER PASSED OUT BOYFRIEND!! ! To this day, we still argue about who inniated "the deed", but I contend it was her playing footsie with me that brought it on. At the time I was just trying to go to sleep! For her it was pretty much a "Grudge F..., (well, you know)", as my freind was pretty much a BS artist. For me, it was just a matter of "OK, we can do this". As the act commenced, she was moaning and actually trying to wake my friend up, so I litterally had my hand over her mouth, "rape style" knowing that if he woke up, uh...it could be VERY bad. Folks, you just can't make this S%$# up!! !! !

For the next couple of months, we became what today would be called "friends with benifits", (my generation had a less gentiel term). Ultimately, she broke up with her boyfriend and a short time later we ended up as a couple. The thing that astounded her about me is that I was the first person she had ever met that actually told the truth. One of her comments from those days I think is telling. I drink a lot of milk and she observed "Men who drink milk have a little boyish character about them". When I first told her I Loved her, she has since told me, she told a friend that it scared her because she knew I was telling the truth.

We shacked for fifteen years, and a very rocky fifteen at that, but ultimately got married in January '03.

Well, I don't think I would term it "sweet", farcical perhaps. But to answer your question; in my youth, I, like many of the younger (and some older) posters on this site, had what I would term a fairy tale vision of what a mate (or life in general for that matter) would or should be. To quote Ron White: "I was WROOONG"! On the "settling" topic: Did I settle? Well, yes and no. My wife is by no means what I would have picked if I had gone to the wife store. In many ways she is better, in some not so much. I assure you she would say the same of me. My wife is no hottie, but at times when I look at her I find her to be the most beautiful woman in the world, and I mean that. I would call that incongruity Love. She is NT, and as such for many years we had to work through the issues of dishonesty, manipulitiveness, infidelity (mostly mine, but she was no angel either), trust, and what I would term "general growing up".

I've always felt marriage is forever, and as an aspie, how does one gauge the future behavior of another person? We, as a rule, are inept at predicting, or even understanding, the behavior of other people. That in large part is what makes us aspies. It took that long for us to mutually believe "till death do us part" was a real probability. It also helped that at the time we got married I was on my death bed, so it didn't seem likely that death would be that long coming. Once again I was wrong! It's funny the twists and turns life takes you through, but none the less I am very grateful for my wife and am perpetually amazed at how much we both have grown.

I think it can definitely happen. I'm currently separated from my husband, but I've known him for 20 years and we were together for 10 of those years. Even though it dissolved, we're very good friends. In the end, we make better friends than spouses, but we have two incredible kids from that union. We're both Aspies and I think we made a good go of it, even though our marriage didn't make the long haul.

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Yes, you are alive, and you are worth something to the world. And you don't have to change anything about yourself in order to continue being worth something to the world. And, some people can also be of more value to the world without a relationship.

I feel the same way. I prefer living alone. That's part of my AS. I would be a nervous wreck if I had to live with someone else. I tried the roommate thing in college and it totally drove me nuts.

But as far as my original answer that was twisted out of proportion, I'm only saying that a guy who is interested in pursuing a relationship should not ignore interested girls who aren't hotties. If you are ignoring the lardbuckets that like you, because you are waiting for a hottie to come along and like you, you might be in for a long wait.

A guy's attractiveness plays a very important role. Attractiveness is not the same as good looks, but looks play a big part. Attractiveness is composed of many variables, here they are in order of importance:

1. Money/wealth/good and stable job.
2. Spontaneous Smile.
3. Face.
4. Good Personality.
5. Hair.
6. Physique (Fat=Bad, Toned muscles=Good).
7. Nice Clothes.
8. Intelligence.

Note that some are more easily improved than others. Also, a spontaneous smile does not mean "Good teeth". A person can have a great smile and have ugly, rotten, worm infested teeth. Likewise, a guy with perfect teeth can have a lousy smile.

But know that your overall attractiveness will get you the first date, but a good personality is much more important to get the second date.

Also, there are more than a few guys out there that had happy marriages when they had a nice house and a good paying job. But when they get layed off and their home gets foreclosed, suddenly their wives file for divorce. That is why #1 is what it is above.

I'm 18 and I wonder the same thing.