What do you do when a girl you aren't attracted to likes you

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LePetitPrince
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03 Aug 2009, 12:28 pm

'Shallowness' is not a shame , it's in our genes and it's necessary.

Space
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03 Aug 2009, 12:39 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:

Space, I feel your pain. Because I was always a tall guy (and later a big one as well), fat/BBW chicks seemed magnetically attracted to me, even to the point of sexually harassing me at work. It's still the case now, and for the record, BBW's are a lot more aggressive in some ways than their thinner counterpart. I don't know if it's the extra testosterone (which might also make them more prone to be heavy), the competitive disadvantage they have with thinner women (which might make them try harder) -- whatever it is, it can be very troublesome if it is unwanted, and also somewhat personally insulting, as if you are not heavy or out of shape yourself, it almost seems to imply that you are, and that's why she thinks you are in "her league." Don't fall into this mental trap, it's not true. You're just a catch, she's being more obvious than other girls about it, and you seem like you are strong enough to handle her (and are one of the few guys bigger in size than her).

So what to do? Don't lead her on. No dates, no outings, no "just friends" -- don't be mean, but be firm, and don't show interest. She'll move on -- plenty of other guys out there.

Btw, roadgames, great link -- I love science, and I love the science of romance. I still don't think that the author is necessarily in her league though, even if she seems to think so -- all of us have down periods, and BBW's and other women certainly seize on those down periods. Space, rest assured you'll get a hottie -- I know I did.

Other funny thing -- I actually like black BBW's because of their bosom proportions, but no one else.

Hey thanks... Yes I am a taller guy too... about 215 pounds but 6"3 and long limbed so I still look somewhat lanky. No, I am not out of shape... I spent years working out to put on muscle and try to not be so skinny, I don't smoke or drink and generally eat healthy. I am going through a tough period right now trying to pick a career, so yes I am in a down time... thanks, I will take this advice!

veks
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Joined: 29 Jul 2009
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03 Aug 2009, 12:48 pm

I just ignore them and say, "I don't feel like talking to you dude, so just leave me alone." If they persist, I say, "We don't share anything." Treat them like guys(they hate that) and give them the cold shoulder, and you should be well on your way.

TheKingsRaven
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03 Aug 2009, 3:02 pm

LePetitPrince wrote:

'Shallowness' is not a shame , it's in our genes and it's necessary.

We're a sentient species, we have genes but also the mental capacity to overrule them.

roadGames
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03 Aug 2009, 5:24 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:

Btw, roadgames, great link -- I love science, and I love the science of romance. I still don't think that the author is necessarily in her league though, even if she seems to think so -- all of us have down periods, and BBW's and other women certainly seize on those down periods. Space, rest assured you'll get a hottie -- I know I did.

Other funny thing -- I actually like black BBW's because of their bosom proportions, but no one else.

Glad I wasn't the only person who found it neat. You're probably right.

DavidK
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05 Aug 2009, 3:44 pm

roadGames wrote:

women I think would be deemed universally unattractive (amongst them, a couple BBWs)

I thought BBW stands for Big Beautiful Woman- a woman who has some extra weight but is still attractive. If someone is really back-end-of-a-bus ugly, they do not fit the definition of BBW.

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ikorack
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05 Aug 2009, 4:29 pm

DavidK wrote:

roadGames wrote:

women I think would be deemed universally unattractive (amongst them, a couple BBWs)

I thought BBW stands for Big Beautiful Woman- a woman who has some extra weight but is still attractive. If someone is really back-end-of-a-bus ugly, they do not fit the definition of BBW.

Doesn't it also stand for big black woman?

v0lume
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05 Aug 2009, 4:47 pm

Uhm yea, just a bit shallow. She may have a bigger body, but does she at least have a pretty face? (I, however, do have an attraction to larger women as well however I have no weight preference. (I just know what is attractive from the thin and "fat" worlds and what is inbetween). That being besides the case, my previous girlfriend was extremely overweight, and the only problem I ran into with her body was her belly made me giggle on the inside during sex, because of the way it bounced.. Yea I know that's immature, but she is evil and treated me like s**t so obviously I can't stand her anymore but at the same time I can never say that she wasn't beautiful. Although she had a lot of weight at least she had a proportionate figure with an attractive face/ etc.

rensilaer
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05 Aug 2009, 5:13 pm

I say "I'm sorry, but I have a boyfriend."

biostructure
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05 Aug 2009, 8:40 pm

If you're OK having sex with her, you could do that. At least, that's what I'd do if I weren't *entirely* turned off. Of course I would make it clear that I didn't want anything more, except for a friendship if I found her interesting as a person.

I did meet a "big" woman a while ago who did turn me off so much, I likely may have turned down an offer for sex even if she made it bluntly and outright. With her it was much more than her size, though. I've seen quite large women who still have somewhat pretty faces, but hers was in no way beautiful. Not only was it rather masculine, it wasn't the kind of boyish masculinity that sometimes can look good on women. As a final thing, her personality was really boring and bland. The only thing she got really animated about was politics, and with that she seemed to mostly follow ideas that other people put forth.

Though I guess it really didn't matter, since she never was interested in me anyway. Though she's the only person I've known personally who really believed in open relationships, and lived by it.

biostructure
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05 Aug 2009, 9:25 pm

roadGames wrote:

Perhaps the social worth some of us aspie males perceive ourselves as having is an inflated misinterpretation of the actual social worth we have as perceived by others. Furthermore, perhaps this misinterpretation itself is a byproduct of our difficulties with social behavior in general.

I think you're really onto something here, but if I'm at all like the average aspie, I'd rephrase this to say that we don't understand why social worth seems to be the be-all and end-all when it comes to who gets attention and who doesn't.

I know I judge people based on individual worth, i.e. if I personally find them attractive, interesting, someone I could learn from, etc., not based on their standing in the social world. I often assume, possibly mistakenly, that others do the same, so that as long as there's *something* unique about me, I think that girls will want to get to know me just to "try me out". However, there are seriously girls who dislike guys just because their friends don't like the guy. I wouldn't be caught dead doing that.

It also may be that for women, social and individual worth are more correlated than for guys. This is because many girls seem to take a strategy where one of their main priorities is to be attractive to guys, whereas for many guys being attractive to women seems to be secondary to career success, athletic or creative accomplishments, etc. I don't know how much of this difference is cultural and how much is biological. But the result is that for females, personal and social success go hand in hand almost by definition--whereas a man can be a prolific novelist or accomplished scientist, and have great personal interest to people in those fields, yet not be high on the general social ladder.

Observer20
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05 Aug 2009, 10:13 pm

Tell her you are not interested in any form of a relationship at this period of your life, and that you'll go with her to the movies and hang out with her as a friend. If she can't handle that, then ignore her (as someone who can't respect those kinds of decisions isn't someone worth keeping in your life)

Also make sure if you do hang out with her, make sure its in mixed company, so she doesn't get any ideas.

phil777
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05 Aug 2009, 11:21 pm

I'll not argue much, but i'll just mention that waist to hip ratio is important, as much as it is for both genders. <.<

r1x
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06 Aug 2009, 9:41 am

Never turn down a chance to date (if your not in a relationship). Your just going to a movie. You can always blame your auspiness on any lack of attraction. Just tell her your enjoying your freedom right now, and not looking to get into a relationship. If it fizles, it fizles.

Space
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06 Aug 2009, 12:41 pm

r1x wrote:

I don't see the point in it. I'm not physically attracted to her at all. Her advances on me just make me feel really uncomfortable... I don't see how going through that is going to help me, especially when it's so transparent how I feel. If this isn't clear enough, there is no way I would feel comfortable being in a relationship with her. Is there something wrong with me for thinking this?

Janissy
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06 Aug 2009, 1:04 pm

Space wrote:

r1x wrote:

It isn't wrong. It's just short sighted. If you see dates purely as stepping stones to a committed relationship, of course you wouldn't go on one with somebody you wouldn't want to be in a committed relationship with. But if you step out of that tunnel, a date can be an opportunity for you to learn how to interact with women on a date. Unless women feel pressured for sex, they won't be infuriated by a man who just goes on one date with them. One thing women really don't like is pressure (and this is one place where I suspect AS women and NT women can agree). If pressure is missing, whether it is pressure to have sex or pressure to say "yes, I want to be your girlfriend", women relax and you can learn how to relax yourself. NT men do this all the time. THIS is their actual secret, not being alpha males or jerks(which the vast majority of them aren't).

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