Milla Jovovich on the topic of geeks

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techstepgenr8tion
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16 Aug 2009, 6:32 pm

Hector wrote:
Would it really be so wise to reveal that you've never dated before (say) to a woman on the first few dates with her?


That would *really* depend on how. As in - if they sense you're insecure about it, you're a guy, not allowed. If you say it in passing at the right time as if its a side detail (ie. in response to another question where its glanced over as a side-fact); maybe, but still - while I wouldn't show any signs of deliberately hiding it (bad) I wouldn't volunteer it out of nowhere (also bad).



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16 Aug 2009, 6:37 pm

What if past relationships are never mentioned? I can sort of agree what vessel means about baggage, but I'm not sure that makes it necessary to mention your lack of relationship experience early on.



techstepgenr8tion
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16 Aug 2009, 7:30 pm

Hector wrote:
What if past relationships are never mentioned? I can sort of agree what vessel means about baggage, but I'm not sure that makes it necessary to mention your lack of relationship experience early on.


??

I think of it like this: first don't offer if not asked, if asked you just make sure you have a way of saying it where you don't seem uncomfortable or like its been anything other than choice. It seems like its only a problem if it shows a lack of sturdiness on your part - that's mostly presentation.



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16 Aug 2009, 7:48 pm

vessel wrote:
Seeing how so many of our posters here are older males, and within this very board we constantly see them lamenting how they've yet to find that companion, I'd estimate it's just around the corner for most of them, provided we suck it up and make those crucial personal revelations before bringing too much baggage into the relationship.

that's what I was referring to.

Admittedly the statement is ambiguous, but what I read from that was "tell her you're inexperienced early on".



techstepgenr8tion
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16 Aug 2009, 7:51 pm

Hector wrote:
vessel wrote:
Seeing how so many of our posters here are older males, and within this very board we constantly see them lamenting how they've yet to find that companion, I'd estimate it's just around the corner for most of them, provided we suck it up and make those crucial personal revelations before bringing too much baggage into the relationship.

that's what I was referring to.

Admittedly the statement is ambiguous, but what I read from that was "tell her you're inexperienced early on".


I read that entirely different. Maybe he could clear that up, I thought he meant revelations to self - ie. intuitively learning to see yourself in a way where you won't be fighting the urge to shrink away from women or seem like your afraid of what they'll uncover. In his first post he mentions a lot about cutting ties with whatever people are supposed to class him as or think of him as, I think he's just indicating that lots of good will come to other aspie guys who can take a stand and define themselves and their worth rather than let other people define them.



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16 Aug 2009, 10:32 pm

Yeah, that last bit seems about what I was aiming for with my previous posts. I forget that I often sound vague in that respect.

Personal observation and insight, by my point of view, is a deep understanding of how one finds themselves and how the work; generally, how they are the way they are, what lead up to that, what, why and how we could make a desired change based on our overall goals - like, how I recently recited aloud to myself how I don't want to be selfish, or lack empathy torwards my loved ones. In my case, I had to realize the failure, which I still perceive as a lack of personal responsibility and to stop making excuses on why I let myself become a victim of this syndrome. I'm not stating my circumstance to generalize all those with AS, but rather, use my experience with it to state as a potent example why I made an insight to better myself and my relationship quality with my loved ones.

I had to tell myself that it is obvious to me that I have the tools within my neurological arsenal to aim towards my desired end; I want to feel genuine empathy on how my tantrums make others feel, and why that's important to me to aquire. This is very simple and clean to outline, and obviously easier said than done, but it's a process that I wanted and needed to occur because I feel responsible for the damages made in my interpersonal relationships. I do feel that not enough of my age-group realizes how affective and important this process is before entering in to a romantic or sexual relationship, so instead of letting myself feel isolated because of AS, I forced myself to realize that in the end I'll feel better in every way if I try and learn from other's past failings.