Married aspie and opposite-sex friendship

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Thats normal... It isn't normal for married men to hang out with younger, single women. If you want to do that don't be in a relationship or get married.

Married people tend to do stuff as couples of with people of the same gender.

I'm going to have to side with your wife on this one. Anyone who says they wouldn't worry has obviously never been with anyone they're seriously, seriously interested in. It's only natural.

Lets be honest, if you really loved your wife and were besotted with her, would you like her disappearing to hang around, i don't know, richer, single men?

Just because someone feels jealousy - I wouldn't even call it that, I would callit "threatened" doesn't mean they're a complete insecure freak. It's prefectly normal.

I really find this attitude ironic considering we're on a forum dedicated to Aspies who are neuroatypical to most others. Who cares what normal is and don't presume to speak for anyone but yourself. My relationship is now four years old and we've lived together 3 of those. We have our problems but I'm just not a jealous person by nature. I'm also secure enough not to defacate kittens if he's around someone he might be attracted to. You might be an apologist for insecurity and paranoia, but I am surely not.

I'm with Hale Bopp on this one. The one thing more upsetting to many women than sexual infidelity is emotional infidelity. Sexual infidelity is more forgiveable. It can be chalked up to biology. He was thinking with his d**** and doesn't actually love that other woman. Emotional infidelity is another thing entirely. If it seems to your wife that you have suddenly formed a strong emotional bond with another woman, it will seem to her that you have fallen in love. That is how it looks to her now. That you have fallen in love. If you value your marriage STOP NOW!

Not disagreeing with anything you said, but I have to ask: although you aren't an "insecure jealous freak", how does your guy feel about your infidelities, as you admitted that you cheated on your guy?

http://www.wrongplanet.net/postt105382.html

I'm certainly not proud of what I did. I made bad decisions. However, I've always been someone who is absolutely secure in myself. I've never ever been the type who has every put constraints on others or ever looked at a relationship partner like cattle or property.

He, however, is much more traditional, which, admittedly, adds to our challenges.

You sound like you're saying it's okay to use aspergers as an excuse to do what you want regardless of whether it hurts others. It's obviously upsetting his wife. This is something I strongly disagree with. It should never be used as an excuse.



I was speaking for myself and those close to me. Who share the same opinion.



Well good for you. Maybe one day you will give a s**t about something someone close to you does. Until that day comes, I'll reserve judgement. But this thread isn't about you. I am trying to share a view with the thread starter on how a hell of lot of people in the world behave.

I really don't support this either, even if you don't have ulterior motives, the other women may. Even if she doesn't, a buildup in friendship can lead to a moment where the line gets crossed. 5 months ago, I was being friendly to a married woman, I had been informed that even though women do want to remain faithful, they like flirting with other men to feel attractive. BIG MISTAKE! Those two were on the rocks and I ruined it for them.

Here's a more sensible logic. Your wife is jealous of the connection you build with someone she views as a threat. You don't like being in hot water with your wife so you talk to other people about it to help you figure out how to deal with it. Your frind doesn't mind helping you out. Your wife gets more upset, you turn to your friend. Do you see the vicious cycle that could get started? If your wife was comfortable with your friend, it would be one thing, but she isn't. You can hang out with her if you want, you know what's best for yourself. You'll just have to convince your wife that you'd never make the same mistake that everyone else makes.

Firstly, he might not be attracted to her. Secondly, even if he is, there is no problem with this as long as he does not act on it. I am attracted to different people all the time but I "look, not touch".

I have mostly male friends. My major hobby, scuba diving, is predominately male so I spend a lot of time around my dive buddy who is male. My partner couldn't care less. My partner has mostly female friends and I don't care about him spending time with them.

Not everyone is jealous. I mean when it comes down to it, if my partner wants to screw someone else, me being jealous isn't going to stop him. I have no control over him doing that if he has his mind set on it no matter how much I might try to stop him. So why worry? It is something to worry about if it happens only, not before.

That is a good philosophy, it would be great if more people used it. I might try it.

I hope it works for you. When I first started dating my partner I was more jealous, mainly because I used to be in the habit of emulating the behaviour of those around me (to fit in) without actually thinking through my reasons for things. These days I live by the above philosophy. To do otherwise is to risk driving your partner away even more, which of course adds to the likelihood of the relationship becoming bad, which could lead to them cheating on you or even leaving you. And it is just not logical to worry about a partner cheating on you as you cannot stop them or ensure 100% that they are not cheating on you unless you decide to spend every minute of every day around them. If my partner cheats on me, I will be devastated, but why worry about this unless it happens? He is going to die one day too, and it might be before me, but I am not going to worry every day about him dying, which would also be devastating.

I encounter a lot of people who comment on the fact that if their girlfriend spent as much time with other men as I do, that they would not allow it. One guy even mentioned he would have his girlfriend followed randomly to make sure she was not hooking up with male friends. I think if you are in a relationship where you cannot trust your partner not to have sex with their friends, there is a problem there. Of course, most people are like this but most of the relationships I see around me are pretty crappy when it comes down to it.