My opinion on dating

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Murasame
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25 Aug 2009, 5:51 am

Ron235 wrote:

Wow isn't so funny that when a guy doesnt have a gf he is gay, but when a girl doesnt have a bf she is just not ready or just picky, or hasn't chose the right one yet. But it's easier for girls to get bfs than guys to get gfs...so wouldnt that make the girl gay instead of the guy.

I mean come on. The difficulty level that men have to deal with and meet when it comes to women is rediculous. but all girls have to do is look good. No one dates a girl because of her personality, her personlity is just a plus. he may break up with her because of her personality.

If that was the case then every guy would have a gf.
So my point is is that, if women have such a easy time getting guys, then how come that homosexual question doesnt come up when she doesnt have a bf?
It makes no sense.

It’s probably due to the different attitudes people have to the perceived ‘normal’ behaviour of men and women, especially when it comes to relationships. Traditionally it was the guy who approached the girl, asked out the girl, brought dinner for the girl, proposed to the girl etc. 'Normal' guys are supposed to be actively pursuing women. The girl just had to look pretty and wait for prince charming to sweep her off her feet. In this day and age things are not so rigid and it’s perfectly acceptable for women to pursue men, although many older people still believe in the old convention.

If a woman has been single for a long time some see it as a virtue as she’s waiting for the right man who will treat her with decency, respect and will not take advantage of her. When a man, especially one who is supposed to be in the prime of their life, is single long-term then something must be ‘wrong’ and homosexuality seems the obvious answer.

Ron235
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25 Aug 2009, 7:22 am

Yea exactly its rediculous

hale_bopp
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25 Aug 2009, 7:35 pm

d057 wrote:

I absolutely dread it when people ask the question "so have you found a girlfriend yet"? According to the social rules of high school, you have to have a girl friend and be super athletic and "cool" for people to respect you. I got angry at one of my relatives when they asked me that question, because afterwords she said to me "all other guys your age have a girlfriend". When people say things like that to me, I take it as an insult because I am unique and I'm proud of that. She was pretty much telling me that I need to try to be "normal". I also dread it when they bring this up at social skills group, because I'm not interested in dating, and I probably never will be. I don't want to be involved in the teenage drama with dating. I don't have anyone to hang out with in the damn hick-town I live in.

My friend met a girlfriend over the summer, and he spend every waking moment with her. He avoids talking to me online and in person because he is either talking to this stupid girl or her friends. I tried to talk to him on AIM a few days ago, and he signed out as soon as I greeted him. I have asked him if he wants to go out and do something, and he says "sorry, too busy." I am thinking about ending my friendship with him because of those two incidents.

Those were the reasons for why I hate it when people ask me that damn question "have you found a girlfriend yet?"

Yeah that REALLY pisses me off when people compare me to "other kids/girls my age" I feel like hitting them, seriously. I feel your pain. I have been single all my life, and the thing is with friends, they dissappear when they get hitched. I've gotten used to it. The GF/BF becomes priority one. It hurts, but what can you do. Good thing I enjoy my own company.

I sometimes get people thinking I'm gay, but mostly I just get told "There must be something wrong with you if you don't have a boyfriend". I find that extremely rude.

Also for some strange reason I get people asking me "why i'm not out" on a Friday or Saturday night, like that is expected of young people and not acceptable if you aren't.

Bataar
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25 Aug 2009, 11:05 pm

Fortunately, my mom accepts the fact that due to my Asperger's, I'll probably never have a wife or girlfriend so she doesn't ever bring it up. My dad knows I have Aspergers but I've never really talked with him too much about it but he's never asked about me having a g/f either. I rarely interact with my extended family. I only see my maternal grandmother a handful of times a year and my aunt less. On my dad's side of the family, they never made much effort to be around me and my siblings when we were growing up so I don't have any kind of relationship with them. I see them at Thanksgiving, but that's about it. Unless my dad has told them, they don't even know about my Asperger's and they've never asked me about it.

I used to have a friend that would ask me about it. I jokingly told him that no women I'm attracted to has ever shown up at my house for some unexplained reason. He then fell back on the tired tactic of suggesting various activities I could do to meet women and when I said that I didn't want to do any of those activities or talk about any of the things he suggested, he gave up.

billsmithglendale
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26 Aug 2009, 1:00 pm

d057 wrote:

My friend met a girlfriend over the summer, and he spend every waking moment with her. He avoids talking to me online and in person because he is either talking to this stupid girl or her friends. I tried to talk to him on AIM a few days ago, and he signed out as soon as I greeted him. I have asked him if he wants to go out and do something, and he says "sorry, too busy." I am thinking about ending my friendship with him because of those two incidents.

I would say your friendship is already over, but if you want to be the one who makes the official choice, you should block them on your Facebook/Myspace accounts, block their e-mail, etc. If you want, preface these actions by spelling out exactly how you feel. Don't threaten, coerce, or whine -- just tell the truth, say that from your perspective, the friendship is over, and then end it. You'll regain some of your dignity, and you'll feel empowered and a sense of closure on it. And then get some more friends, and move out of that hick town.

billsmithglendale
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26 Aug 2009, 2:07 pm

Murasame wrote:

Ron235 wrote:

I'd like to also chime in that these questions do get asked, but maybe not publicly, the closer a woman gets to 30 and beyond. It's going on right now with my sister -- she's pretty, intelligent, has a job, and is good with people, yet no boyfriend for maybe 8 years now (and she just recently turned 30).

So it does happen, but maybe privately, during gossiping, and not in front of you and the other male relatives.

d057
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26 Aug 2009, 8:08 pm

billsmithglendale wrote:

d057 wrote:

To be honest, I think it is real hard to be honest about the situation with him because of how angry I am about it. Its hard to do it without sounding real mean. I better watch it, because if I get a boss that I really hate, I could get fired if I do that.

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sarbear1987
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26 Aug 2009, 8:33 pm

Ron235 wrote:

and my little cousin who was 9 at the time, she said "you're too nice and sweet, you have to be tough!"

Oh dear. Plenty of girls (myself included) like it when guys are nice and sweet. Tough is good for things like defense, but it's the sweetness that really endears you to ladies.

But don't worry about it if you don't want to have a girlfriend. No one has the right to tell you what to do, and if they don't shut up about it, just ignore them. Or tell them that your friends see absolutely nothing wrong with you not having a gf. *hug*

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d057
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29 Aug 2009, 7:23 pm

I posted a blog on wordpress.com that explained this with more detail. Check it out when you get the chance.

http://dwarren57.wordpress.com/2009/08/ ... be-normal/

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BPalmer
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31 Aug 2009, 3:31 am

Ron235 wrote:

My cousin started telling me "you're probably too nice to girls arent u?" and I was like "what are you talking about?" and my little cousin who was 9 at the time, she said "you're too nice and sweet, you have to be tough!"

It's good for him that he learned that at such a young age. He won't be wasting his young years like I did, i.e. believing in idealistic horse-plop about "just being yourself" and "someone will want you for who you are".

sarbear1987 wrote:

Plenty of girls (myself included) like it when guys are nice and sweet.

No, you don't (unless we have enough earning potential to compensate). I judge all of you by what you do, not what you say.

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31 Aug 2009, 3:35 am

Ron235 wrote:

TXaspie
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31 Aug 2009, 4:16 am

JohnHopkins wrote:

d057 wrote:

I consider it very rude for someone to ask me a question about my private life, and I consider relationships a private thing.

If you go through life always taking this attitude, you're going to be getting offended by a LOT of people, including anyone who actually does try to hit on you.

True, I think it's the ill-timed asking that is most distressful.

JohnHopkins
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31 Aug 2009, 5:39 pm

d057 wrote:

JohnHopkins wrote:

d057 wrote:

I consider it very rude for someone to ask me a question about my private life, and I consider relationships a private thing.

If you go through life always taking this attitude, you're going to be getting offended by a LOT of people, including anyone who actually does try to hit on you.

I will always have that attitude, even with my relatives. I am not going to listen to people that expect me to be like they are, those people get me very angry. I am who I am, and I'm not going to change that. If I'm not interested in dating that means I'm not interested in it, plain and simple. I will tell anyone who gets me into doing something just because everybody else is doing it to just f**k off. It's good to be different from other people, I think "normal" people are boring.

Er, what part of my post referred to any of that, old chap?

LolaGranola
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05 Sep 2009, 12:47 pm

Sometimes I really hate my family.

My aunts were all popular in high school and were your typical party girls. At least one of them was a cheerleader and all three of them had lots of friends and went to parties and had their share of boyfriends. Their daughters aren't much different either.
I on the other hand failed school, don't have many friends, and have never kissed a guy. And they love to give me their so-called advice and comment on my situation. At my birthday dinner in May, over at my father's house, conversation went like this:

"So, Lola, how is school? Making any new friends?"
"I found someone to eat with."
"Finally getting out of the house?"
"Well, no. Not really."
"Do you have a boyfriend?"
"I've, uh, never had a boyfriend."
"Why not?"
"I don't know."
"Do you just not like people?"

Awkward pause at dinner table.

"Well, Lola, do you at least have your driver's license?"
"I'm not in hurry."
"Well, that's okay. I waited too. I just had my boyfriends drive me around. Bad boyfriends, but
good drivers..."
"You really need to get a boyfriend..."
"Or a job."

I wanted to smack my aunt Linda when she said "Do you just not like people?"
No. I don't want to make friends or kiss a guy before I'm twenty. I like sitting home every night eating soup and watching bad TV. I love not getting phone calls or email or invitations. Boy do I love being alone.
What the f**k?

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d057
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05 Sep 2009, 1:47 pm

LolaGranola, the reason why she is like that is because she doesn't understand Autism. She doesn't understand that people on the spectrum lack social skills required for things like dating and making friends. I'm just guessing that was why she asked you "Do you just hate people?"

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bdhkhsfgk
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05 Sep 2009, 2:25 pm

I'm stuck in a similiar situation, my relatives, classmates, and ESPECIALLY old ladies tell me "I got my first bf/gf when i was 14-15, you should get one too, you're a handsome boy." It's not that easy for a person like me, firstly, most nt girls are downright b*****, irritating, spoiled and i do not like them. Secondly, I deserve someone better than that, someone nicer, most likely a little extroverted aspie girl who will protect me socially, though it is hard to find such a chick.

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