Anyone else get sick of being told to "be yourself"

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I would agree.

I have heard of women complaining about men leaving the toilet seats up and I could never understand why it was such a big deal. Then my husband told me some women fall in the toilet and I was like "don't they ever see the toilet before they sit on it?" Well after falling in the toilet a few times because I don't always turn on the light when I go, I fell in a few times and understood. So I learned to just feel it when I sit. I also don't mind if he spits in the kitchen sink because the dishes get put in the dishwasher and spit goes down the drain. I was surprised some women on AS partners had a problem with it and they were blaming it on the AS.

Actually given that I have a relative who is going out with a person that is violent towards her, I do actually wish that he acted his horrid violent self all the time. Then perhaps she wouldn't have fallen for him in the first place - and perhaps he'd be in a safer place (or getting help).

I need someone on the same wavelength as me on virtually everything.

That sounds more like a game people are playing when they first meet someone. They are not being themselves, they play their partner a fiddle to impress them and then after 3-6 months, they start to be themselves again. I think the game is stupid because why pretend? Your partner might not like the real you and leave you so it's best to be yourself from the start so the person can see if you are right for them or not. If they don't like you, then at least you got it done a lot sooner than wasting your time with them. That's why it's not a good idea to move in with someone so soon you just met.




So why is she still with him? Has he threatened to kill her or something if she tries leaving him or does he have things she likes so she stays with him for it?

Because love is blind AND stupid...

She's actually staying with us at the moment because after 8 years (and at least six of constant hints, reminders etc) he won't propose to her. In all honesty, I'm glad he hasn't.

Unfortunately, if we say anything bad about him to her face, she'll probably pack her bags and go running back for more bashings. She has to realise for herself... somehow ... and she refuses counselling.

You are not right on this one.

My husband complaints when I put the toilet seat down with my feet (so I can sit) because the noise bothers him.
So I tell him that what really bothers me is touching the seat with my hands. I have a thing against touching someone else pee.
That is disgusting! Is not about you guys leaving the toilet seat up, it's about touching it to put it back in its place.
Is not OCD, it's COMMON SENSE and Cleanliness!
I think that most men are just lazy, they like to work hard only if they'll make money.

If you don't want to touch it, why don't you use a piece of toilet paper instead of your feet?

And I question the common sense. If you're about to use the toilet, you're about to wipe your own pee or poo and likely to get a bit on your hand. Also, pee is sterile, in other words pee on the toilet seat isn't unclean and you'll be washing your hands shortly anyway, therefore it doesn't make sense to touch it with your feet instead of your hand. Just use some toilet paper in your hand if you don't want to touch it.

That is typical! I experience the reverse: they tell me NOT to be myself!

One should not tell me to be myself, I am it ALL_THE_TIME.

OK SilverStar I will address each issue, first with those areas that one should work on:

Social skills: like how? without friends or a psychologist? who's going to help? my family are all in denial; they say to get some thicker skin and stop making excuses - and BTW I have read 5-6 books on body language and have tried to use what the books teach but it is painfully slow and the books themselves are not in agreement.

Self-esteem issues: well there's only so much "visualizing" success a person can do before they just say "BS", that all the hard work at trying to not dwell on one's failures is not showing results so why bother. I will have greater self-esteem when I succeed better, not until then - all else and you're just kidding yourself.

Anxiety and Depression: OK while I somewhat agree - that's why I am taking Kava Kava which seems to help - but my high IQ will not be fooled - I know it's not really change per se but chemical change, so it's kinda phony.

Finding new hobbies: This has never been an issue I have many hobbies, in fact perhaps too many - again my IQ will not let me be fooled - it is just a diversionary tactic to avoid the painful truth about how AS hinders my life.

Now let's move on to THINGS THAT SHOULD STAY THE SAME according to you:

Core values: umm, actually my core value to be honest has to be ignored, along with that of always being on time as they're not only not appreciated but considered a nuisance; and always being nice or assuming the best in others HAD to change or else...

Personal beliefs: actually I disagree as I do not follow the majority opinion among my peers so I have to not talk about them; by being silent they do not really get to know me, but the alternative is worse....

Way of living/lifestyle: actually I disagree on this because the way of living is held captive by Aspie lack of social grace, so the lifestyle is one area that MUST change to better fit into the NT world. The lifestyle of a hermit is not my ideal despite what some people in my life have assumed...

Sense of humor (unless you have a poor sense of humor): well I have a decent one but honestly I think humor is a tool used by/on dumb people who have nothing else to say (at least it's better than talking about the weather but only marginally). Besides, you really have to be in a good mood to want to hear humorous stuff, and mostly I am too serious for that...humor seems a waste of psychic energy when so many serious things are happening on this planet...

Odd quirks/traits: again the NT world does NOT want to hear about these - they expect normality...

My conclusions are that if you are Aspie you need a personality makeover to obliterate yourself totally to fit in... nothing short of that is welcome by the NT world that is running things (one can hope not for long, but then no sense in getting your hopes up....) At time I wish I was someone totally different and could have had this second chance on the day I was born.

Sorry for the rant but I am starting to hate God as we the special children of this world do not deserve to get pissed on - it serves no useful purpose unless you assume God is a sadist and right now I am beginning to think so.

I've been told to be myself, and not be myself. Very confusing.

I've never understood the leaving the toilet seat up thing either. I can just feel for it in the dark if necessary and pull it back down with my hands and it is no big deal since I wash my hands afterwards anyway.

Me either. To me it seems women that complain about this are being lazy. If I have to lift or put down the seat, its no big deal, you do that, do your thing and wash your hands after.

They can't take 2 seconds to move the seat down?

Our household has three boys (me and my two sons) and one Girl (my wife). I get irritated when the seat is put down. It's asking for trouble.

I refer to my boys as Stormtroopers because even in a corridor, they can't shoot straight and rarely hit the target.

Lifting the seat doesn't come naturally to them (even though it's drummed into them). So, leaving the seat up is an open invitation for them to make a mess. Why reduce the target area? It's not as if they can bulls-eye wamp rats in their T16 back home yet...

Patty and Selma had an argument about that on the Simpsons.

I have to ask, a conversation about toilet seats or stormtroopers not being able to hit anything?