How does someone with Asperger's ask a girl out?

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Stilted formality annoys the CRAP out of me. The idea of a "proper," stiffly-planned and executed "date" in the vein of going out for dinner and/or a movie isn't anything that interests me - never has, and probably never will. I've been on exactly 2 "real" dates in my life - both were blind dates, too, orchestrated variously by my mom and a high school friend of hers, and by a co-worker. They were typical movie-dates-from-hell with horrendously-conservative NT dudes with whom I'd absolutely nothing in common but exceptional height. Needless to say, I didn't go out with the guys again. Blech!

I don't want (and can't handle) "dates" where the sole objective is endless conversation. Guys with whom I'm compatible know that I enjoy a lot of "positive" silence. Having to keep up my end of an incessant discussion is far too taxing and upsetting.

In a perfect world, I'd want a dude (a spectrum guy, or a REALLY cool and open-minded NT, that is) to take me to one of his favorite places and show me why he adores it, or to have me over to his pad for a beer or two and a monster movie marathon, or to accompany me to NYC to wander around, look at stuff, and be weirdos together, etc.

I just said 'dates' to cover the most ground, I've never been on one I've always met people while out with friends though I don't go out with the intention of getting girls just for a laugh and get drunk. I know not everyone can or wants to do that, if you can though it's a good way of trying out some of the things you can learn about flirting on the net etc.

Maybe you could find some activity where a higher proportion of the types of guys you're attracted to will also be doing or go to a place they'd likely be at since you have fairly specific standards you want met. If you're into the look get down to the local rock club or whatever, you're a lot smarter than me you can think of something

I agree with what KnightGhost is saying too.

Last edited by Hmmmn on 22 Sep 2009, 9:09 pm, edited 1 time in total.

That sounds perfect. Know any ladies around their 30's in Idaho that want the same thing?

Official dates are... complicated. Problem is, how do you know what that potential-date wants until you do something with them and find out more about them?

Awww, I wish I did, so that I could help *someone* be happy!
I dunno anything about your part of the U.S., really; I'm in New England, clear across the country from you.

I'd NEVER date a guy I didn't know anything about. I'd have already chatted with him at length online, at the very least. My ex-bf and I were real-life friends before we became "romantically" involved, and the other guys I messed about with in the past were either real-life acquaintances or guys I'd been "friends" with online for months before we officially met. At any rate, I wouldn't even bother setting up some kind of meeting or "date" with a guy if I knew beforehand that we had nothing in common...

-I don't have any friends here, and I dunno how to go about making any. This is a wealthy, very conservative area, and most of the folks who live here are either married couples with kids, or old people. Not really a haven for strange, suspected-Aspie Amazon alternachicks.

-I *used* to do that when I lived in Chicago - when I could muster up the courage to go out to my favorite g*th/industrial/punk club by myself. The drunkenpunks there talked to me sometimes, at least. Here, there's nothing of the sort to be had (neither the clubs *nor* the chatty louts - guys here don't give me the time of day). Hartford - the capital city - is a tiny, rundown cultural wasteland. New Haven's got some "alternative" clubs, from what I've heard, but I just don't have the balls at this point to drive down there and go exploring unfamiliar territory alone. *Sigh*

If you want me to show you the city, all you had to do was ask

Oh, I already know much of the city (certain neighborhoods in particular, of course) - it's one of my favorite places on earth. Thanks for the invite, though - you're sweet!

I'm old enough to be your mother, unfortunately.

My opinion exactly.

Motherfracker.

So I was going out cycling earlier today. I had my nice tri singlet and shorts on, you know those that don't quite meet and you can see my abs?

I met a new neighbor near the elevator.

My brain: Hey who's this?! Not my type but she's soooo cute!

My mouth: hi

Her: OH HAI!! !! <SMILE!>

My brain: OMG she likes me!! !

My mouth: excuse me

And I got into the elevator.

Next time I meet someone it is going to be the same story.

Awwww! Man, I feel your pain.

Hey...I know! Take a flask with you when you go out riding. Might come in handy next time.

I don't drink.

Crap. I'm not sure what else'll help. Have you tried Valium? Xanax?
Cripes, if I could wander around mildly intoxicated all the time, I might actually be able to talk to guys and make some "friends." MEH.

I thought about anti anxiety meds. I would NOT want to be on those all the time. But taking some before going out Saturday night could be very beneficial indeed!

I finally had some luck a few months ago. After occasionally chatting and awkwardly flirting with someone online for a few years and having finally met once last year we met up again for a concert and dinner and karaoke. Eventually I somehow managed to just say that I really liked her and that I wanted us to be something, and she said that she is open to this but that she is awkward with relationships, and I said that's okay because so am I. Basically, the right one will be the one that is fine with you being yourself and not someone you are not, but you still have to put your heart on the line and actually say it.

Poorly, that's how.

I'm not sure that aspies should be be looking for the traditional 'let's go get coffee'. Too much aiming to 'click', when by definition we rarely 'click' with anyone.

We have to be more creative. Something to do with an interest, that way if you scare her off you know she wasn't your type anyway.

Or the most direct route of all (works best on college campuses) is you could just try to impersonate a photographer of underwear models and ask who you're interested in to model for you, but if you have tactile sensitivities the odds of being hit across the face with force are fairly high with this method so keep that in mind.