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How im dealing with lonliness

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Tim_Tex
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23 Oct 2009, 10:07 am

It ended last week.

She and I still talk, but she never wants to hang out anymore.


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SINsister
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23 Oct 2009, 10:10 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
It ended last week.

She and I still talk, but she never wants to hang out anymore.


Cripes, man, I'm really sorry to hear that. I had my fingers crossed for you, as I'm sure many other folks here did as well. Any idea what happened? :?


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Tim_Tex
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23 Oct 2009, 10:12 am

SINsister wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
It ended last week.

She and I still talk, but she never wants to hang out anymore.


Cripes, man, I'm really sorry to hear that. I had my fingers crossed for you, as I'm sure many other folks here did as well. Any idea what happened? :?


I wouldn't know.


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SINsister
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23 Oct 2009, 10:33 am

Tim_Tex wrote:
SINsister wrote:
Tim_Tex wrote:
It ended last week.

She and I still talk, but she never wants to hang out anymore.


Cripes, man, I'm really sorry to hear that. I had my fingers crossed for you, as I'm sure many other folks here did as well. Any idea what happened? :?


I wouldn't know.


Erm...you might want to ask her, innit?


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Tim_Tex
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23 Oct 2009, 10:34 am

Ok.


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sunshower
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23 Oct 2009, 4:14 pm

Tim_Tex wrote:
Sunshower, I can relate very well to your situation. My last relationship ended three years ago (it lasted 3 years). I have been on a few casual dates, and was in a brief friend-with-benefit situation (and lost my virginity in that situation).

But I know what kind of person I want. The problem is that she may not exist. But if she does, I have been working on being a suitable mate for her.


I know what you mean Tim - I don't have exact guidelines, but I have an idea of the sort of person I want to be with, and I'm not sure they will exist either. But the way I see it is I'd rather be alone than be with someone who I don't have those feelings for.

As far as the friend with benefits situation goes, don't stress about that and don't feel you have to ask her why it stopped. These things are fairly organic and tend to stop on their own accord - once this happens you just resume being friends again/move on. I've had one or two FWB and this is how they have worked. She may have started dating again or something (but demanding an explanation can make things awkward because a FWB doesn't owe explanations and that sort of thing; you're not in a relationship).


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23 Oct 2009, 4:20 pm

sunshower wrote:
...once this happens you just resume being friends again/move on.


Damn. That's not what happened in my case... :?


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sunshower
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23 Oct 2009, 4:28 pm

SINsister wrote:
sunshower wrote:
...once this happens you just resume being friends again/move on.


Damn. That's not what happened in my case... :?


Really? Did the other person develop feelings for you, or vice versa?


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23 Oct 2009, 5:13 pm

sunshower wrote:
SINsister wrote:
sunshower wrote:
...once this happens you just resume being friends again/move on.


Damn. That's not what happened in my case... :?


Really? Did the other person develop feelings for you, or vice versa?


Vice-versa (of course). I was discarded with no warning; I chose not to continue the friendship afterward, because - unlike the guy I'd been "involved" with - I wasn't able to act as though nothing had happened between us. I'm socially/emotionally immature, and the guy's got a record of callousness and sleeping around. If only I'd known.


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sunshower
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23 Oct 2009, 5:25 pm

SINsister wrote:
sunshower wrote:
SINsister wrote:
sunshower wrote:
...once this happens you just resume being friends again/move on.


Damn. That's not what happened in my case... :?


Really? Did the other person develop feelings for you, or vice versa?


Vice-versa (of course). I was discarded with no warning; I chose not to continue the friendship afterward, because - unlike the guy I'd been "involved" with - I wasn't able to act as though nothing had happened between us. I'm socially/emotionally immature, and the guy's got a record of callousness and sleeping around. If only I'd known.


You poor thing, that sucks. I think that's why it's always so important with FWB to be clear from the outset about the fact that you're just friends. Any decent FWB would back off and keep some distance the minute they suspect you might be developing feelings for them to prevent you from getting hurt (I had an FWB that did that, and I appreciate that he did; he is a good friend). A FWB who is a real friend will care more about your wellbeing than about getting action.


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23 Oct 2009, 5:35 pm

sunshower wrote:
You poor thing, that sucks. I think that's why it's always so important with FWB to be clear from the outset about the fact that you're just friends. Any decent FWB would back off and keep some distance the minute they suspect you might be developing feelings for them to prevent you from getting hurt (I had an FWB that did that, and I appreciate that he did; he is a good friend). A FWB who is a real friend will care more about your wellbeing than about getting action.


Ahh, but I didn't know any better; I'd never been part of a FWB deal before then. He was only the second guy I'd ever slept with, too (I was in the process of breaking up with my first - and only - boyfriend when I met the dude in question). I'm still pretty sexually/emotionally naïve, and I've become a lonely, old, bitter b***h in the meantime. :(


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Remembering that you are going to die is the best way I know to avoid the trap of thinking you have something to lose. You are already naked. There is no reason not to follow your heart.

~Steve Jobs