What to do what to do...

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Yea, a deeper relation has been developed..

However, if one of these parties is offered to me again, I'll likely go for the fun, as long as I remember they mean nothing at all and that i WILL be used.

Well when you think about it, you're using them just as much as they are you, correct?

Normally I'd agree with you, but it feels more that I'm being used. They bossed me around! lol

Anyways, I'm merely just waking up over here, we kinda all fell asleep last night, all that alcohol. I actually just went back home, I needed to get new headlights for my car as one burned out last night on the way there..

Really it seems like any activity that isn't anchored in a deeper context is really just tandom co-ed autoerotica, this situation a bit more like group autoerotica. You right though in that its completely hollow, has your hormones oscillating and putting you through mood swings for a good week or two, all that's really a sign that you're all there mentally. I think this is why people joke about bringing party novelty into the mix with these kinds of things, if it's going to be about as fun and rewarding in the long term as getting smashed drunk with em - best to just treat it like what it is.

Well, there's another party tomorrow. Same girls supposedly, or new/different ones in the mix.. She has these parties often.

Thinking back on it actually, I really feel it's the best i can do until I'm ready for a serious relationship.. Because honestly, this is the only time I have in my life to have fun to it's max with them, before I mature enough to really want a serious thing with one... (and it'll likely NOT be one of these party girls..)

I think the biggest reward to me, that i DID like, was getting to sleep with em all in the end. Now THAT was something I liked waking up to..

Well, just pray this doesnt bite you in the ass later . . . for when you DO get into a meaningful relationship, i guarantee your partner will be a bit perturbed with this bit of your history. Confidentially, not sure Id want to know that my first sexual encounter would be a meaningless, alcohol induced group orgy . . . most males dream yes, but not for those of us that want to be considered a bit more than some testosterone endowed sexaholic. Just an observation, not an attack on character.

Honestly, if I got in a serious relationship, I feel it's something that just doesn't need to be said. I'm sure she'll probably have done things too, and I wouldn't want to know.

But right now, I'm young, and really feel the need to live.. And though my first experience with that kinda scene was weird, next time shouldn't be so bad..

Well, tonights the second night of the party..

What is the best way to keep my mind OFF trying to "fall for." anyone?

And now today, I'm feeling sick..

Ok, that was fun while it lasted, but when I get sick from the activities, I'm done...

You did better than I would have. I think I would have been huddled at the bottom of my shower for half a day after the first time.

Well, my being sick had nothing to do with the party.

I just got an ear infection from blasting headphones too loud..

Hmmhmm.. Still gonna take a break.. I don't want to do it TOO often, it could become an addiction..