29 Nov 2004, 4:55 am
letsgo - perhaps you could read up on this sort of thing - do some research. there are hundreds of books on the subject of dating, and i'm sure the internet must have something. ordinarily, i would recommend you speak to someone with more experience, but, for people who have few friends (am i'm one of those), that is difficult. and be careful not to seek advice from those who would set you up by deliberately giving you the wrong advice - that's happened to me.
it's not easy, is it? 
duncvis
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29 Nov 2004, 6:29 am
letsGoBlues wrote:
MishLuvsHer2Boys wrote:
Well you might want to practice proper hygiene and all before going on a date and no talking about other women around a woman you hope to go on a date, and talking about wanting to sleep with a woman is a real turnoff for most women.
How many dates on average before a woman would have sex?
letsgo, you need to avoid giving her the impression that you are desperate for sex (even if you are, being pushy really won't help) and try to stay relaxed. Enjoy her company without expecting it to lead to sex, and if she is attracted to you (which getting to know someone often helps) she will let you know. I suggest a google search for dating and body language might be useful - since we find it so hard to read the signals, lol. If she does appear interested don't come on too strong, its better to go slow and see if she responds - if not, back off, you misread the signals.
Compliments - great. Mish's advice above - also useful. As for the 'how many dates' question, that will depend on a number of things - her personality, if she finds you attractive, how well you get on, etc - there is no algorithm for it. Don't assume women don't like sex - any more than men don't, its just culturally many women don't tend to separate sex from emotion to the extent that men tend to. (correct me if I'm wrong anyone - and I'm well aware it doesn't apply to everyone
)
hope this helps
dunc
letsGoBlues
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30 Nov 2004, 8:56 pm
duncvis wrote:
letsGoBlues wrote:
MishLuvsHer2Boys wrote:
Well you might want to practice proper hygiene and all before going on a date and no talking about other women around a woman you hope to go on a date, and talking about wanting to sleep with a woman is a real turnoff for most women.
How many dates on average before a woman would have sex?
letsgo, you need to avoid giving her the impression that you are desperate for sex (even if you are, being pushy really won't help) and try to stay relaxed. Enjoy her company without expecting it to lead to sex, and if she is attracted to you (which getting to know someone often helps) she will let you know. I suggest a google search for dating and body language might be useful - since we find it so hard to read the signals, lol. If she does appear interested don't come on too strong, its better to go slow and see if she responds - if not, back off, you misread the signals.
Compliments - great. Mish's advice above - also useful. As for the 'how many dates' question, that will depend on a number of things - her personality, if she finds you attractive, how well you get on, etc - there is no algorithm for it. Don't assume women don't like sex - any more than men don't, its just culturally many women don't tend to separate sex from emotion to the extent that men tend to. (correct me if I'm wrong anyone - and I'm well aware it doesn't apply to everyone
)hope this helps
dunc
My doc said its not a good idea to date at work cause of sexual harrasment. I mean shes 20 so shes young too so I dont think someone like her would complain. If some odd reason she did and I got fired Id find a lawyer and take them to court cause asking someone to go to dinner with you IS NOT sexual harassment.
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30 Nov 2004, 9:19 pm
letsGoBlues
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30 Nov 2004, 10:20 pm
MishLuvsHer2Boys wrote:
There are two types of sexual harrassment, "quid pro quo" and "hostile environment" both of these are from here -> http://www.titleix.ucr.edu/topic_2_1.htm (What Constitutes Sexual Harrasment):
The first is 'quid pro quo', here is a definition:
The second is 'hostile environment' and most common, here is a definition:
And yes if the person feels that the sexual harrassment is in form of a 'hostile environment' in the work place, they have all rights to take the person creating the 'hostile environment' to court even if it's just asking someone to dinner, as long as it makes the person feel uncomfortable, it can fit the definition of sexual harrassment and it doesn't matter what age the person is that you're asking on a 'date'.
The first is 'quid pro quo', here is a definition:
Quote:
Quid pro quo is a Latin term meaning “this for that”. This form of harassment is usually easy to recognize. Quid pro quo occurs when a supervisor or faculty member, or a person acting with authority, withholds, demands and/or promises a benefit by pressuring an employee or student to submit to unwelcome sexual conduct. For example:
- A employee is denied a promotion because he/she refuses to be romantically involved with his/her supervisor; or
- A student received a lower grade because he/she refuses to go on a date with his/her teaching assistance; or
- A professor threatens to make a graduate students life miserable after he/she refuses to attend a conference with him/her and carries out the threat by giving the graduate more work than is required.
- A employee is denied a promotion because he/she refuses to be romantically involved with his/her supervisor; or
- A student received a lower grade because he/she refuses to go on a date with his/her teaching assistance; or
- A professor threatens to make a graduate students life miserable after he/she refuses to attend a conference with him/her and carries out the threat by giving the graduate more work than is required.
The second is 'hostile environment' and most common, here is a definition:
Quote:
Hostile environment is the most common form of Sexual Harassment. Hostile environment has occurred when it unreasonably interferes with a person’s work or academic performance or it creates an intimidating, hostile, abusive or offensive environment. It usually involves a pattern of repeated behavior, such as:
Behavior that is unwelcome
- Requests for a date
Behavior that is sexual in nature
- A shoulder or back rub
Behavior that creates a hostile or intimidating environment
- Comments about a person’s appearance
Behavior that is unwelcome
- Requests for a date
Behavior that is sexual in nature
- A shoulder or back rub
Behavior that creates a hostile or intimidating environment
- Comments about a person’s appearance
And yes if the person feels that the sexual harrassment is in form of a 'hostile environment' in the work place, they have all rights to take the person creating the 'hostile environment' to court even if it's just asking someone to dinner, as long as it makes the person feel uncomfortable, it can fit the definition of sexual harrassment and it doesn't matter what age the person is that you're asking on a 'date'.
Just asking someone to dinner a younger person 20 I doubt would find offensive. Also I could do it off teh clock. Shes a nice gal and even says high to me and is always talkative to me.
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30 Nov 2004, 10:30 pm
01 Dec 2004, 3:41 am
duncvis
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01 Dec 2004, 5:03 am
hale_bopp wrote:
I don't see a problem asking someone out for dinner at all - but try to do it out of work hours like after work.
If she says no, don't push it any further or you could get yourself into trouble with the law.
If she says no, don't push it any further or you could get yourself into trouble with the law.
I agree.
Work is a good place to find people you may get on with, as long as you respect peoples boundaries, and don't make a nuisance of yourself.
MishLuvsHer2Boys wrote:
The second is 'hostile environment' and most common, here is a definition:
Quote:
Hostile environment is the most common form of Sexual Harassment. Hostile environment has occurred when it unreasonably interferes with a person’s work or academic performance or it creates an intimidating, hostile, abusive or offensive environment. It usually involves a pattern of repeated behavior, such as:
Behavior that is unwelcome
- Requests for a date
Behavior that is sexual in nature
- A shoulder or back rub
Behavior that creates a hostile or intimidating environment
- Comments about a person’s appearance
And yes if the person feels that the sexual harrassment is in form of a 'hostile environment' in the work place, they have all rights to take the person creating the 'hostile environment' to court even if it's just asking someone to dinner, as long as it makes the person feel uncomfortable, it can fit the definition of sexual harrassment and it doesn't matter what age the person is that you're asking on a 'date'.
Quote:
Hostile environment is the most common form of Sexual Harassment. Hostile environment has occurred when it unreasonably interferes with a person’s work or academic performance or it creates an intimidating, hostile, abusive or offensive environment. It usually involves a pattern of repeated behavior, such as:
Behavior that is unwelcome
- Requests for a date
Behavior that is sexual in nature
- A shoulder or back rub
Behavior that creates a hostile or intimidating environment
- Comments about a person’s appearance
And yes if the person feels that the sexual harrassment is in form of a 'hostile environment' in the work place, they have all rights to take the person creating the 'hostile environment' to court even if it's just asking someone to dinner, as long as it makes the person feel uncomfortable, it can fit the definition of sexual harrassment and it doesn't matter what age the person is that you're asking on a 'date'.
I think the key part here is ''a pattern of repeated behaviour". If she is offended (which if you keep it relaxed is pretty unlikely, since she already talks to you) apologise, and don't push it.
Dunc
letsGoBlues
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05 Dec 2004, 12:26 am
MishLuvsHer2Boys wrote:
Um, it's not your decision when she should have sex with you on average... it's hers.
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letsGoBlues
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08 Dec 2004, 6:06 pm
yes! I saw the schedual and next saturday she comesback to work. 
i'm nervous.
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09 Dec 2004, 10:14 pm
letsGoBlues
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09 Dec 2004, 10:29 pm
Absolute_Zero wrote:
Don't get caught up in creating a fantasy world out of real people. Stay calm and polite. Thinking about this stuff will work against you and make you more likely to act strange around this girl.
So what happens when I ask her I look nervous and freeze up and blush? Do they think thats a turnoff of think its cute?
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09 Dec 2004, 10:43 pm
letsGoBlues
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09 Dec 2004, 11:10 pm
Absolute_Zero wrote:
I heard some wise words of advice once when I was stuck on a very very steep ski trail. I was at the crest, looking down into the abyss that it was and this guy swishes by and says "don't think, just go!" and he just winged down, S'ing confident turns right to the bottom.
I have since applied that logic to life and many times it helps! I have made alot of friends that way and done alot of things that I never used to do. Like fighting for instance. I used to worry about getting beat up by 'school sports heroes'. Now I will fight crowds of them if they get in my way because I don't think about what might happen. I think in the moment..
For instance, the guy on the ski trail wasn't worrying about it but he was thinking about the manuevers he was doing. When I fight (which isn't very often) I don't think about anything except my circle. When someone steps in the circle I kick them, i'm only thinking about what I need to do at the time.
So you need to get all the worries out of your head and just think about what you need to do at a certain time or place. I'm still trying to apply that to women. I usually think about random garbage and limited subjects when I talk to them and it creates alot of problems. When I shut it all off and try to concentrate on what needs to be said at a certain moment it goes alot better.
I have since applied that logic to life and many times it helps! I have made alot of friends that way and done alot of things that I never used to do. Like fighting for instance. I used to worry about getting beat up by 'school sports heroes'. Now I will fight crowds of them if they get in my way because I don't think about what might happen. I think in the moment..
For instance, the guy on the ski trail wasn't worrying about it but he was thinking about the manuevers he was doing. When I fight (which isn't very often) I don't think about anything except my circle. When someone steps in the circle I kick them, i'm only thinking about what I need to do at the time.
So you need to get all the worries out of your head and just think about what you need to do at a certain time or place. I'm still trying to apply that to women. I usually think about random garbage and limited subjects when I talk to them and it creates alot of problems. When I shut it all off and try to concentrate on what needs to be said at a certain moment it goes alot better.
What about if I get another guy at work to give her my number for me? Would that just make me look stupid to her, and scared?
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09 Dec 2004, 11:31 pm
letsGoBlues
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09 Dec 2004, 11:40 pm
Absolute_Zero wrote:
Lots of people do that kind of stuff..just make sure this other guy doesn't ask her instead.
I asked one guy I know at work who has a gf already and he laughed and said dont be a wuss and just talk to her myself. He said dont be affraid. I know not to do it in the breakroom or anywhere where the whole world will hear it.
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