People Say I Shouldn't Actually "Look"...wish I un

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One rather controversial word of advice for guys. If you're over 18 and your moral standards allow you to do that, see an escort (and I hope I won't get flamed for this). Legal issues aside, it should really take the edge off, and make you look much less desperate. This may not be an easy an option in countries where this sort of thing is illegal.

The theory behind my advice is this: desperation comes not from the lack of a relationship, but from the lack of sex. So here's what typically happens, and I'm sure many guys here know. If you haven't been with a girl in a long time, you have an unmet need as a result. The obviously visible desire to meet that need is called "desperation".

Let's look at an example. You go out to a public place, and make conversation with a friendly-looking girl. As you two are talking, you accidentally show signs of desperation. She notices and thinks: "That guy hasn't been with a girl in a long time. That means girls don't like him. Must be something wrong with him." And there goes any chance of even one date with her.

Here's where my advice comes in. Seeing an escort meets the basic human need (altough not a human right) for sexual intimacy. When that need is taken care of, your brain can focus on acting "correctly" when talking to a girl in public, rather than being preoccupied with meeting the need for sexual intimacy.

If there's anything you need clarified, post a reply or PM me.

I wouldn't call you crazy but I would say it's a major turn off if they come off as real clingy or high-maintenance like that. I think what bugs me and what probably keeps me not taking what I could is that I need to feel a heart to heart head to head connection - when I can just look in a girl's eyes, talk to her, and just the way we're vibing with other is really slick (and she doesn't need to be absolutely gorgeous, I tend toward that sort of plain/quiet sort of nontraditional cuteness). When a girl does gawk, give me a real wide-eyed Camerine Diaz stare or whatever I don't mind it but it does bug me when they try to take my personality out of context, heck nothing would be more attractive than if a girl could flirt and vibe with me in a real innocent way but when she opened her mouth saying something that shows me that she's on point, on the level, and that she can cut a separation between the visual and the person who's inside. Sad thing is usually in the past that a lot of girls who wanted a disney character out of me didn't get that or when I gave em some bracing behavior when they started getting giddy they didn't follow suite, they just got confused by it and if anything it cooled em off too much rather than getting them in control of it or getting em on-level with me.

What does that have to do with desparate women? Desparation means you aren't doing the best thing for yourself, you aren't really showing much respect to the person your sizing up nor yourself, your cheapening yourself and them as well as your concept of what life and relationships are worth, and its like personality is thrown out the window even more than usual for "awe, he's cute" - I can take a compliment as a compliment but I can't get down like that, to even feel fullfilled or even want to get physical with a girl I'd need, I repeat, need that proper connection of personalities and perspectives. I mean I'd give almost any girl a chance, if they could relate to me on the level or wanted to but just hadn't had the chance to gauge my personality for what it was then that's fine, problem was in the past, even wilth all that done, they still didn't want to or know how to play ball. Not to sound selfish but we all need to find what's right for us, I know what I'm looking for, and when a girl tried to pull me off-point or off balance (as unintentionally as it may be) its not a comfortable feeling.

Still though, I think your right that while being desperate hurts women in the sense of them finding crappy guys it also doesn't keep em out of the relationship box entirely (when you weigh it out though its hard to say it's a good thing).

The thing is.. guys might like desperate girls, but girls DO NOT like desperate guys.

Girls like to know that the person they have the hots for can lok after himself without being an over sensitive, over dependent, over clingy sap.

Girls don't come to people either, you have to get to know as many people as possible, join clubs ect meet more people.

There's no reason not to look for someone, because if you don't put yourself out there no-ones ever going to find you. And rarley people do find you, you have to make just as much effort to find them, but there is a fine line between looking and desperation. I will try and think of some tips.

I agree with the escort one.. it would help stop people radiate desperation.

Being desperate is bad for your self-esteem as well as the girl you're hitting on's self esteem. Think about it: If she notices you're desperate, what does that say about her? It shows that you only want her because you're desperate and can't seem to find anyone "better". It's not good for either of your self esteem. And I don't understand why a guy would want a desperate girl either.

Well, for me, the act of initiating a casual conversation is instant delvation into desperation demonstration. And they say that ingoring a woman will make them want your attention more, and they'll act more attracted to you. Though in my experience ignoring a woman only gets the favored repayed with interest.

Yep, Dave DeAngelo all the way. Need I say more....

So then - this is how I address the issue when I meet someone totally new. How do I shake off the reputation that I already have? Is it even possible? I seem to have been openly searching for years now. From what you're saying, that can't exactly be helping my chances.

I wish I had some advice but the funny thing about AS is that there's so much more to it even than that. Even listening to and adopting the right ideas just doesn't always seem to be enough. All I can say is look into David D's stuff, get the cd's, you'll probably hear a lot of stuff that'll have the whole scene cheapened so badly that you won't even wanna participate much. On the other hand though, that's just that lovely thing we call the 'human condition'. Still, while there are probably a lot of things offered that are just impractical when you have a body-language or social blockage, you can at least understand the psychology of the game, the level that its comming from, and know specifically what not to do - that in and of itself is at least a good start.

Johnny, I just saw your pics on the post a pic thread, and it's definitely not your looks that's keeping you single.

I am on anti-depressants that seem to have the effect of killing my sex drive; However, I have still been thinking a lot about wanting to be loved and in a relationship. I surprise myself on how little I actually think about sex.

I started anti-depressants while on in a relationship, I guess I just with here because I didn’t want to be alone. I have broken up with her, because she blamed me for stealing, and want me to apologize, to have me back. So I did get sex almost anytime I wanted. However she was a bit too chubby around the middle and not on the ass.

I still believe in your theory’s a little bit, but does it apply to me? I feel so lonely, I would be happy to kill my sex drive to be happy; if only it was that simple.

Well...here's my thoughts...the best way to approach women is first to design a checklist in your brain of what the perfect woman is...say for example with 10 things you want her to be...then chat to lots of women...then any that have 5 or more of the listed requirements flirt with and show interest...otherwise don't so that you have a sense of identity and know what you want and women don't feel you're just after any old woman...oh yeah and when I say make a checklist of what you want in a perfect woman it doesn't have to be just personality it could be her opinions and the way she lives too so you could be looking for someone who has a lifestyle you are compatible with because you believe in its values too...

Hands off sister i was there first

Wow, that's really clever. I've been doing something like this (namely, refusing to date a girl that doesn't meet such and such a requirement), but I've never thought about it this way. Good thinking, meiatonin.

Women ignore me whether I ignore them or not.

sigh, i've been single forever... so i'm stuck in the rut of desparity...

i'm so lonely... all i think about is being with someone.

anyone else here in the same boat that i am in?

Well, I've been single for my whole life, but I'm not at all lonely. I'm sure you have friends, and no one is alone who has friends.

A certain percent of the population is going to go their whole lives without being with someone. This is a fact. If this frightens or depresses you, you should try and work on making your life worth living for you before you even think about being with someone else. The only person you're guaranteed to ever be with is yourself, so you better be able to live with them!