What would you say is your main barrier in relationships?

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My biggest barrier i would say is the fact on my first relationship with that girl, i'd be so shy and then feeling like I didn't deserve her.

I also kinda rush into things alot of things. I get awkard talking to people in public places and it would seem so weird to the girl.

But at this moment, I don't seem to have any barriers as I have somebody who lasted for a long time (although its like on and off).

The only thing that also is like putting a barrier is the fact for some reason i can't seem to explain my point of view and have my own opinon.

Well, just keep in mind that a lot of the stories in there are metaphorical rather than actual. Not to do any bashing, but just going by Adam and Eve alone would mean we're the product of incest . Well, something that has worked for my parents is a, "What we do is our business." If you love your partner, what you do and how you go about it is your business. Balanced moderation . . . but i will warn you. Based on personal experience (ie knew a guy that did this), if you bring up your own story of how you embraced your religion, you will kill the relationship (or if in public, the conversation and likely your friends respect for you). Again, not intended to bash, just state facts of reality.

My barrier . . . i guess its the unexpected, but in the sense that i feel programmed for wanting someone in my life, but i dont know if id be able to handle the random bullsh17 that seems to follow (drama, or some situation that i cannot understand even though this person seems to think it important). Thats the top of the list, if i ever get past it, i would be the intimacy (sensory issue and lack of empathy to suit "physical" needs), or if she (im hetero) cannot seem to understand my intellectual needs (or vise versa if such happens). There are likely more, but lack of experience in the matter makes that the end of my list.

paranoia: i've been used by people i considered my friends more times than i would care to count and i would do anything to avoid that pain again.

and let's not forget the all-too-important major lack of self-esteem; to my own eyes, i'm not worth anything anyone gives me. working on breaking that one down with the help of a few loyal friends and my boyfriend, but hey, rome wasn't built in a day (standard english: it ain't going well ).

The fact that I don't have a viable way to meet women.

My biggest barrier is simply being able to "pull the trigger" and get myself into relationships. It is literally impossible for me to determine whether someone is interested in me, and I err on the side of caution because I don't want to cause weirdness and screw up a friendship over something like this.

Every relationship I've ever had has begun with her coming on to me, and with maybe one exception I have been completely shocked every time when realizing these people were into me.

Aside from my general social difficulties and the difficulty of meeting people, I think my main barrier is wanting to experience a relationship (or more, a sexual partnership of some kind) while being quite fuzzy about what that entails and very reluctant to commit anything to something I really don't understand.

I'm in a PhD program and about to start research. Now my research will be somewhat along the area of my greatest interests, but like nearly all scientific research, the day in and day out stuff will be very mundane. So, I'll have the time it takes to do my work, the time to think and daydream about scientific things in a manner unconstrained by my work, in order to stay sane and not get totally depressed, and then whatever time is left to eat, sleep, socialize, and whatever. And seeing as research is bound to get frustrating sometimes, and boring much of the time, I won't be in the mood to tend to a relationship that itself is lots of work. And even if I had the time and energy, I wouldn't see the point.

Yet, women at my age seem they want proof that you know how to have a relationship before they will even really start down the road from a friendship or acquaintanceship to a relationship or even just sex, which creates a problem.

Ye old Groucho Marx anachronism. Becoming suspicious of any club that might have you as a member.

Liking someone then learning they like you and then the mass suspicion kicks in. Wait, they like me? Why?

Honestly though, the realm of getting to know people in all areas of social interaction, friends and family as well as anything more comes down to two main points for me:

1. Being able to read other people correctly.
2. Being reciprocal.

If I can’t trust my own senses and intuition how can I trust a relationship. How do I know if they are sincere in what they say, or am I taking something out of context and missing a non-verbal or non-literal cue? How much of our relationship is being shared by both of us? Am I really getting whats going on or am I clueless and completely in the dark.

If I care for the other person and get a lot out of being their friend/family/gf it rarely feels as if I could give as much care (or whatever they need) back to them. Sometimes it feels as if people are there for me I just have a difficulty being there for other people. And this doesn't seem fair to the other party involved. I often push people away when it comes to this point, it feels like it would be safer for both of us.

Or, I'll just go on my merry way following whatever interest that comes up and completely miss important moments to be there for my people. Then we loose touch or go our separate ways and it's back to being friendless or single again.

My family gives me a lot of flack for not being familiar. Hanging out with them, attending cousins sports games, shooting the breeze. They mean the world to me but given our differences I don't know how to show them or get them to understand that I love them from afar.

I'm the NT and my s/o is the AS.
My main problem? trying to explain what having a crush and love is. I'm quite an emotional-touchy feely person, and he's still getting used to being touched. (he hated being touched by anyone at all at the beginning of this year)

and we just started dating, so i see fun times ahead~

I would say my biggest barrier is my double standard when it comes to affection. I want to be intimate and want attention, but my need to be alone tends to overshadow my want for attention. I guess what I am trying to say is I sort of expect people to want affection at the same as as I do and then want to be left alone at the same time as I do. Its not that I am selfish and expect things to be my way its that I find it hard to turn on my affection switch when I am not feeling it myself, then I just become awkward and almost rehersed (which is something I dont want to be). It would be a dream come true to find someone who wanted affection and solitude. Obviously with long and progressed relationships where people live together the problem is how do you spend time apart when you live together? I have thought seperate rooms in the house, but what husband would actually go for something like that? Its not many I am sure.

Sounds like you'd need to either find an aspie guy or just a very independent self-sufficient NT who couldn't be happier with being able to follow his interests and not have the relationship steal his life away. When you think about that though that's quite a plus for some people.

Agree with that. Similar myself too. However, I think my biggest barrier is A) finding compatibility, which is difficult as they are rather uncommon, and B) finding people in general that are close enough to where something could actually happen.

I always say the wrong thing-- give me 5 minutes with a person and I will say exactly the worst thing possible to say-- and I don't realize it until a long time after.

i would have to say its my fear of going into crowded places.

It usually does start out as a plus, but eventually becomes a issue. They change not me. I think because I am female the idea of a non clingy women is attractive, but people get attached eventually and the I am "isolated, unemotional, and dont care about them anymore." I havent met very many AS adults to know if that would work out positive or not.

There was a point in time I thought I would only date Firemen since they were gone for days at a time and I would get my time alone without having to ask for it, but I never met one I liked, oh well.

I have had similar experiences. I was very difficult the one time I tried to have a serious relationship with a bona fide neurotypical. We worked well as friends and as friends with benefits (as I wasn't obligated to invest the same degree of time, energy, etc.). However, every time we tried to make it official, it rapidly deteriorated into a disaster.

I have had somewhat better luck dating AD(H)D'ers. However, it usually only lasts around six months or so.

My first relationship (late HS/first 5 semesters of college) worked much better. In retrospect, she was probably mild AS. One of the ways that we spent time together was to sit on opposite sides of the couch reading. Also, it may have helped that the relationship was semi-long distance for two years.

I suppose that separate rooms could be a solution. I agree, though, that many folks would find that odd. My grandparents shared a room, but had separate beds. Also, in the case of co-habitation, each person having a certain designated part of the house, such as a private study, may be a slightly less "bizarre" route. Dating a traveling musician may also be an option. I guess the important thing is to find someone who understands that you need to be alone for several hours every day, or if you take off for a day by yourself, it is not the result of anger, resentment, etc.

I guess one of my problems is that I show that I care by doing something physically manifest for my significant other, rather than more subliminal forms of 'emotional support'. People usually don't know quite how to handle it... either they take it as me coming on too strong or being too distant.

Also, I tend not to say a great deal about myself. At first, people tend to find this attractive, mysterious and endearing. Over time, they begin to view it less positively.