Tell me what sucks about you and I'll work w/ you to fix it

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hey hale bopp, I have trouble with letting people get close to me and am very resistant to being emotionally involved with someone and put up emotional barriers and keep trying to terminate my relationship as i find the closeness so painful.

Btw, what's your major hale?

Feeling like the lowest of the low.

<-- look at my title

I think by now everyone here knows what my problem is...

Learn the half smile! Search on Google images and practice in front of your mirror! Look at how their eyes are too. You look well. It's just that insecurity you need to fix. If you manage to keep eye contact with girls, a confident feeling inside and a half smile, you've reached pretty far! Don't stare too much by the way. I have tried it, and it doesn't work. As for the half smile, you don't have to do it all the time, but looking confidently into a girls eyes with a half smile makes their inside bubble with intrigue.

Possibly go to a younger hair-dresser and get some tips. Say that you want a hot hair cut, and that they should decide for you.

Get out of the house. Do not make any excuses for behavior you know will cause you to feel bad. I have had to delete a couple of games from my hard drive to be able to not sit around playing all day. Listen to music that makes you feel good! Another thing is to talk to people. Don't allow yourself to be a loner. It doesn't matter if it feels scary. Go for it. And make no more excuses to yourself.

If you get really bad emotional crises, you might decide to keep a few emergency valium around. Note: Technically speaking I'm not advocating illegal substance use, but I have had some days litterally in hell. It's a couple of years ago now, and just thinking about those days makes me feel bad. If you have longer term depressions, I personally don't recommend taking drugs. In the case of longer term crisis depression I would advice you to take anti-depressants while removing the cause of the depression.

Ever played the Sims? Peoples needs are a bit like that. When one of our "stats" are low, our emotions are drained. Consider whether you're taking care of all of your needs or not. Nerding very much for a period drains me.

An excellent book that might help you is "The Power of Full Engagement" by Tony Schwartz and Jim Loehr. It explains how people ignore a lot of their needs without even realizing it. I'd advice you to order it now and see if you can get something out of it.

Working out also helps!

Hope you get better!

Screw the fact that you offend people at first. Look at it as a neccesary part of a learning experience.

You will say lots of inappropriate things in the beginning. And it will never totally stop, but any person with self-respect needs to become okay in this skill. If some body gets offended, you should review what you did wrong, and try to find the social patterns.

Another great technique that I've used a lot is to have imaginary conversations. Try to think through NS patterns of reactions and this may help you a lot. You can do this every time you're on a bus or in similar situations. Also try to look for the reaction patterns people have in movies. They aren't always realistic, but it's not intimidating. Oh.. Don't look for social cues when watching "A Clockwork Orange". The mix aspie+psychopathic isn't helpful.

And remember to regulate! When I learned that smiling is attractive, I spent hours grinning when I met this attractive girl. Needless to say I wierded her out. If you over-do "good" or "right" behaviour, you'll be seen as strange too. But trying out behaviors and learning from them is still very good for your social skills.

Just don't get scared by this. When I get scared of social interaction or have other problems, I usually think about all the sadness and madness in the world. I think of intellectually impaired people and (metaphorically) kick myself for pitying myself. The only time to "kick" yourself is when you feel self-pity. Almost all other bad experiences are really no big deal. In a hundred years they are forgotten. For now they are just learning experiences.

I'm too awesome

Are you sure being asexual isn't just a mind set? Are you on any medication? Do you masturbate at all?

I masturbate on average once a week. And have been to strip clubs and seen loads of naked women and just made me lonely that I didn't have someone to connect with, not horny.

general social problems

I have exactly the same problem.
That doesnt mean I can't try and help you with yours.
Do you have a purpose in life? In your PERSONAL opinion?



Well it seems like you're on the right track with that. Elminate as many anxiety causing things in your life as possible.



I have the same problem here too!

I would consider this a side effect of aspergers - never be afraid to tease things out if you do not understand. It does not make you stupid... maybe it makes the NTs assuming. Thats how I see it anyway.

What exactly do you not like about your appearance, and why do you think you lack sex appeal?

You need to get over this mind set.

So you didn't get attention from girls at highschool. Big deal, instead of getting upset about it, use that knowledge to MAKE yourself a better person. Wouldn't you like the high school girls to look back on you in 20 years and say "wow... I really didn't see that coming.. I really didn't see the greatness this guy was capable of back then." ?? r would you rather they look back and say "man that guy has a real defeatist attitude... i guess we were right about him back then" ??

I was also a virgin at 18. and 19. And 20. and 21. Assulted at 22. There really isn't ANYTHING wrong with you. EXCEPT your defeatist attitude. he first way to fix this attitude is to tell me what you don't like about your body image.

That is another aspergers thing.

Is also hard to know WHEN to join a conversation. Just try and sit back a bit a few times, drink up the sort of things people say in conversation. Most of us don't do this, as we are too worried about trying to act normal. This way maybe you can pick up a few ideas about how to go about this.

You can PM me if you don't feel comfortable talking about it in public.



Why is this? Do you not like your nose? Do you think you have boring interests? Do people treat you mean?
You will need to be very specific.



Do you do this to try an avoid them hurting you? Or do you just not feel comfortable being amotional around others?



You will have to be more specific.



Why are you unlovable? Is that what you hate about yourself? What do you feel the underlying issues for this are? Your apperance, your personality, how you've been treated by people?



You're going about it the wrong way. The underlying problem here is that you want someone and don't have them, not that you're asexual. Going to a strip club won't do anything for you. There is nothing wrong with you, it doesn't do it for a lot of men. What you need to do is meet more people. In your case, strip clubs are a waste of time, money and energy. DON'T go back. If you find it hard meeting people, what you need to do is participate in WP discussions with valid content, and start by getting to know some internet people.



If you have aspergers there is no doubt these are bad.
Do you care what people think? Often this is the largest contributor to aspie problems socially.