90% of Aspies can't get a date?

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So you created a sockpuppet....

I think that the person the OP quoted is just fishing for a reason for why he has been rejected. The guy seems like he has terrible self-esteem, little respect for women, a screwed-up idea about how mature relationships work. Not to mention the fact that he seems to want to blame everyone but himself for his relationship issues. So what if boys with AS mature more slowly than girls? By the time you're both in your twenties, two years should be inconsequential.

Aspergers is not an excuse for being a dick. It does mean we have some challenges that other people have not had to consider, but it's not a get-out-of-jail-free card we can play anytime someone calls us on our crappy behavior. Being a decent human being means taking note of mistakes you make or shortages you have and trying to remedy them. Even if it means reading some books about it, talking to people, joining a gym, or even going to an etiquette class.

I don't think that people should have to live their lives alone if that's not the path they choose; however, I have little sympathy for people who let their own stubbornness and need for pity get in the way of self-improvement.

I didn't date in high school, dated a handful of people during university, and then I decided to take some time off. There is a lot to be said for voluntary celibacy. The key word is 'voluntary.' You're not allowed to feel bad about not getting laid because you made the decision to take some time off. I've spent two years working, going back to school, trying to identify my personal philosophy, and reading. A lot of reading.

Here is the advice I have to offer, if he'll take it:

1. Find something that makes you happy and gets you out in public. (Helpful to identify low-stress environments.) It could be an art class, a lecture at the library, an astronomy night at the local university's observatory. Pick something (cheap is good, free is better). Use your community to your advantage.

2. In the meantime, work on yourself. Check out a (recent) etiquette book from the library and study it. (I happen to like the Modern Gentleman series by Mollod & Tesauro.) Work on getting into better physical shape. Expand your musical horizons. Pick something.

3. Learn the difference between 'uncomfortable' and 'intolerable.' Uncomfortable is just outside your safe zone. Could be talking to someone new, jogging every other block on your daily walk, wearing a pale blue shirt with your suit instead of a white one. Intolerable is going straight from couch to running 5k. You'll burn yourself out and/or cause some serious physical/psychological pain.

Eventually, an interesting girl will come along. Be proactive and ask her on a date (anxiety much worse than actually doing this). Things could work out, or they might not. Regardless, keep moving forward. Make improving yourself and your relationships with others a priority in your life if it is bothering you so much. No one can afford to let life pass them by.

Best,

VivaLaConfusion, PhD
Department of Practical Psychology
School of Hard Knocks

Women are genetically programmed to look for the best genes for their children. I can never compete with that and that should be very important in teaching boys with AS why they should avoid women. If a girl shows interest in a boy with AS, it's only as a form of bullying.

I originally wrote this from MY perspective: The average Norwegian Aspie male is an outsider in a small town where he is bullied, where no one even cared when he dropped out of junior high, where his immaturity as a teen has marked him socially forever.
In that context, it's easy to see why he will stay single forever. I prefer to call myself genetically single.
Women are genetically programmed to look for the best genes for their children. I can never compete with that and that should be very important in teaching boys with AS why they should avoid women. If a girl shows interest in a boy with AS, it's only as a form of bullying.

So women are never allowed to accept an aspie or else it's bad news?


I kind of find it offensive. I could have ejected my husband because he wasn't good enough because of his disability and income and the fact he came off as clingy and naive and he was desperate for a woman. But I'm not a stupid woman. This man was good for me because he accepted everything about me and was understanding and didn't pick any bones from me. I could have ejected him and went to a man with high income and thin and more handsome and he treats me like crap instead. How smart would that be?

So I was a bully then for being with my ex? He was an aspie.


I find it unfair that you are implying that aspies can't have a relationship or else it's bullying because the person shows interest in them. That isn't fair for the aspie.

What basis do you have for 'most aspies never go to college'? One only has to look on WP to see that many do; of those, not all succeed but that applies to those both off and on the spectrum. Watch the attacks on women, LM - calling them pathetic bullies for having feelings and taking action is patently unfair and wholly inaccurate.


M.

Do you think that a working class kid with AS in a small town ever goes to College? No he's destinied for working as a janitors assistant, or if it's a girl with AS, as a cleaner.
A middle class kid with AS may be "included" in the high school class(course) where he/she is least in danger of being bullied. Wich means that 95% of Aspie kids in Norway go to "Art" courses in high school before being given automatic social security/disability pension at age 19.
These students should be given jobs at age 13, not be included in school.

If you had gone through the Norwegian school system like I did, you would have been a town jester now.

What woman or teenage girl would show realistic interest in a boy that's immature and uneducated?
I'm not talking about an Aspie male in the US or the UK that may have gone to a private school or gotten a good special education in a good exlusivly special education school, but a kid in a small town that's been included in an ordinary class of 30 students where all he is taught is that he can't learn and that he's a weirdo.

Somehow, I doubt that. However, I would ask, as a person - stop replacing the terms "my experience" and "my opinion" with "all aspies" and "anyone with AS should"... they're two different things.


M.