The number one problem with dating (Aspies and NTs)

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If I recall, humor is very high and so is confidence. So, fake it if you don't have it.

The number one problem is self-inflicted...detachment from reality. Women complain that there are no good guys out there, but what they really mean is "There aren't any good guys that have the physical appearance that I like." Same thing with guys. Guys complain that there are no decent girls out there and that women are mean to them, but what they really mean is "The really hot, popular girls that all the guys want don't like me." Most people's problem, in other words, is that the type of person they're dating or want to date isn't right for them, or they want what they can't have.

There's a particular poster on here who always complains about how unlovable he is. What makes him think a woman would want him? While I wish depression on no one since I know firsthand what it is like, people don't want to be around downers, even a downer that looks like a model. Sure, the depressed model might get some attention from a woman, but she would leave him when she realized he wasn't in a good mood.

I think people would be happier if they faced reality and said "This is who I am, and this is the type of person I can get" and more importantly "This is the type of person I'd get along with."

If a woman wants a good guy and is serious about it, stop dating the jerks that beat you and cheat on you and treat you like crap and go for that guy that might not be as sexy but will treat you right. If guys want a date, stop fantasizing about that blonde with the big breasts that laughs at you everytime she sees you and go for that quiet girl at the bookstore.

If most people of the opposite sex find you physically unattractive, find someone of the opposite sex who knows what it's like and you two can have whining parties together.

I think people are their own worst enemies.

Yes, Toad I was referring to you, but I'm talking about people in general, Aspies on this site and NTs. And I think you could easily get a girlfriend similar to yourself if you put your mind to it.

I have limits as well like a lot of people. Every "really hot" girl I've ever went for, online especially, has thought I was some sort of loser or weirdo, not because of the Aspergers, but because I'm not a typical guy and will talk about whatever I feel like talking about. Add in the fact that I'm not a "really hot" guy, just a decent looking guy and not the partying type on top of it, and I have no business (and wouldn't get along anyway) with that type of woman.

This post wasn't made as an attack on you, Toad, it was meant for other people, men and women, on this forum as well. While there's nothing wrong with being picky and not taking anyone that looks in your direction, there are people on here, a few guys in particular (not you, Toad) that have very high, unrealistic standards and don't have anything to back it up.

I agree in that the well adjusted are the truly beautiful and that should be the first matter of course. Finding someone you can be attracted to is part of sealing the deal of course for making sure you have the motivation and desire to be there, but for everyone above board for you - personality and compatability need to be the crux of things.

So the women turn down guys who treat them well and are honest, and go for the jerk who plays them, lies to them, and pretends to be all cool. Sure women should not be abused in relationships, but often they chose these abusive guys (and are more attracted to them!! !). Weird.

BUT!! !! !

Women have different tastes! Everyone gets depressed sometimes, so many depressed people find someone to date (it might take longer though) and even marry!

Actually I think it's fairly well in evidence that physical appearance is not a really strong attraction component for women. Stability always makes the list - good job, good income. This stuff is fairly hardwired. In fact, I recall reading that researchers have a hard time even quantifying physical attractiveness TO women, because it's all over the map what women find physically attractive. If I recall, humor is very high and so is confidence. So, fake it if you don't have it.