For what it's worth, I'm here to say that it IS possible.

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ToadOfSteel
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03 Jan 2010, 9:53 am

inthehills wrote:

You just have to remember that all women are different.
In the sense of niceness we are like berries; some of us are sweet, some have a bit of spice.
But you'll want to avoid the poisonous and bitter ones.
Don't let one berry put you off the rest of the bunch.

I wish I could share your optimism.

But in a world where everything is just passing me by and nobody is stopping to lend a hand, I just get lost...

dddhgg
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03 Jan 2010, 9:55 am

Nice couple. Good luck you two!

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Dabey müssen wir nichts seyn, sondern alles werden wollen, und besonders nicht öffter stille stehen und ruhen, als die Nothdurfft eines müden Geistes und Körpers erfordert. - Goethe

Kilroy
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03 Jan 2010, 11:24 am

i tried that thing lol
useless

made a few friends I've long since lost contact with there...
good for something I suppose

HopeGrows
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03 Jan 2010, 1:23 pm

Toad.....I am exasperated with you! Nobody's stopped to lend a hand? Take a look at the threads you've participated in on this site - there have been many, many people who've stopped to lend you a hand - and given you really good advice. Unfortunately, you're the only one who can choose to act on the advice you've been given - and you refuse to do that. And nothing is going to change in your life until you change your refusal to act.

bdhkhsfgk
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03 Jan 2010, 1:31 pm

Well, there are so few aspies in the country I live in that it seems hopeless, but I guess I just have to live with it.

BetsyRath
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03 Jan 2010, 2:05 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

inthehills wrote:

I wish I could share your optimism.

But in a world where everything is just passing me by and nobody is stopping to lend a hand, I just get lost...

Have you tried ceasing complaining and whinging all the time? I might submit it is 100% unattractive to pretty much everyone.

BetsyRath
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03 Jan 2010, 2:06 pm

Also - I mean that earnestly, not snarkily, since there is no tone.

ToadOfSteel
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03 Jan 2010, 2:30 pm

ok, i'm really sorry, i worded that completely wrong and didn't intend for it to mean what i actually ended up saying. I wasn't referring to the advice that anyone here has been giving me. Indeed, I am grateful for everything people here have done. What I was referring to is that there's no woman out there who is willing to give me a chance... and frankly they shouldn't, because I'm too weird, and damaged beyond repair on top of that...

DW_a_mom
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03 Jan 2010, 2:37 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:

You're 21; the road is long, and you've barely stepped on it. I got married for the first time at 36. Its like saying you'll never own a home because you don't own one yet; there is a lot of journey to go through before you are even ready for it. So embrace the journey and stop worrying about what hasn't happened YET.

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Asp-Z
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03 Jan 2010, 2:41 pm

It is possible, but it seems that whenever I try telling people this, they make excuses why it isn't... They are simply scared to try. Scared to confront fear of failure. Such people will stay lonely more often than not.

However, people who have hope can clearly succeed! OP, I wish you the best of luck in your relationship!

Salonfilosoof
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03 Jan 2010, 3:15 pm

Asp-Z wrote:

But when trying only leads to failure and you don't know exactly how to correct the mistakes you're making, you can sometimes feel just as helpless and isolated....

Asp-Z
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03 Jan 2010, 3:26 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Asp-Z wrote:

But when trying only leads to failure and you don't know exactly how to correct the mistakes you're making, you can sometimes feel just as helpless and isolated....

Go over your interactions. Think about what you said and what you did, and the reactions you got. Analyse it and come up with ways you may alter it in the future to produce a positive result.

Again, it's not impossible, you just need to work more on it.

Salonfilosoof
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03 Jan 2010, 3:37 pm

Asp-Z wrote:

Easier said than done. Knowing what you did wrong is one thing, but learning how to improve your results is a completely different matter.

Asp-Z
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03 Jan 2010, 3:42 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Asp-Z wrote:

Easier said than done. Knowing what you did wrong is one thing, but learning how to improve your results is a completely different matter.

Not really. Think about what other people have done in that situation when they were successful, then try and apply the same logic. Maybe talk to a NT you trust about what you should do? Or, try meeting girls through other methods.

Salonfilosoof
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03 Jan 2010, 3:53 pm

Asp-Z wrote:

Not really. Think about what other people have done in that situation when they were successful, then try and apply the same logic.

I try, but I still seem to miss out on some important details.

Asp-Z wrote:

Maybe talk to a NT you trust about what you should do?

I had two lesbian friends who tried to guide me through the process of picking up a girl who has shown subtle signs of interest towards me. I already failed at making the proper eye contact (probably creeping her out) and I froze the very short time I had the chance to actually talk to her.

Asp-Z wrote:

Or, try meeting girls through other methods.

I have 5 ex-girlfriends, 4 whom I had met online and 1 I had met through a friend I also had met online. Most of them were quite unstable, though, resulting in fairly unstable relationships. This has made me quite sceptical about using the Internet to meet women.

Asp-Z
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03 Jan 2010, 4:02 pm

Salonfilosoof wrote:

Asp-Z wrote:

Not really. Think about what other people have done in that situation when they were successful, then try and apply the same logic.

I try, but I still seem to miss out on some important details.

OK, so try some methods that don't require those things.

Quote:

Asp-Z wrote:

Maybe talk to a NT you trust about what you should do?

Same advice as before.

Quote:

Asp-Z wrote:

Or, try meeting girls through other methods.

OK, so if you buy a car with a broken clutch, does that mean all cars are like that?No, it means you were unlucky. Don't give up just because things don't work out at first. The Internet has millions of people on it! Maybe join up to a dating site? They say if you don't find someone in 6 months you get your moeny back.

If you are still not sure, try something that's not a bar and not the Internet. Maybe some sort of party or something?

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