What drives you to pursue love?

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i drive myself everywhere. i would pursue love if i had previously tasted it and it was falling helplessly down a rock face.

I will have to get back to you on this one.

Good question.

It could be the fact that I, as others, would like to be in a good relationship. Or it could be do to deep psychological reason I feel I need to to prove I am not a bad person/failure. Maybe it's wanting to share experiences with someone else like that. It could be I am a typical 18 y/o guy. Though I think thats less likely (besides obvious reasons) since most people who say they want to "Experience love" seem to really mean "I want to have sex". It's not that I am opposed to sex, I just don't care and it is not even on the top 5 list of why I want to pursue a relationship.

I can't agree with you more about the " searching for love is not the solution to loneliness" and "trying to find love is a problem".

I was just finished a "relationship" which is not a real one. We were to the place of relationship yet.

I learnt a lot from that.

When I first met him, I didn't think I would like him.
He just was a guy I met on the street. I met lots of man on the street every time I went out.
When he started ask me out. I didn't really want to go.
Then he continued ask me for several times, then I thought maybe I could try.
And I went out with him for several times.
At that time, I was on the road of trying to find a love.
I thought if I couldn't feel love of him, I couldn't go out with him again.
Then I found that it seemed there were some "love" between us.
As I could touch and kiss him which was hard for me to do that to lots of other man.
And I used that a lot as reason of I love him.

But after he left me, I spent three days thinking of that kind of love thing.
Then I found that, it's not the intimate action let me feel I like him.

When I decided to go out with him, I checked him on google.
I was cheated by another guy before who used me as his toy for spending the lonely time when he had problems with his girlfriend.
I was hurt a lot since he was the first bad guy I met in my whole life.
After that I didn't feel safe and have to always to make sure not to be cheated again.
So I checked him on google to make sure he would not trying to cheat me.
When I confirmed that he was single then I decided to go out with him.

And soon I found my decision of hanging out with him was correct.
He was a very good man. Although he didn't talk too much, he cared me a lot.
I'm afraid of crossing the street if there are too many cars.
After he learnt that he held my hand everytime we cross the street.
And he didn't force me to do things if I didn't want to do such as staying too late together (I have to go home earlier for it is not safe in

our area).

I felt relaxed and happy to be with him.
We didn't have to do much things.
I felt happy when we were looking at each other; I felt happy when we sat together; I felt happy looking him driving the car.

Then I learnt more and more about him.
I found that he was doing really great work for others.
And I like the sentence he put on his website. He is special, he is that kind of man I'm looking for.
I told my friend he is a special person not like others (But at that time I didn't realized that's why I like him. I just told my friend a

kind of truth.).

But after Thanksgiving, a series of things made him decied to leave me.
We were ok before he came home.
But as I still didn't feel safe after hurt by a jerk before, I felt unsafe when he went home and couldn't reply my txt.
And I felt even bad when he came home for Christmas.
My suspecions of other man started. I though he was one of them.
I started to puring him with my calls and txts.
I followed his twitter and found he would go somewhere.
I tried to call him if he would mind if I come.
But he didn't answer the phone.
I felt angry and decided to go.
We met at the scene.
And the next day, I lost him.

I started self-criticism.

And I realized that it is the searching for love and trying to find love thing which made me lost him.

I did all these not-trust thing for him just want to find love from him. I want him to love me, to make a commitment on me.
But the real love thing is not like that.
It's not we can find from other people.
It's reside in the things we do with others.
We can not ask someone we met on the street if you love me.
we have to feel it when we are with someone, watching movie, going to the museum, sharing the happy things and so on.

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If I may kibitz...

Most young NT aults are NOT capable of handling both a career and love life. I have managed people globally of varying ages (24 was the youngest, 45 is the oldest). I didn't pay anyone less than $100,000/year (except for the guys in India) with old, new and blah blah families. This also includes hanging out with their friends and other co-workers (same pay grade basically). So this is the "successful", "relationship" and "families" part.

The younger ones, even with very successful jobs, are unable to manage successful relationships. Only when these folks hit 35+ did the relationship and career juggle reach a state of equilibrium.

It's not simply a failure on one parties, it's usually the requirements of the job combined with a failure to communicate and/or lack understanding of the other person.

Focus on the job, you lose out on the family & relationship. Balancing both takes judgement and finding the right partner. Not something a young person is typically capable of.



Yes, this is it.

The "successful" aspies lack social skills, and their focus is on the career (is it control? understanding? focus on one objective?). However, the career, at least in the fields I have been in, do not make for a successful relationship. Only if the person is moving up the managerial chain and dealing with interpersonal communication or working with children have I seen a marked difference in the success of relationships.

Shoot the bad guy, solve a software issue, engineer a solution. All these do not help a relationship, and depending on the situation (getting shot at by bad guys, working in a dot com or designing a monumental building) strain relationships.