Having relationships

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redvelvet
Deinonychus

Joined: 1 Dec 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 356
Location: England

02 Mar 2006, 11:59 am

Fiz wrote:

edgey123 wrote:

I don't honestly believe people who have AS (which is a serious disability that is incurable) are capable of relationships with the opposite sex.

I certainly aren't and I am happy about not being able to have a relationships with the opposite sex - I just don't want to hear about other people's relationships with the opposite sex, either!

If you don't want to hear about it, may I suggest that you avoid the relationship forum?

I think that what you have to consider is that people with AS are NOT carbon copies of each other. Some of us can cope with relationships whereas others cannot, some of us want them, some of us don't. We all vary. I know full well that, characteristically, having AS means that you have communication difficulties. However, I think that these difficulties are influenced by 2 main factors:

-the severity of AS
-your individual personality

Everyone is different and not everything is in black and white. I feel that by saying all aspies aren't capable of this that and the other, that people with AS are then being categorised into one place and I resent that as I am ME, an individual, as is everyone else. We all have one thing in common but other than that we are all different and cannot be placed in the same box, if you know what I mean.

Fizz has just said some good common sense, All Aspie people are different, Aspergers affects people differently.

What attracted me to my Aspie husband was his caring attitude and his interest in me. he showed genuine consideration and he tried to talk to me, and succeded very well. I knew there was something different about him, but his differences is what I was attracted to. Our marriage has been a success, it hasn't been smooth sailing all the way, but 25 years this December will be our Silver wedding anniversary. And we are still together and have a very healthy relationship.

It can work, it depends on who you want a lasting relationship with, and very good communication, and allowing for the differences.

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Drakeman
Snowy Owl

Joined: 3 Mar 2006
Age: 36
Gender: Male
Posts: 140

08 Mar 2006, 5:56 pm

I consider myself a little bit lucky, since my classification of my AS isn't that high and I'm capable of having a great relationship. However, the "social game" that has to be played between the couples frustates me beyond comprehension. A lot of people consider me attractive, but the signs they give are difficult to figure out.

Really, really deep down, at times I wish I wasn't attractive so I didn't have to deal with girls... although on the other hand I love them to death and get attached to one person very easily. Relationships normally end up being extremely painful for me in the end, especially since girls that I really thought understood me turned out to be complete b****s and only wanted me for my money in one case even. It's something that drives me off the edge and has put me in severe depression at times... but yet I keep on yearning for a girl all the time. It's easily the biggest problem I have in my life, and my emotional scars are quite deep as well.

Comkeen
Sea Gull

Joined: 15 Sep 2005
Age: 40
Gender: Male
Posts: 224
Location: San Francisco, CA

08 Mar 2006, 10:34 pm

I think tis certainly possible...

I just need to find a girl that isnt already taken!

College has proven to be waay overrated so far.

Laz
Veteran
Veteran

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Age: 43
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09 Mar 2006, 12:43 pm

Higher education is over rated full stop. But thats for another thread

Im in a relationship at the moment, there over rated. I think im gonna have to quote that red dwarf episode were Lister goes on about going into a Wine bar to Kryten in order to express my thoughts on the issue

Ive never played squash with a bloke called Gerald for the record

magic
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09 Mar 2006, 10:46 pm

edgey123 wrote:

Aspergers Syndrome is a communication difficulty which affects social interaction, relationships and it is not possible for a person to have Aspergers Syndrome and have relationships.

It seems you are creating new diagnostic criteria for AS. May I ask what are your credentials and experience in the field of psychology or psychiatry?

edgey123 wrote:

I have my doubts that a person with full blown diagnosed AS like me is even remotely capable of relationships with the opposite sex.

Please define the term "full blown diagnosed".

edgey123 wrote:

I certainly don't think someone with AS is capable of holding down a romantic relationship for anymore than a few days and that is with a large support network.

Please explain the reason why a relationship involving someone with AS should have a time limit. Please elaborate on the support network, its role and its necessary size.

jman
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10 Mar 2006, 2:44 am

I am a "full blown diagnosed" aspie and i've been in relationships.

hale_bopp
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10 Mar 2006, 5:10 am

I thought you were not specified jman?

Jetson
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10 Mar 2006, 6:40 am

edgey123 wrote:

Aspergers Syndrome is a communication difficulty which affects social interaction, relationships and it is not possible for a person to have Aspergers Syndrome and have relationships.

From the DSM-IV:
C. The disturbance causes clinically significant impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

"Clinically significant impairment" doesn't have to mean "totally incapable". Of course if you're incapable then that would certainly qualify as a clinically significant impairment.

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Jetson
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10 Mar 2006, 6:43 am

edgey123 wrote:

I just don't want to hear about other people's relationships with the opposite sex, either!

Would you rather hear about our romantic relationships with same sex partners?

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ELLCIM
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10 Mar 2006, 11:05 am

Notice that edgey123 hasn't responded to any of the recent posts in this thread.

We win.

gloomywtregret
Raven
Raven

Joined: 8 Mar 2006
Age: 37
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Posts: 118
Location: Wherever I don't want to be

11 Mar 2006, 5:06 am

yay

baby
Sea Gull

Joined: 23 Feb 2005
Gender: Female
Posts: 232

11 Mar 2006, 11:36 am

IMO its not whether a person has something like AS that determines whether they are able to conduct a 'normal' relationship, its the person themselves. now before everyone jumps down my throat, i'll just say, yes i don't have AS but i have had relationships with people who also don't and they are seem unable to participate in the relationship to a full level. similarly i have had relationships with people who do have AS and that seemed to work ok.

baby :oops:

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