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How about some Aspie Girl Views/Experiences on Dating/Love?

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Tim_Tex
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31 Jan 2010, 12:49 pm

moonnymph wrote:
Girls/women on the spectrum, while we may be able to date more than our male counterparts, are more at risk, we are trusting, honest, etc. and assume that everyone is just like us. We misinterpret motives and assume that all are as pure as the ones we are initiating, but in the end we are the ones that get most taken advantage of. Lotusblossom, you are right, we do seem to gravitate toward people who we "think" get us, are like us, but sadly that can mask ulterior motives, etc. that we fail to read. Over the years, I have been told I was too gullible, too immature, too clumsy, too crazy (crazy - when I had a meltdown, they didn't know what to do with me), etc. I believe that there is good in everyone, you just have to look for it. Our male counterparts keep saying that we have it so easy, we can date, but is the ability to date essentially a bonus when it is with all the wrong people, when one may risk mental or physical abuse in the end? I am sure that there is someone out there for me and am happy to hear that there are those on the spectrum who have been lucky in love, I only hope that their luck continues and doesn't wane.

lotusblossom wrote:
I had several vilolent relationships with men who were very nasty. As an above poster said they 'busted moves' in a very inapropriate way, but I did not realise it was at the time, I was just able to see that they liked me. I think that is a big problem for people with AS, because the people we can 'read' like us are probably behaving socially inapropriately and we should take that as a warning sign of their instability rather than 'go for it'


I agree with you 100%.


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musicboxforever
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01 Feb 2010, 8:33 am

Sometimes when I think a guy likes me, I see him staring at me accross the room and it worries me. I think, "why is he staring at me?"

I just don't seem to get it when it comes to relationships. There have been a few times when I've known that I've liked someone and I've thought that maybe he likes me too, but I never know what to do after that. I usually wait for the guy to make a move - to me this would be as simple as saying, "I'm having a party, do you want to come?" But I must send out the wrong signals because I never get asked. Even a "would you like to go for a coffee," would be welcome, but I never get that either.

I seem scary I think. I've been told that I don't look like I need anyone, so guys think, "oh, what does she need me for." My answer would be lots and lots of hugs. But how do I convey that in an appropriate way?



pschristmas
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01 Feb 2010, 11:04 am

musicboxforever wrote:
Sometimes when I think a guy likes me, I see him staring at me accross the room and it worries me. I think, "why is he staring at me?"


I've done this. In one of my classes, there's a guy who, every time I looked across the room, was looking at me very intently. It always made me a bit uncomfortable. He's stopped doing that now and we get along very well as fellow students, so all's well, I suppose.


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I seem scary I think. I've been told that I don't look like I need anyone, so guys think, "oh, what does she need me for." My answer would be lots and lots of hugs. But how do I convey that in an appropriate way?


I've been told that I'm intimidating, though I can't see why I would be. It's kind of strange the way others view us, sometimes.



musicislife
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01 Feb 2010, 12:31 pm

i never "got it" when a guy was interested, though those times were few and far between. i wasn't really interested in guys ever, besides as friends. a couple of my friends joked that i was the guy with different...ummmmm...equipment :lol:

i missed a lot of obvious signposts before my boyfriend asked me out, but i an excuse at that point (busy with rehearsals for my high school's spring musical :P ).


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matrixluver
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02 Feb 2010, 4:15 pm

that I can fake it through most dates but if I'm not enjoying it, why bother? For social approval or the idea that dating is expected? I find that when you pull away from intimacy with someone you just met, most guys give up. Until I met my husband, who was very understanding. But no, the whole dating "game" was just a chore.



alana
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02 Feb 2010, 8:30 pm

lotusblossom wrote:
I had several vilolent relationships with men who were very nasty. As an above poster said they 'busted moves' in a very inapropriate way, but I did not realise it was at the time, I was just able to see that they liked me. I think that is a big problem for people with AS, because the people we can 'read' like us are probably behaving socially inapropriately and we should take that as a warning sign of their instability rather than 'go for it'.



wow, that is a brilliant theory and definitely food for thought...I have a similar history. So if you are saying, that people who are 'over the top' in some ways are easier reads and people who are NT or normal-er would be more subtle and we might miss the clues and gloss right over them. Wow that makes complete sense to me. Grazie. ;)