Trying to show a heartbroken girl that you're a sweetheart

Post Reply New Topic

Hmm.... that's too bad. Annoyingly, my impression came true... Very sorry bro, you appear to have become a "Nice Guy."

You might want to think about this and doublecheck yourself: If you were okay with being merely platonic, then you wouldn't mind the friendship status that simply rolls up, you'd be okay as-is. You wouldn't want more. In reality, it seems, you don't want to be friends, you want to be her boyfriend. And you want to try to eek up into it bit by bit by growing closer slowly. I'm sorry, but it generally doesn't work that way. And when she realizes that's whats been on your mind the whole time - and not normal friendship - she will feel surprised, betrayed, freaked out, etc. She will either try to rigidly re-assert your position, or get mad/creeped out, and avoid you.

This is a very common pattern... But the problem wasn't that you tried to be a good person. The problem was that you were too nervous, you sucked at flirting with her early on, or didn't broadcast your mindset & desires more clearly. That also includes after you got 'Let's-Just-Be-Friended,' and replied with something like, "yeah, okay, that's cool, I mean like, I wanna be friends... good friends... uh sure. okay. I'm super glad and stuff. ha.. ha hah..."
.....which is an utter lie.

The way it typically works is that this girl is gonna stick in your mouth like peanut butter on the brain(Or something like that) and will not budge unless you forcibly remove her, or some other, cooler lady grabs your obsession. Due to this, it's unlikely that you two will have a very healthy friendship... At least, from your standpoint. Oh, she'll be quite fine with it - You'll give her just about everything she could want in a guy. But you'll start hearing tales about her ex's, or her new boyfriend, she'll complain about them, vent to you, she'll talk your ear off and share the sort of stuff that women don't tend to share with men they're attracted to. Occasionally you'll see a 'glimmer of hope' as she compares you to her lousy boyfriend, or maybe even snuggle up to you one night.... But in reality it's dizzyingly, confusingly platonic, nothing will ever become of it. And like a donkey with an unattainable carrot dangled in front of him, you'll keep going and going. You'll cancel your plans for her, put aside what you'd otherwise wanted for her sake, like a boyfriend would, to try and prove how great you are. Maybe you'll buy her a gift every now and then, in vain attempts of attracting her.

It won't work.

You being a "Nice Guy" will make you a seemingly good person, but it will not make her attracted to you. Her attraction is earned otherwise. Being a good person is just a small part of the larger picture of what grabs women's attention.

I'm guessing that you'll not be very successful at cooling your jets about this girl, in your mind. It wouldn't make sense, as you're inexperienced and into her in a big way. Therefore, for the sake of your sanity and emotional stability, I suggest gently and quietly phasing this girl out of your life, without confronting her in any way. Or go focus on some other girl, so as to prevent you from obsessing too much over this one. But otherwise, this ship has sailed, and it's extremely unlikely it's a-comin' back, not without a truly drastic change in her perspective of you. Someday, when you're better able to handle a crush, when it becomes less of a big deal, you might be able to avoid this ending. But until then, you're likely to follow the pattern of the "Nice Guy," unless you take difficult actions to resist that fate.
I am truly sorry.

This is the voice of experience, boyo. You may not agree with it yet, but at least consider it. I've unfortunately run this pattern multiple times, once it was with a girl who had some paranoid tendencies, and that occasion ended up even more awkward and ugly than the other times....
But anyhoo. If all this sounds overly drastic, and pragmatic, it's because there is an extremely strong, reliable pattern to this, repeated ad-nauseum among guys like us. There are myriad ways we can rationalize why we don't fit the bill, why there's hope, why it might be different. And guys like us, we take those exceptions, those excuses, and use it to keep on the path, to avoid doing the difficult things that need to be done.
I don't relish being pragmatic here, but this is a topic where it pays in spades to be pragmatic.

In the future, flirt early and constantly, mildly and comfortably, with a focus on being funny while you do it. If nothing else, this will prevent the process from drawing out - You'll know right off the bat if she's receptive, or flat out uninterested. It makes things much simpler for both of you, and does not preclude platonic friendship, assuming you can move on and can handle the rejection.

I'd advise you to maintain your distance. Maybe open yourself to dating/pursuing other girls?

Has she definitely cut off her ex-boyfriend and categorically stated that she only wants to be friends? I'm somewhat confused where her ex comes in all of this

At least that's good that you're open to dating other people, I guess. Why don't you like girls approaching you?

Ooh. I was a bit puzzled by that heh. It's possible that the girls who find you attractive are just too shy to approach you. That, or you look intimidating which, judging from your profile pic, I doubt

I agree. I've had crushes before that ended as soon as I realised that that person was completely dull to talk to and the conversations were extremely awkward. The "hi" "hi" "how are you?" "fine, you?" "same" *silence* type of conversations

Not all hot and interesting girls hang out at large, loud, busy places. Look in libraries, bookshops, second-hand bookshops, music stores, cafes... Plenty of other places to explore.

Just be yourself