I don't know what to do anymore

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taking care of someone who is ill like this is mentally and physically exhausting and there are social programs at least in the U.S. to help with that. Does he have help with this? In my state they will actually pay *you* to take care of a family member so you are at least getting compensated. My personal opinion is that you are doing too much of his personal care for too little appreciation and compensation. I'm curious if in the past someone has made you feel like you didn't contribute enough or were ungrateful or took advantage because this sounds like a bit of codependency to me and you are being exploited and made to feel inadequate when you are doing and putting up with far more than most people would.

Dump him.

I just believe that couples should try to work everything out as much as they can, and ending it should only be after all other options don't work.

I don't agree. I think if someone beats you up they shoudl be walked out on regardless of all other options.

In this case, What Fiz is recieveing is emotional abuse, and I think he deserves to be alone.

That's all fine and well, but with one person doing all the work, it's not that simple.

I agree with Janissy, and telling him how much he hurts you is something you need to do. My first husband wasn't disabled, but he was on those guys that take and take until there's nothing left, I had no confidence, self-worth, nothing. It was hard as hell to finally leave him, but sometimes we have to decide if we're going to live our lives taking care of abusive people, or take care of ourselves.

Fiz, you've always seemed like such a nice person....I'm sorry you're in this predicament. I feel a strong need to challenge your statement that, "I love him unconditionally as you should do with a partner." I don't believe that the love between partners is ever unconditional. There are definitely conditions one partner can create for another that can threaten the quality of the love shared, for example, abuse, adultery, addiction. Partners can - and do - make a commitment to each other, as in, "No matter what, we're not separating - ever." But that commitment absolutely has to be bi-lateral in order to work.

I think it's admirable that you have shown such caring commitment to your partner - it's a testament to the quality of your character. But you do owe it to yourself to re-assess his level of commitment to you, and the impact that has on your life. The behavior you've described seems abusive to me. The constant criticism of what you do for him, the way he continually reminds you that he's willing to walk away, the callous disregard he shows for your feelings, the derision of your studies, his refusal to relocate for a better opportunity.....these are all tactics used by abusers. Constant exposure to these tactics wear you down, erode your esteem, make you doubt your own self-worth....make you feel unworthy and unwanted. Fiz, there is no man on this earth that is worth that.

I understand that he's disabled. I understand that he's often in pain. (Interestingly, studies have shown that the part of the brain that's stimulated by pain is the same part that reacts to anger....which might explain why he appears to be so angry.) While his disability is real and significant, there are things he can do to learn how to cope better: pain management, anger management, therapy, etc. There are also changes he can make physically that will help him: he can change his diet to a diet designed to reduce inflammation in his body (I'm sure the type of injuries he has cause quite a bit of inflammation) - check out "UltraMetabolism" by Dr. Mark Hyman; he can take cod liver oil capsules and omega 3 fish oil to reduce inflammation. He can demand more effective pain management from his doctor. But he's also going to have to understand the nature of his behavior, and why it's abusive. He's going to have to commit to curtailing that behavior, and to live his life with integrity and gratitude. If he's not willing to do that, I hope you can find the strength you need to let him go.

If it makes you feel any better, I've been in a similar situation. My ex-fiance did a lot of the same things to me. After a few years, he'd done a tremendous amount of damage. I needed therapy to figure out why I'd stayed with him (particularly when I knew better), and to repair the damage. But that experience wound up serving me well: I chose to walk away from a few relationships when I saw the warning signs of abuse crop up. One man I dated raised his hand to me (literally raised it - then thought better of it) - I left and never looked back. Another man I dated started name-calling. I gave him a few chances to make good, but he didn't. All I could think of was, "If he's willing to do this when we're supposed to be caught up in the throes of romantic love, what will he be willing to do if I make a commitment to him, and perhaps become emotionally or financially dependent on him?" To my credit, when the name-calling started, the loving feelings I had for him vanished. For someone who put up with an abusive fiance for so much longer than I should have, getting out of those relationships - physically and emotionally - showed tremendous progress....and it's something any woman can do. Good luck.

No one, and I mean no one is entitled to treat another person the way you are being treated. And no one is required to take it. Unless your so-called partner is willing and able to do a complete and permanent 180 in his personality and outlook, you need to look at the possibility that it may never get better for you, and it could quite possibly get worse. You don't have to take it. You don't deserve it. Don't put up with it. You should be treated as though you are liked, and valued, and loved; as though your goals are noble and that you are courageous for striving to achieve them. As HopeGrows mentioned, the way he treats you sounds very much like abuse. If this is going to be the way he treats you for the rest of your life, what are you living for? You don't have to take that crap from anybody. Ever. Don't.

In that case, she should leave immediately.