Affection question: holding hands, kissing.

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MizLiz
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28 Feb 2010, 2:12 am

valkyrieraven88 wrote:

I generally find those things really uncomfortable but I wasn't when I started dating my boyfriend. Before we were really "officially" dating we went to a burlesque show and he put an arm around me. I flinched like normal but I was surprised how okay I was with it when he asked me if I minded. The problem with physical affection for me is not knowing how appropriate it is or what to do. When I can ask and understand the rules it's fine. I really like him holding me and kissing me, and cuddling and all that. It's nice. And it is possible, it's only weird at first.

I always thought I didn't like to be touched. Then I got a boyfriend and realized that I just don't like to be touched *unexpectedly*

Example: Tonight I was out with some people and some guy I know really well came up and put his arm around me, kind of. It almost made me kick him in the balls before I realized that's just what some people do, put their arm around other people.

I never really understood the rules either. Anytime we were cuddling (my ex and I), it was generally because he started it.

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pippilngstkngpr
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28 Feb 2010, 2:55 am

MizLiz wrote:

valkyrieraven88 wrote:

That is true, I never thought of it that way. That it's being touched unexpectedly. I think that is the main thing for me. Because when I ask to hug someone, I love it.

jawbrodt
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28 Feb 2010, 3:37 am

^Ya know, maybe that's my problem too? Hmm.....

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hartzofspace
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28 Feb 2010, 8:22 pm

pippilngstkngpr wrote:

Also, how would I desensitize myself for affection?

I had the same issues mentioned here, about touch. When I started dating my current guy, I was agonizing about this. What happened, was we started out sitting together while watching a movie. After awhile, I was able to sit closer, although I felt something close to panic at his proximity. When I'd gotten comfortable with sitting closely, we held hands. It felt really weird, at first, and I felt almost terrified, holding someone's hand, no matter how much I liked the guy. It was almost as if I were on some scary ride at the amusement park.

After a few weeks, we were able to hug, and so on. Just take it nice and slow.

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elderwanda
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28 Feb 2010, 9:59 pm

MizLiz wrote:

ToadOfSteel wrote:

MizLiz wrote:

I really hate kissing (so glad I'm not expected to do it anymore) and I think holding hands is a bit stupid. It's not accomplishing anything. I like cuddling and hugging but I never got why my ex always needed to have his free hand holding mine while driving. Why? Seemed so weird.

Because it's the most affectionate thing he can do while he's driving? (it's kinda hard to cuddle and drive at the same time...) I know I enjoyed that whenever i was driving my ex places.

I just didn't see the constant need to have a hand on me.

In retrospect, I do now, but I didn't then.

I like my partners to show their affection for me by driving safely while I'm in the car with them. In other words, be in control of the vehicle. How much affection does a person need to show while they are driving?

Yeah, I know that's not the most romantic viewpoint, but it's mine.

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01 Mar 2010, 3:43 pm

hartzofspace wrote:

pippilngstkngpr wrote:

Also, how would I desensitize myself for affection?

After a few weeks, we were able to hug, and so on. Just take it nice and slow.

That sounds so romantic even though you were uncomfortable at first.

hartzofspace
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01 Mar 2010, 6:32 pm

Taupey wrote:

hartzofspace wrote:

pippilngstkngpr wrote:

Also, how would I desensitize myself for affection?

After a few weeks, we were able to hug, and so on. Just take it nice and slow.

That sounds so romantic even though you were uncomfortable at first.

Yes, I guess it was romantic! I was just so grateful that he was patient with me.

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pippilngstkngpr
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01 Mar 2010, 11:49 pm

hartzofspace wrote:

pippilngstkngpr wrote:

Also, how would I desensitize myself for affection?

After a few weeks, we were able to hug, and so on. Just take it nice and slow.

So basically I should find someone who is patient and will work with me to be comfortable. Thanks

Thank s for the help!

lyricalillusions
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02 Mar 2010, 10:14 am

Physical contact makes me feel uncomfortable & weird (for the lack of a better word). But I'm sure that with the right person that would all change. Unfortunately, at my age, I'll probably never meet the right person

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Taupey
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02 Mar 2010, 11:00 am

lyricalillusions wrote:

Yes, you're too old (just joking). You are almost 20 years younger than me (I'm 47 years old). I believe we are never too old to meet someone and fall in love. My 92 year old grandmother's friends are still falling in love and getting married. I know that might be hard to imagine or something you would rather not imagine. But it happens. So keep an opened mind about it. You just might be pleasantly surprised. I was.

Taupey

Asp-Z
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02 Mar 2010, 12:35 pm

I'm fine with that stuff myself. I like it

hartzofspace
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02 Mar 2010, 2:46 pm

Taupey wrote:

lyricalillusions wrote:

Taupey

I'll second that! I met my current boyfriend when I turned 51. We are in love. It can happen when you least expect it! I had all but given up.

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hale_bopp
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02 Mar 2010, 4:18 pm

It feels weird if i dont know the person or like them much. Otherwise I love it. The man I was with recently I loved it - hes moved overseas.

DrewMack
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04 Mar 2010, 12:55 am

I crave affection, my wife doesn't understand or provide that, because she is from a household that didn't show affection. I'm hypersensitive about it, only because she doesn't touch me... If it wasn't for my AS loyalty... I'm sure I would of left the relationship.

Northeastern292
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05 Mar 2010, 12:37 am

I have an issue-I love affection and love to receive it and give it, but for some weird reason, the idea of dating someone with more sexual experience than me gives me the creeps. But other than that, I actually crave affection, to the point of addiction, which is a little abnormal for someone who is an aspie.

jawbrodt
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05 Mar 2010, 4:53 am

Northeastern292 wrote:

but for some weird reason, the idea of dating someone with more sexual experience than me gives me the creeps.

Yeah, me too. What really bothers me, is to hear stories about past sexual experiences. I'm able to visualize it so well, that they might as well have cheated on me, right in front of my eyes. A couple words is all it takes, and I'm totally turned off. I almost had to break up with a girl once, because she mentioned something to me, referring to a past bf. I say "had", because it turned me off to the point where i didn't think I'd ever find her sexually attractive again.

Yeah, I have problems. :lol:

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