Would you join a Dating Skills Group and what would you do?

Page 2 of 2 [ 23 posts ]  Go to page Previous  1, 2

aussiebloke
Veteran
Veteran

Joined: 14 Oct 2009
Age: 48
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,407

19 Dec 2010, 11:04 pm

No I am not a sell out......

Shower twice a day :?

Once is more than enough.


_________________
Theirs a subset of America, adult males who are forgoing ambition ,sex , money ,love ,adventure to sit in a darkened rooms mastering video games - Suicide Bob


nthach
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 28 Feb 2008
Age: 39
Gender: Male
Posts: 1,457
Location: SF Bay Area

19 Dec 2010, 11:26 pm

I would to precondition myself. I already shop at Nordstrom, Abercrombie/Hollister(on occasion), and a few other stores - I'm decently comfortable in stores.



Zur-Darkstar
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 332

19 Dec 2010, 11:52 pm

My question is, "to what purpose". If the point is to overcome the awkward approach, why bother to change mannerisms that took decades to form into habits when you can bypass this altogether through matchmaking sites and speed dating and such? If the purpose is to learn how to seduce a woman/man, there are already lots of websites and books already dedicated to that subject. If the purpose is to build conversational skills, manners, listening ability, how would this differ from an ordinary interpersonal communications college course?

Personally, I wouldn't be interested in this, because I'd rather not have to date a large number of people. The dating experience is not an end unto itself for me. If I date, it's because I'm looking for a life partner. If I find someone compatible who is looking for a life partner as well, it stands to reason that a minor screw up isn't going to be held as a fatal flaw, especially since I plan on being fairly upfront about not being very outgoing and mentioning AS no later than date #2. Other people may date for other reasons (sex), but I am not one of these. Some people date for just the fun of dating, but for me, the fun depends entirely on how easily I interact with the other person. If the interaction is easy, it's fun for me and I know there's a possibility for a significant relationship.

Further, my fronting skills are so practiced that they are already automatic. As long as I'm paying attention, I appear to be perfectly normal (it's paying attention 24 hours a day and the energy that requires that are my true limiting factors). I regularly fool people that would never guess I had AS or social anxiety or w/e else. What they don't realize is that what to them is natural, to me represents the results of a lot of mental preparation and practice. I don't consider myself to be "faking NT", as much as just putting my best foot forward, presenting myself in the best way I can, etc. I'm no more important than anybody else, and if I'm going to ask people to tolerate my oddities, I should at least make an effort to be considerate of them. I've lost a lot of my egocentrism with age :)



Zur-Darkstar
Deinonychus
Deinonychus

User avatar

Joined: 28 Nov 2010
Age: 44
Gender: Male
Posts: 332

19 Dec 2010, 11:58 pm

Boston_MA wrote:
Analyzing sucks. Learn skills by doing.


By this logic, wouldn't we be burning science books to learn about fire.



bggallag
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker
Yellow-bellied Woodpecker

User avatar

Joined: 25 Mar 2010
Age: 47
Gender: Female
Posts: 60
Location: Anne Arundel County, Maryland

07 Jan 2011, 7:36 pm

I would probably join one, looking for dates! lol. :). Waking up on time would be a bit tricky, as well as buying clothes from a certain store, etc. But the gist of the idea is good :).


_________________
A social for Annapolis, MD area adults with Asperger's. The social meets on the last Friday of the month. (21 years of age and older). Cards & board games &snacks. More info on fb page. http://www.facebook.com/Annapolis.Adults.Aspergers


nick007
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 4 May 2010
Gender: Male
Posts: 27,642
Location: was Louisiana but now Vermont in capitalistic military dictatorship called USA

09 Jan 2011, 9:31 am

I would join a dating group if I could be set up with someone. I would go to the events if they were women in the group who I might could date. I don't think I'm capable of learning all those dating rules; I would be pretending to be someone I'm not


_________________
"I don't have an anger problem, I have an idiot problem!"
~King Of The Hill


"Hear all, trust nothing"
~Ferengi Rule Of Acquisition #190
https://memory-alpha.fandom.com/wiki/Ru ... cquisition


Aspie1
Veteran
Veteran

User avatar

Joined: 7 Mar 2005
Gender: Male
Posts: 6,749
Location: United States

09 Jan 2011, 2:20 pm

Sound wrote:
Furthermore, the best way of meeting a potential GF/BF tends to be through friends, unless you have zero approach anxiety. By increasing ones ability to makes friends, they increase their ability to find a boyfriend or girlfriend.

I couldn't disagree more! There are quite a few girls I sort of know through friends and none of them felt any kind of attraction to me. Even when we all went dancing at a club, they wouldn't dance closer than 3 ft. away. After dancing for a few minutes out of courtesy, I'd walk away as soon as the song ended. Ironically, when I approached a girl I just met, she danced close and held hands with me (we were dancing salsa). If anything, I'd say that meeting a girlfriend through friends requires more social skills than meeting a "new" girl. So I don't know how the belief "best way to find a girlfriend is through friends" got started, it was never true for me, and I won't believe it unless someone waterboards me.