musicboxforever wrote:
Ok love may be to strong a word for this. But when I fall for someone I feel pathetic. I feel vulnerable and I don't like someone to make me feel that way. I usually suspect that this person has no interest in me and that is what makes it pathetic, a like of this person who doesn't like me the same way. It isn't a good feeling. It destroys me and makes me depressed. then it just feels that love is an unreachable fantasy and I begin to feel that I don't believe in love and I've been thinking about this because I am going to a wedding on Saturday and wonder if they are just poor deluded souls who will start to hate each other after having to live with each other for so many years.
Anyone have similar experiences?
Does anyone have something positive to add?
Lol, I know how you feel all too well. Let me guess, you look at someone who you are extremely attracted to, and you fantasize about the possibilities. Then you realize that the liklihood of the person liking you as you like them is small, and you don't pursue them any further?
I do that alot, I dream of possibilty, and then I realize the reality of the situation, and don't try to pursue any further. I think to myself that it will never work out because she is either too immature, she doesn't share my interests, she doesn't seem very intelligent, etc and so forth. Yes, in a sense, it is a final judgement without pursuing a new chance, but that's how I operate.
This whole part about "then it just feels that love is an unreachable fantasy and I begin to feel that I don't believe in love and I've been thinking about this because I am going to a wedding on Saturday and wonder if they are just poor deluded souls who will start to hate each other after having to live with each other for so many years:, I understand this best of all.
When I used to try and pursue love, and chased after girls, I got rejected a lot. At first, I was sad and depressed for a while, because I felt alone and that somehow I was to blame. After a while, I started to resent woman romantically, and I rationalized that there was nothing wrong with me, it was they who never cared about me in the first place.
In short, I rationalized my situation in order to make myself feel like I was in control and that I had a choice in the matter. It was a defensive mechanism designed to protect my self esteem and sense of value. I think you're doing the same thing when you say "then it just feels that love is an unreachable fantasy and I begin to feel that I don't believe in love". In the same manner I did, I believe you're trying to protect your feelings and sense of value by trying to find a sense of control in a situation that seems uncontrollable.
For instance, whenever I was very alone, I would say to myself "I don't need woman romantically, they never cared about me, so in the same manner they have ignored me, I will ignore them". This was an attempt to feel like I had control of a situation that was out of my hands. Thankfully, after repeating it enough and realizing that romantic love is NOT a nesscesity of life, I realized that I didn't need woman romantically, thus freeing myself of the futile pursuits that I had sought after.
My advice to you is to not care about romantic love at all. Focus on creating and maintaining friendships and investing time into your personal interests and hobbies. You are far more likely to date a friend than you would trying to ask some bub you don't know at all. That's my input.
06 Mar 2010, 1:54 am
