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Friend Zone...

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Northeastern292
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18 Mar 2010, 7:54 pm

zen_mistress wrote:
I think the answer is just to be friends with lots of girls and have no expectations...


I agree with that. But it's hard when you're nervous around other people.



ToadOfSteel
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18 Mar 2010, 9:40 pm

zen_mistress wrote:
I think the answer is just to be friends with lots of girls and have no expectations...


That's what I tend to do (on a case by case basis anyway), and it works to get a ton of female friends... The thing is that while I don't expect anything to happen with each individual woman, I keep hoping that one of them will see something in me, but none of them do. Not a one... :cry:



MountZion
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18 Mar 2010, 10:10 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
zen_mistress wrote:
I think the answer is just to be friends with lots of girls and have no expectations...


That's what I tend to do (on a case by case basis anyway), and it works to get a ton of female friends... The thing is that while I don't expect anything to happen with each individual woman, I keep hoping that one of them will see something in me, but none of them do. Not a one... :cry:


Hey man, it's not all bad :D. Sometimes, those friends can set you up with their friends. And, you know, having Aspergers and all, has kinda made sure that we are crap at reading signals that girls can send out. Maybe there have been a few that are secretly interested in you, or maybe there are currently those that are. You never know, and I wouldn't make a stonewall statement on what those girls may think of you, because I know from personal experience that you could be wrong!! 8)



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19 Mar 2010, 5:54 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
zen_mistress wrote:
I think the answer is just to be friends with lots of girls and have no expectations...


That's what I tend to do (on a case by case basis anyway), and it works to get a ton of female friends... The thing is that while I don't expect anything to happen with each individual woman, I keep hoping that one of them will see something in me, but none of them do. Not a one... :cry:


because they assume you want to be friends
none of you are showing you like them
how are they supposed to know?!



Kilroy
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19 Mar 2010, 5:56 am

Janissy wrote:
RevoLucian wrote:
I personally would like to make the relationship be ran "professionally," with rules and guidelines in writing. Articles and Amendments. .


That is never going to happen. Ever. With anyone.

Just letting you know.


QFT



Northeastern292
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19 Mar 2010, 8:46 am

The friend zone can be a b***h, but it takes patience to get out of that zone.



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19 Mar 2010, 11:05 am

Northeastern292 wrote:
The friend zone can be a b***h, but it takes patience to get out of that zone.


:wall:

It doesn't! I swear, hanging around will not work. Not unless they get blindingly drunk one day and happen to make out with you. Even then, the likelihood is this will be followed by the 'lets just be friends again' speech.

If you hang around long enough, act as best as you possibly can throughout, and show her the very, very best of your personality, no matter how successful you are at painting a picture of being smart, funny, intelligent, successful, sweet and nice, all she will ever think is 'what a great friend I have'. And you will be. But that's all.



ToadOfSteel
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19 Mar 2010, 11:10 am

Then how is someone like me supposed to get a girlfriend? I don't even feel attracted to a woman at all until long after I've been put into the friend zone. Am I supposed to just fake interest or something?



MichelleRM78
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19 Mar 2010, 11:12 am

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Then how is someone like me supposed to get a girlfriend? I don't even feel attracted to a woman at all until long after I've been put into the friend zone. Am I supposed to just fake interest or something?


No- feelings change. There is nothing wrong with that. When you start to get the feelings, then you need to show them a bit. Many relationships start as friends and progress to something else.



Lene
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19 Mar 2010, 11:38 am

MichelleRM78 wrote:
ToadOfSteel wrote:
Then how is someone like me supposed to get a girlfriend? I don't even feel attracted to a woman at all until long after I've been put into the friend zone. Am I supposed to just fake interest or something?


No- feelings change. There is nothing wrong with that. When you start to get the feelings, then you need to show them a bit. Many relationships start as friends and progress to something else.


Exactly! Michelle, you hit the nail on the head.

[story edited out; bit too personal. Sorry! Lene]



Last edited by Lene on 19 Mar 2010, 8:46 pm, edited 1 time in total.

Sound
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19 Mar 2010, 6:21 pm

ToadOfSteel wrote:
Then how is someone like me supposed to get a girlfriend? I don't even feel attracted to a woman at all until long after I've been put into the friend zone. Am I supposed to just fake interest or something?
Has it not been established in other threads that your claim - that you don't feel an attraction to women until after you get to know them - is false? You're just suppressing it, as you've stated. Purposefully, even! Therefore, stop suppressing.



Sound
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19 Mar 2010, 6:30 pm

Lene wrote:
Northeastern292 wrote:
The friend zone can be a b***h, but it takes patience to get out of that zone.


:wall:

It doesn't! I swear, hanging around will not work. Not unless they get blindingly drunk one day and happen to make out with you. Even then, the likelihood is this will be followed by the 'lets just be friends again' speech.

Whoa. Please don't take this as sexist, but I've never seen a woman accurately articulate this pitfall that men wanna fall into, let alone see it. It's just primarily a male experience, so far as I've seen... So I'm impressed; Props to you.

Lene is correct, generally there is no way 'to get out of that zone'. It is rare upon rare, and shouldn't be relied upon.

It does take patience to train yourself to stop falling into that trap, but once you're in, you're in, and patience only makes things worse.



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19 Mar 2010, 8:22 pm

Sound wrote:
Lene is correct, generally there is no way 'to get out of that zone'. It is rare upon rare, and shouldn't be relied upon.


I didn't think Lene was saying there was no way to get out of that zone. I thought she was saying that being patient and hanging out wasn't the way to do it; that you have to be proactive and give a girl concrete (and sober) signals instead of just being patient and hoping she'll notice you.



Lene
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19 Mar 2010, 8:45 pm

Aspiewifey wrote:
Sound wrote:
Lene is correct, generally there is no way 'to get out of that zone'. It is rare upon rare, and shouldn't be relied upon.


I didn't think Lene was saying there was no way to get out of that zone. I thought she was saying that being patient and hanging out wasn't the way to do it; that you have to be proactive and give a girl concrete (and sober) signals instead of just being patient and hoping she'll notice you.


Yeah, thanks. That's what I meant, I just didn't phrase it too well in my original post.

Sound, I suppose I know about the friend-zone first hand. It's not just a guy experience, although thankfully I've only ended up in it once and we are still friends (with absolutely no intention of becoming anything else).

Just an addition (this advice from my bf), if you want to get out of the friend zone, do it as soon as possible before you become best friends i.e whilst you're still aquaintances or only see each other occasionally.

I think once someone relies on you emotionally, as a very close friend, suddenly appearing with 'ulterior motives' can be percieved as a betrayal of trust in the friendship. This may be what Sound is referring to when he says the zone is escapeable, and I am not entirely how you work this out.

It seems as if there is friendship, and then somewhere along the line there is a divergence to 'best friendship' or 'relationship' and the two are each distinct paths. One is not an automatic stepping stone to the other.