Just broken up with a NT girl, what should I do ?

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You mean I should call her ex ?

Just do not want to face that.

What did you accuse her of lying about? Perhaps she actually was lying, and wasn't happy being called out on it.

She also wanted you to find a new job? Or you thought you could impress her with a better job?

Find yourself a nice aspie girl.

Every relationship we have has some sort of lesson tied to it. You have to take it as a learning experience and apply it to relationships in the future.

Don't change for other people. Get to know yourself, your boundaries, limitations, and areas that you can expand on and if you want to make a change, do it for yourself.

We all have various positive/negative traits and it's imporant that when you're in a relationship that you find someone who helps balance you. When it's too one sided, it can hit burn out pretty quickly.

What you want to strive for is something healthy. A relationship that makes you feel good about yourself and where things feel balanced. For example, you could research places of interest that the two of you could go to, and your partner could be the one who makes the calls and sets it all up. There's ways that you can make up for your limitations in one area, by your benefits in another area.

As for girl that you just broke up with...I would say don't beg her to come back. Learn from the experience you had, spend some time processing it all, and then eventually you'll move forward.

Good luck to you.

OP, I agree with Jawbrodt and CelticGoddess......there's probably not much else to be done to resurrect this relationship. The only perspective I can add is to ask if you made a sincere attempt to take responsibility for the "stupid" thing you said? People say stupid things occasionally...they lose their temper, or say something thoughtless because they're tired, or drunk, or there's some type of misunderstanding. I guess the only thing I'm trying to point out to you is that there's a huge difference between apologizing for saying something, and taking responsibility for it.

Apologizing = "I'm sorry." Taking responsibility = "I said [fill in the blank] without thinking. I understand why it hurt you - because [fill in the blank]. I understand that might make you believe that I'm [fill in the blank], and that would make me the wrong kind of guy for you. But I'm not that guy - is there anything I can do to prove I'm not that kind of guy to you? Can I have the opportunity to regain your trust?" If you take responsibility - and you mean it - and she's unmoved, then there's nothing left to be done. Take your lesson from this relationship and pay more attention to what you say the next time around. Good luck.

No, because
A) You don't have Aspergers; You think you have it, and have not been diagnosed by a qualified neurologist. It's potentially easy to misdiagnose if you're introverted. Prove it before you act or decide according to it.
B) It doesn't represent any change in who you were. Your personality is the same as before. It's simply a handy label.
C) What does it matter to her? Should this change the way she feels? If she decided she didn't want to have a relationship with your personality, will this make your personality somehow more attractive than before? Are you expecting her to give you extra concessions for something you apparently perceive as a handicap? Has she somehow made an uninformed decision, but you know better than her regarding who she should have a relationship with?
/facepalm. My words are failing me here; I cannot currently describe how frustrating this phrase is, nor why. Urgh. Maybe someone else can attempt to elaborate why this perspective is ... flawed.

This, and the details, speaks volumes about what went wrong. She's not primarily interested in someone more 'sophisitcated.' She probably want's someone who wont fawn over her, tiptoe around her, carefully craft their words for her, abase themselves to her whim. She probably wants someone who doesn't objectify women, which is what you are doing when you put her on that pedestal and treat her like she's much more important than you.

She probably wants someone with a little more investment in themselves, and self-esteem. Likely, she wishes for emotional stability in her partner, independence, and a personality that she can look up to, and feel impressed with.

It is difficult to make that impression when you do not assert yourself, promote yourself as a person worthy of respect.
No. This meme that people with Aspergers syndrome are more prone to get along better with others with Aspergers is silly, IMO. The things that potentially leads us into trouble still exists whether we're with a so-called "NT" (...no one's really that NT, btw), or someone else with AS. Why should those issues not impact someone who might-or-might-not share those issues? In your case, your self-esteem issues will frustrate an aspie as surely as it will frustrate an "NT." In some cases more-so, due to a few occasional symptoms, as some aspies need extra emotional or physical space for instance, and are more susceptible to 'smothering,' like you probably did with your ex.
Anyone can potentially accept any personality. It's not about accepting AS, it's about accepting you. Anyways, what drove her off were not symptoms of AS. It was lack of self-esteem, which is not intrinsically part of AS(although it's a common side-effect). If you had acted/lived with a bit more self-love, things would've turned out much differently. AS symptoms probably wouldn't even be in the picture. The women who get to know you don't see your expressions of AS as a mental disorder, they see it as more-or-less prominent parts of your personality. If they stick around, then they accept your personality, and by extension AS, just as your ex did within the first month.
... Thus illustrating, in stark terms, precisely what repulsed her in the first place.

/facepalm.
However, yes, you can become more socially aware, less introverted, more at-ease with strangers, etc etc. And, more to-the-point in your case, yes you can heal-up to a better self-esteem, thereby making you a much more attractive person to be around. The AS represents a social lag that you might not ever completely eliminate, but you can decrease that gap by a large degree to the point that no one notices, and you don't even feel disadvantaged anymore. For example, I managed to succeed in doing this, for the most part.
.... No, because the truth is that you're undiagnosed. And even if you are diagnosed, what does it change? It's a LABEL for a personality you've had all your life, and have so far succeeded in living with. Don't get me wrong, it has it's merits - it's comforting to know others are like you.
Regardless, YES you should strive to become more outgoing and socially competent, either way. Our world is very social, and social skill represents an immensely powerful skill-set in life. It's also one of the primary foundations for being successful in finding, and maintaining healthy relationships. It's also a basis for judgment - People judge harshly those who are less socially skilled. Unfortunate, but pragmatically true.

While we may be at a social disadvantage, it doesn't mean that we can't keep up the pace with others.... Or even exceed them. Despite our social disadvantage, we tend to often have some unique thought advantages to leverage toward our social problems.

You and me both, and normally I'm a very patient guy.
So my abrasive tone deserves some explanation. I am particularly frustrated in reading your story because it reads exactly like my experience with first girlfriend, where I acted precisely the same. In particular, the repulsive way I acted after breaking up. Now, that girl is still a deep scar in my mind unfortunately, so reading about your experience is kinda like reading about me. And it strikes a nerve, obviously...

So, I'm sorry for being abrasive. But please heed my experience, as it closely resembles your own.


A) You're not a couple, so obviously that's not in the works. She actively doesn't want you to do that.
B) If you're not that tough, then you should see to that. See to starting up a gym routine. Maintaining the pattern for a long period of time is critical for success, so I suggest a hard schedule where you go at least 2 to 3 times a week. Within a year you will look and feel much different. I highly suggest the CrossFit ethos and regimen; it is perhaps the fastest, most effective way to boost your broad, un-specialized physical capability and fitness(and by extension, your self-esteem).

This has been my experience, as I'm currently in the process of evolving away from being an under-developed, boyish weakling who got out-muscled by most women. Being physically diminutive, out-of-shape, or weak also tends to reinforce peoples' negative perceptions. It goes hand-in-hand with your ex's perception of you, which lead to the break-up. IMO.
I think this could be very important for you.

I understand that. A decade later, I wrestle with the very same thought. However, life goes on, and many women are great in many different ways. You will meet women who exceed her in different ways. Maybe more important ways. You will meet women who work better with your personality. With the world population being what it is, the numbers are on your side.
It's doubtful that you simply chanced upon hooking up with the Incomparably Resplendent Orchid Queen of Heaven and Earth.
I, and many others, would argue that we in fact, did. And clearly there's only one such woman.

Sure, she'll probably leave a scar. But there's problem with your above sentence; the word 'again.'
Sorry bucko, by definition you didn't discover true love: She broke up with you.

Somebody needs to sticky this in the L&D section. Excellent advice! Well said HG.

I think the OP should learn basic writing skills before worrying about getting another girlfriend. That, and the fact that he still calls her his girlfriend even though they broke up is a little creepy.

Some should keep in mind that English isn't everyone's first language.

I would do absolutely nothing at all.

Leave her alone for a while, is my advice. A month at the least.

If you don't hassle her, there is a small possibility she might come back. If you keep pushing her, she DEFINITELY won't.

A month of doing other things might also help you to stop obsessing so much. Go and think about other things for a while - go and do something else.

It might be tough but it'll work out best in the long run.

Thank your for your replys !

CelticGoddess , HopeGrows , Sound , therange , sociable_hermit : Thank you all and other people !

Actually, my native language is not English.

But there is not such forum in my country.

I think I should have a diagnosis first.

And especially thanks for Sound's detailed reply. It really helps.

Though I do not understand some words, I will use the dictionary to check.

Thanks.

Oops. Sorry.
My sentence structure can be kind of weird, sometimes. If something was not clear, you can ask about it.

Also, I made many assumptions, and some of what I said might work only if you lived in North American or European culture.
If you live in China, then a lot of what I said might not be true.

Good luck.

Thanks, CelticGoddess - very nice of you to say. I'm also Celtic - although a little light in the "goddess" area.

No. Logically think about it: If there is >1 successful relationship, then it's false. Is it likely, possible, probable? It depends on the person. So many variations can go into a relationship that a blank statement like this doesn't make any sense.



You have no choice, you need to let it go, as a relationship takes two willing participants. World of Warcraft? Buy a wii? Learn to ski/board? Buy a bike? A lot depends as to where you're at.